Ridiculous Texts & Voicemails

For a long time, I refrained from putting my phone number on ads or websites because the time wasters just seem to crawl out of the woodwork when they have direct access to your phone number. Instead, I offered a phone number after screening was complete and a session was scheduled.

But I recently made the mistake of listing my phone number with my profile on another site. Almost immediately, I started receiving ridiculous texts and voicemails from various numbers. I'm sure we all get strange messages like these from time to time, so I thought I'd share.

Keep in mind, I have no idea who any of these people are when they first contact me. So sometimes I decided to have a bit of fun. My responses are in purple.

Case Study #1: The Grammatically-Challenged College Student
1:19 pm: When can you come to san marcos?
11:21 pm: Who is this?
11:29 pm: people call me LA but names samuel
11:32 pm: Okay, Samuel. Can I ask where you found me? Do you have any provider references?
11:34 pm: saw u online
11:37 pm: I'm getting the feeling you're new to this.
11:39 pm: yah but if u can cum i gotz the cash
11:43 pm: I have no idea what you're talking about.


Case Study #2: The Exceptionally Eager Serviceman
7:23 pm: Tonite is a good night for an appt. Can you be here by 9?
7:35 pm: Where is here? Have we met?
7:39 pm: No. I live in Killeen. You can come to me right? Can't do any l8r than 9.
7:42 pm: Of course. That's no problem at all. I assume you're booking an overnight appointment, and that you'll have a chopper waiting outside my building to transport me to you once I'm showered and dressed so that I won't be late for our meeting. I'll screen you on the way to Killeen. See you soon! xoxo


Case Study #3: The Guy That Seems to Have Every Provider's Number
2:19 am: u avail?
3:24 am: workin?
3:39 am: i have sum sore mussels
8:24 am: I hear Advil does wonders for aches and pains, but I'm not sure of the proper dosage for shellfish and mollusks.


I'm stuck at work waiting on some project updates... entertain me!

your to funny girl.. love it!!!

Excellent responses!

That is why I love her!!!!

So I get this random text one day asking
"can I shave you down there?" I reply back, "can I wax you down there?" Never responds back, lol.
This one I get just about every other night..."Hey there. Would u know a guy that u trust bb? Im trying to arrange a fantasy for my husband. He wants to watch a guy cum in me. Pay ur fee of course". WOW I never even respond to whoever this person is.

Case Study #2: The Exceptionally Eager Serviceman
7:23 pm: Tonite is a good night for an appt. Can you be here by 9?
7:35 pm: Where is here? Have we met?
7:39 pm: No. I live in Killeen. You can come to me right? Can't do any l8r than 9.
7:42 pm: Of course. That's no problem at all. I assume you're booking an overnight appointment, and that you'll have a chopper waiting outside my building to transport me to you once I'm showered and dressed so that I won't be late for our meeting. I'll screen you on the way to Killeen. See you soon! xoxo Originally Posted by Natalie Reign

Love that one! You would of shit if there was a chopper landing in your parking lot.

These are hilarious! Hard to believe that really goes on.

However, I must state that I, in no way, have anything to do with Case Study #2!

Now, anyone know where I can rent a helicopter?

Last night got a call that came in 3:41am.

"Just wanted to know what you were up to"

When I heard the message I thought...... I was sleeping!

maybe im old fashioned but i rarely text and its only in the last year that i started texting at all

I recieved a text once at 3 am asking me if I wanted to go out to eat and then shopping. I guess we would have gone to a diner and then walmart.

@Natalie....

Not just a pretty face.... You witty and have a sense of humor too!!

The last one is a hoot. I knew how you were going to respond as soon as I saw "musseles"

Some people are just smart enough to not stick a fork in an electrical outlet

Some people are just smart enough to not stick a fork in an electrical outlet Originally Posted by austin_voy

Can I quote you on this the next time I receive a text worthy of a Darwin award?

ima have to prank text natalie one night when im drunk

Can I quote you on this the next time I receive a text worthy of a Darwin award? Originally Posted by Natalie Reign

Reminds me of a druggie kid in high school..he thought he was all bad ass...decided he'd mess things up and pissed in an outlet!

Let me tell you something he may not have picked up on a lot in classes but that boy learned a powerful lesson about electrical current and conductivity that day! He indeed was the brightest kid at school for a moment...