Things NOT to do to with your penis, vagina or rectum in 2014

So, was killing some time today and ran into these lists from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission. Each year they create a searchable database of ER visits. Someone kindly did the digging and came up with the following list. Seriously, what were people thinking? These are actual quotes from the ER Reports. BTW my favorite is the one with the remote control.....

Injury to Penis:
PUT HIS WEDDING RING ON HIS PENIS, NOW CAN'T GET IT OFF
SITTING ON A TOILET AND DROPPED CIGARETTE ONTO PENIS
BLEEDING FROM PENIS, WAS DANCING AND RUBBING UP AGAINST SOMEONE REALLY ROUGH
STRUCK PENIS ON SPEAKER BOX
CUT PENIS ON GIRLFRIENDS BELLY BUTTON RING
WAS AT A WATER PARK AND RAN INTO A POLE, FOREHEAD AND PENIS CONTUSION
WAS SEWING PANTS AND GOT NEEDLE STUCK IN PENIS
LACERATION PENIS WHEN GRABBED DURING BASKETBALL GAME
LACERATION TO PENIS USING SHOT GLASS TO MASTURBATE
SHOT WITH BB GUN BY BRO TO THE GENITAL
BURNT PENIS WITH BLOW DRYER
DROPPED A 10LB WEIGHT ONTO PENIS
FELL IN SHOWER DIRECTLY ONTO ERECT PENIS. HEARD CRACK TO SITE.
RUNNING WITH ERECT PENIS AND FELL ONTO FLOOR SUSTAINING PENILE FRACTURE
SHUT A DVD CASE ON PENIS
PLACED AN ELECTRIC LINT REMOVER TO PENIS AND SUSTAINED A CUT
HAS BEEN PUTTING HOT TOWELS ON HIS PENIS, & STRETCHING IT , TO MAKE IT BIGGER, SAW IT ON INTERNET-PENIS PAIN.

Inserted in or on Penis:
PENIS PLUG
20-30 MAGNETIC BUCKY BALLS
DICE
FISHTANK AIRHOSE
ANTENNA
SEWING NEEDLE
BB PELLET
"WIDE WOODEN DOWEL"
NAIL
PLASTIC PIPE, DENTAL FLOSS WITH BEADS
WIRE
MARBLE
EMBEDDED DOMINO IN PENIS "TO PLEASE THE LADIES"

Inserted into Vagina:
GLUE STICK
BARRETTE
SMALL FINGER VIBRATOR–"IT'S STILL ON"
TOILET PAPER
"LONG BLACK OBJECT"
PENIS RING
RIVET
"WORMS COMING OUT OF PEE-PEE"—PINWORMS
SPOON
PENCIL ERASER
PLASTIC BOTTLE OF CREAM (LID STILL ON)
NAPKINS IN VAGINA TO HAVE SEX DURING PERIOD

Inserted into Rectum:
PENCIL
PENCILS
SHAMPOO BOTTLE
COLOGNE BOTTLE
LOTION JAR
SODA CAN
SODA BOTTLE
FLASHLIGHT
BATHTUB STOPPER
SHOT GLASS (BROKEN)
SOCK
ICE PACK
END OF CURTAIN ROD
"PATIENT STATES HE WAS EXPERIENCING AN ITCHY RECTUM AND INSERTED A REMOTE CONTROL TO SCRATCH"
VIBRATOR
VIBRATOR BATTERY
COVER OF VIBRATOR
TIP OF VIBRATOR
"BIG PURPLE DILDO"
"PATIENT STATES HE GOT DRUNK AND PASSED OUT AT GIRLFRIENDS HOUSE, AWOKE WITH SPOONS AND DILDOS IN RECTUM"
LIGHTER
TOY SUBMARINE
TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER
2 HALVES OF BAR OF SOAP
POOL BALL
LIT BOTTLE ROCKET; "IT DIDN'T GO WELL"

Remember to have fun and make 2014 a memorable year and stay out of the ER.

Hilarious
My favorite......toy submarine

In rectum - LIT BOTTLE ROCKET; "IT DIDN'T GO WELL"
Funny, that one never gets old. I've seen a few YouTube videos on that topic.

Always a bad idea and for 2 good reasons.
1 - The wooden stem is usually pretty rough and may have splinters thus very painful while exiting at a high rate of speed.
2 - If the sphincter tightens and clamps down (which is normal with an adrenalin rush), now the bottle rocket can't leave the launching pad and showers sparks all over your genitals

I don't plan to make that list in 2014....lol.

I think we found the guy who lit the bottle rocket.

Funny,gross sad and true. WTF

Just shows that the shallow end of the gene pool will always have plenty of residents.

lol...reminds me of the fusilli seinfeld.

...million to one shot doc...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZPiWDOCEak

Napkins in vagina.... OH MY GOD!!!!!

"PATIENT STATES HE WAS EXPERIENCING AN ITCHY RECTUM AND INSERTED A REMOTE CONTROL TO SCRATCH"

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, sure, buddy!

"PATIENT STATES HE WAS EXPERIENCING AN ITCHY RECTUM AND INSERTED A REMOTE CONTROL TO SCRATCH"

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, sure, buddy! Originally Posted by CompanionSofia

Exactly - this one really cracked me up. Reminded my of the Jackass show where he shoved a toy car up his ass and blamed it on his friends when he passed out drunk in Mexico.