I know a lot of ladies have clients that spend more of the time they pay for talking about their lives and themselves....
Some of us come, play and leave with no sharing....
Some of us network with and have friends in this community that know a side of us no one else does.
Think about who you feel you REALLY are..... and answer the question....
Who REALLY knows you best?
I am pretty open around my friends within the community and a couple of them really do know more of my current situation in life then anyone outside of the Hobby....
It causes me to consider why I think of friends from outside of the hobby AS friends if I feel I cannot be more open with them....
- Whispers
- 01-28-2012, 10:18 AM
- austinkboy
- 01-28-2012, 01:45 PM
You are starting worry me a bit lately being so reflective, and with your talk of mortality... of course that does occasionally stare you in the face. Yes, I would agree with you that there are a couple of guys in this community that I would say know me better than most real world "friends". I probably haven't had really, really good friends since college days, and if you believe a recent poll on the age of men on Eccie, that is quite a number of years ago. Perhaps its because I have spent the majority of my life being married, and working trying to get somewhere in life. Perhaps its more difficult to make real friends in the real world where so much of your daily interaction is in a dog eat dog competitive environment.
A great subject...but I don't think you will get very many guys, or ladies responding. So, who else can I talk to about this hobby world other than my hobby buddies? And I don't find it odd that there are a couple of guys that I come to trust and feel like they understand me. And in the process, they come to know me as a person, and me them. So, to me when I say someone is my buddy, that means I trust that person, and it is a reflection of what I think that person's character is. However, and perhaps even more important, it might not be just about the positive qualities that you mutually appreciate, but the knowing each other to accept the shortcomings as well and be friends in spite of them.
A great subject...but I don't think you will get very many guys, or ladies responding. So, who else can I talk to about this hobby world other than my hobby buddies? And I don't find it odd that there are a couple of guys that I come to trust and feel like they understand me. And in the process, they come to know me as a person, and me them. So, to me when I say someone is my buddy, that means I trust that person, and it is a reflection of what I think that person's character is. However, and perhaps even more important, it might not be just about the positive qualities that you mutually appreciate, but the knowing each other to accept the shortcomings as well and be friends in spite of them.
- budman33
- 01-28-2012, 01:57 PM
Me
and a few friends that I've had since age 10. Friends who are true friends that you can tell anything to and you know they won't judge but instead remain friends are a rare commodity. I'd have to say, I have 4 of those.
and a few friends that I've had since age 10. Friends who are true friends that you can tell anything to and you know they won't judge but instead remain friends are a rare commodity. I'd have to say, I have 4 of those.
- austinkboy
- 01-28-2012, 02:06 PM
MeNo, I think I need my friends to "judge" so to speak. I need for them to be able to tell me what is on their minds. I need for them to tell me, real quick without worrying too much about hurting my feelings when I am being an idiot. I won't hold it against my friend for telling me, and he better not hold it against me for being an idiot. And it needs to work the other way when the roles are reversed.
and a few friends that I've had since age 10. Friends who are true friends that you can tell anything to and you know they won't judge but instead remain friends are a rare commodity. I'd have to say, I have 4 of those. Originally Posted by budman33
- Whispers
- 01-28-2012, 02:16 PM
You are starting worry me a bit lately being so reflective, and with your talk of mortality... of course that does occasionally stare you in the face. Originally Posted by austinkboyAfter an email from our mutual friend it has really been in the forefront of my thoughts.
I've lost a few acquaintances as well as 2 good friends over the years from this crazy segment of my life.
I haven't lost anyone that mattered from my "real" life outside of family.
So it is unsettling....
Do I need MORE real friends so that THEY can start dieing off to balance this. Or does this lifestyle contribute to a higher mortality rate than others?
Anyway.....
Yes... I have been rather mellow lately.... Can't manage to get riled up about anything.... Nothing has been worth the energy or has the promise to be entertaining enough.....
Can I flame the gals that stand you up? That might be fun!
- GneissGuy
- 01-28-2012, 03:05 PM
When I was a mod, I had to listen to the sad stories of many of the people who had the Real World/Hobby World barrier breached. Sometimes by others. Often by something that seemed very innocuous. Sometimes by someone who thought it didn't matter if people found out.
You would not believe the minor bits of information that people can piece together to find you. Or the bizarre coincidences that get people caught.
Or the stupid things people do that get them caught. Or get themselves caught.
You really do need to start off being very paranoid about keeping RW/HW separate. Then carefully consider when and where you choose to take a risk.
Of course, we're always taking some risk doing the hobby anyway. Life's less fun if you spend it under a rock. Just realize when you are taking a risk, and do it consciously. Don't accidentally hurt one of your friends.
In particular, you should be careful in unusual situations. Don't post something like "JoeBlow had a heart attack today, and is in the hospital recovering well. Pray for him." One of Joe's RW friends might already have suspicions and make the final link in the chain.
If you ARE Joe, consider carefully before you tell someone it's alright to post about your problems.
After one member of our local community died, and their family posted about it, one of our local troublemakers caused her family a lot of grief by digging up personal information. You aren't even safe when you're dead.
You would not believe the minor bits of information that people can piece together to find you. Or the bizarre coincidences that get people caught.
Or the stupid things people do that get them caught. Or get themselves caught.
You really do need to start off being very paranoid about keeping RW/HW separate. Then carefully consider when and where you choose to take a risk.
Of course, we're always taking some risk doing the hobby anyway. Life's less fun if you spend it under a rock. Just realize when you are taking a risk, and do it consciously. Don't accidentally hurt one of your friends.
In particular, you should be careful in unusual situations. Don't post something like "JoeBlow had a heart attack today, and is in the hospital recovering well. Pray for him." One of Joe's RW friends might already have suspicions and make the final link in the chain.
If you ARE Joe, consider carefully before you tell someone it's alright to post about your problems.
After one member of our local community died, and their family posted about it, one of our local troublemakers caused her family a lot of grief by digging up personal information. You aren't even safe when you're dead.
- VictoriaLyn
- 01-28-2012, 04:17 PM
No one truely knows me because I dont even know me fully yet..I learn something new everyday and this past 10 months have been a true test and taught me I knew less about myself then I ever thought at the same time learned that someone I thought I knew inside and out was not even close to what I believed
- sixxbach
- 01-28-2012, 04:21 PM
I have thought about this alot lately. I have
had a few people in my life tell me that even after many years of knowing me, they really don't know me. They are right.
In real life one gives a portrayal of a hard working, good friend, etc but little do they know... in this world one " knows you " as a hard core monger, ECCIE's greatest mod, etc
I have never felt that I was one of those individuals who is going to be live to be an "old man". My dad's real dad died really young, my dad nearly did at 37, maybe it skips a generation. So, yea, I think of mortality often
I guess I went way out on this one but oh well, just some things going through my mind lately. I am considering calling it quits in all reality. No real motivation anymore to hobby. At the end of the day, what is my legacy exactly? I think that is something we can all ask ourselves.
No one should worry, I am in a good place, just thinking of alot these days...
sixx
had a few people in my life tell me that even after many years of knowing me, they really don't know me. They are right.
In real life one gives a portrayal of a hard working, good friend, etc but little do they know... in this world one " knows you " as a hard core monger, ECCIE's greatest mod, etc
I have never felt that I was one of those individuals who is going to be live to be an "old man". My dad's real dad died really young, my dad nearly did at 37, maybe it skips a generation. So, yea, I think of mortality often
I guess I went way out on this one but oh well, just some things going through my mind lately. I am considering calling it quits in all reality. No real motivation anymore to hobby. At the end of the day, what is my legacy exactly? I think that is something we can all ask ourselves.
No one should worry, I am in a good place, just thinking of alot these days...
sixx
- GRIN OF SIN
- 01-28-2012, 05:27 PM
Although I am fairly open with friends (even more so than with family, it would seem) most of them, I really consider to be acquaintances or people I can socialize with and have a good time.
Due to my childhood, I've learned to become somewhat of a social chameleon: meaning I can adapt to just about any environment and "fit in". I'm also not very judgmental and genuinely enjoy discussions on just about any topic, so people find it easy to talk to me.
However, because of my social observations, I've come to learn that it's never a good idea to confide (too deeply) in every acquaintance who seems friendly or trustworthy -- not because I care what they would think of me, but because they could use this information against me on some level. Thus, the number of people I consider "close friends", tends to stay fairly low.
When one of my closest friends passed away, it made me wonder if I should be more revealing. Up until then, whenever I lost a friend (moved, falling-out, etc) it never hit me on such a deep, emotional level. Sure, I'd be sad and what not, but these were things I had already grown accustomed to.
Currently, there are two people who know me almost as well as I know myself, and two more, of whom, I would like to become closer... which is enough for me.
Due to my childhood, I've learned to become somewhat of a social chameleon: meaning I can adapt to just about any environment and "fit in". I'm also not very judgmental and genuinely enjoy discussions on just about any topic, so people find it easy to talk to me.
However, because of my social observations, I've come to learn that it's never a good idea to confide (too deeply) in every acquaintance who seems friendly or trustworthy -- not because I care what they would think of me, but because they could use this information against me on some level. Thus, the number of people I consider "close friends", tends to stay fairly low.
When one of my closest friends passed away, it made me wonder if I should be more revealing. Up until then, whenever I lost a friend (moved, falling-out, etc) it never hit me on such a deep, emotional level. Sure, I'd be sad and what not, but these were things I had already grown accustomed to.
Currently, there are two people who know me almost as well as I know myself, and two more, of whom, I would like to become closer... which is enough for me.
- odikar
- 01-28-2012, 05:51 PM
I believe I have one true friend in this hobby . My definition of a true friend is someone that can tell you when you are making an ass out of your self and you believe him . Or on one occasion ( ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID !!!) . As for mortality I will borrow shamelessly " You are only as old as the women you feel " . By this definition you have a long run ahead of you .
- budman33
- 01-28-2012, 06:21 PM
No, I think I need my friends to "judge" so to speak. I need for them to be able to tell me what is on their minds. I need for them to tell me, real quick without worrying too much about hurting my feelings when I am being an idiot. I won't hold it against my friend for telling me, and he better not hold it against me for being an idiot. And it needs to work the other way when the roles are reversed. Originally Posted by austinkboymy friends will tell me when im being an idiot, but they don't judge. They speak their minds freely and often to the expense of my ego. But they don't lay judgement, judgement is final. IMO of course
- budman33
- 01-28-2012, 06:22 PM
- sixxbach
- 01-28-2012, 06:34 PM
- kaiser
- 01-28-2012, 06:36 PM
Interesting thread. My real friends know both sides of my life. But I trust them unequivocally and always believed that no man can have more friends than he can count on on one hand. Sure I have tons of Facebook "friends" or social acquaintances, but a true friend is only borne through time spent together, both good and especially bad, and loyalty tested. To answer your question, my friends know me best, but that is a small group, but I'd rather go to war with them than a stadium full two-faced acquaintances.
- Reya Sunshine
- 01-28-2012, 06:40 PM
My dog....ewww...not like that you pervs. Just that my dog is almost always with me and knows me best.