I've Decided to Become a Sexual Surrogate

Follwing the lead of Hommie's Hoes, I also am pursuing my god-intended career, please observe: I propose to become a sex surrogate. That is, someone who will live out your unrealized sexual fantasies so that you don't HAVE to!

Sexual fantasies; we all have 'em but most of us are too scared to complete our sex-bucket list, 'cause then what the fuck are we going to do? It's that untamed dragon that keeps us going each morning when we wake.

Most of us fell in love with a fantasy when we saw it our heard about it on the internet, probably on one of these boards. In order to keep your fantasy fresh--not unlike a technicolor retoration on a classic movie--YOU need an occasional reminder of JUST how good that fantasy would be to fulfill.

Save yourselves, Gentlemen from the horror of a completed bucketlist by entrusting me with your fantasy. I will, like Atlas, carry upon MY shoulders YOUR dirty deed. ME, ME? Oh, don't worry about me: I don't think the men of Austin can produce enogh variety to satiate my list--it's wild.

SO, here's how it works: You present me with a bucket list item off of your list, pay for the neccesary props, secure the provider, and I will do your item, then write an AMAZING review. Encouters I am currrently accepting proposals for are:

*sex with an alien
*being cock #2 in a three-way
*being cock #1 in a three-way
*being the ONLY cock in a three-way
*(Not currently available for cock #3 in a three-way)
*Death by Pegging
*Having sex with an amputee, while being pegged by her prosthetic

&&&&& Gift cards are also available so that you may give a gift that keeps on giving.

How much to fuck a "shark" up the ass? PM me your price!


Are pictures included?

Fuck me with an F-ing spoon!!! WTF happened to Eccie while I was gone?!

you need to kiss it and make it all better

Fuck me with an F-ing spoon!!! WTF happened to Eccie while I was gone?! Originally Posted by Laney1

I'm quite willing to do that for a price, but I'll have to charge you extra for the flatware fetish.

Homieho's...self proclaimed "pimps"...and now a "surrogate whatevermacalit"...

WHISPERS where are thou? You used to be the only one with an ego bigger than your head!!! And I can say that cause I've been reading your f-ing crap since ASPD. Where the hell did all these fools come from?!

Okay, ducking for cover now!! lol


**I heard that you like the bad girls...is that true? No?? Okay...

Homieho's...self proclaimed "pimps"...and now a "surrogate whatevermacalit"...

WHISPERS where are thou? .........

Where the hell did all these fools come from?!

Okay, ducking for cover now!! lol


**I heard that you like the bad girls...is that true? No?? Okay... Originally Posted by Laney1

I'm telling you, I'd rather listen to whispers and sixx talk shit.

Self proclamations are very misleading when there are misspellings involved.
I don't know how you can mistake the letters S, G, or L for the letter P.

Figures.

Okay, if I close my eyes will I be invisible to the bull dogs coming my way soon?

You know, the "pimps"...the guys behind their cubicles wearing Docker slacks and button down Ralph Lauren shirts who talk sh*t about pimping ho**....when the reality is they are sitting behind their little computers while the wifey is cooking dinner and rounding up the kiddos.

"Michael..stop hitting your sister!!"

"Robert, get in here and control these kids. They've been driving me crazy all day...and you've been sitting behind the computer all F-ing night!!

"God dammit...I need to finish this project that's due for work!!

MEANWHILE...

Yeah...I'm pimping these b**ch - H*e- sl*ts. Yada, yada, yada.....


I think Leslie Lane/Laney just screwed herself out of working in this town again.

Okay, if I close my eyes will I be invisible to the bull dogs coming my way soon?

You know, the "pimps"...the guys behind their cubicles wearing Docker slacks and button down Ralph Lauren shirts who talk sh*t about pimping ho**....when the reality is they are sitting behind their little computers while the wifey is cooking dinner and rounding up the kiddos.

"Michael..stop hitting your sister!!"

"Robert, get in here and control these kids. They've been driving me crazy all day...and you've been sitting behind the computer all F-ing night!!

"God dammit...I need to finish this project that's due for work!!

MEANWHILE...

Yeah...I'm pimping these b**ch - H*e- sl*ts. Yada, yada, yada.....


I think Leslie Lane/Laney just screwed herself out of working in this town again. Originally Posted by Laney1

***Nah, no one knows who you are so no one cares what you say***

I actually get a kick out of you trying to get some attention by playing the passive/aggresive stance.

"Billy quit hitting your sister and get back in the bathtub!!!"

Okay, if I close my eyes will I be invisible to the bull dogs coming my way soon?

You know, the "pimps"...the guys behind their cubicles wearing Docker slacks and button down Ralph Lauren shirts who talk sh*t about pimping ho**....when the reality is they are sitting behind their little computers while the wifey is cooking dinner and rounding up the kiddos.

"Michael..stop hitting your sister!!"

"Robert, get in here and control these kids. They've been driving me crazy all day...and you've been sitting behind the computer all F-ing night!!

"God dammit...I need to finish this project that's due for work!!

MEANWHILE...

Yeah...I'm pimping these b**ch - H*e- sl*ts. Yada, yada, yada.....


I think Leslie Lane/Laney just screwed herself out of working in this town again. Originally Posted by Laney1

Now that's what you call a bottom bitch.
She should have known what she signed up for.

"Pimpn' 'aint dead, it just moved to the....."
'burbs?
Somebody is rolling in their grave right now.

Homieho's...self proclaimed "pimps"...and now a "surrogate whatevermacalit"...

WHISPERS where are thou? You used to be the only one with an ego bigger than your head!!! And I can say that cause I've been reading your f-ing crap since ASPD. Where the hell did all these fools come from?!

Okay, ducking for cover now!! lol


**I heard that you like the bad girls...is that true? No?? Okay... Originally Posted by Laney1

I don't know where you've been but I've been here since aspd with the same handle and same attitude. It's all in good fun, no I am not pimping out ladies. It was a big joke as is this thread. Good old fashioned boredom mixed with some smart ass posting. It's a fun crop of guys here now. W is still around and still posts, he posted yesterday in the Lunch today thread.

Okay, if I close my eyes will I be invisible to the bull dogs coming my way soon?

You know, the "pimps"...the guys behind their cubicles wearing Docker slacks and button down Ralph Lauren shirts who talk sh*t about pimping ho**....when the reality is they are sitting behind their little computers while the wifey is cooking dinner and rounding up the kiddos.

"Michael..stop hitting your sister!!"

"Robert, get in here and control these kids. They've been driving me crazy all day...and you've been sitting behind the computer all F-ing night!!

"God dammit...I need to finish this project that's due for work!!

MEANWHILE...

Yeah...I'm pimping these b**ch - H*e- sl*ts. Yada, yada, yada.....


I think Leslie Lane/Laney just screwed herself out of working in this town again. Originally Posted by Laney1

You shouldn't worry about it, If EJL still can get people to pay her to fuck after all the silly arguments she has with anyone and everyone I think your fine.

Let it be known though that I am tri-polar and will go from funny to board bitch slap in 3.5 seconds.

You have no clue "Pimp Pappy Tonka Toy".....You're h*e threads are tired and have totally bored me.

...And I've only read them for a day or two. I can imagine all the poor lurkers who have had it with your weak "pimping"....

***Nah, no one knows who you are so no one cares what you say***

I actually get a kick out of you trying to get some attention by playing the passive/aggresive stance.

"Billy quit hitting your sister and get back in the bathtub!!!"

Originally Posted by Toyz

Exactly

I decided to be nice though. I was thinking who the fuck is this chick then I thought, who the fuck cares. If she was anyone I needed to know then I would have known.

You have no clue "Pimp Pappy Tonka Toy".....You're h*e threads are tired and have totally bored me.

...And I've only read them for a day or two. I can imagine all the poor lurkers who have had it with your weak "pimping".... Originally Posted by Laney1

Awwww...poor baby is bored...so sad

Laney that's funny , you've only been here for a few days , and we're already bored with you !