This is going to be a long post. If you don't want to read it all, scroll down for a one sentence summary. Hopefully some of you won't mind, and it could be interesting, especially since this place has both clients and providers.
Here we go! I was born with Spinal Muscular Atrophy, which is a form of Muscular Dystrophy. Did you see the Jerry Lewis MDA telethon on Labor Day? I used to be on that every year. You might have even seen me. When I was diagnosed at age of 10 months, my doctor said I wouldn't survive my 8th birthday. I'm now 22.
I've never been able to walk or even stand. I haven't been able to eat in over two years, living on a feeding tube. I've been on a ventilator which breathes for me for nine years. I'm bedridden, only able to leave once or twice per month, usually for doctor appointments, not much fun.
Now that my condition is worsening, I really don't have long left. I can move my thumbs, in order to use a mouse. I type with an onscreen keyboard. I can also speak, but very softly. Only my closest friends and family can understand me over the phone, so I don't use one. In person, you need to be within a foot or two to hear my voice, but I'm an absolute sucker for good conversation, which I don't get often.
As you can imagine, I don't have a social life. I don't have a girlfriend, never have. I'm a virgin, in the most extreme sense. Due to my condition, I lost use of my arms before reaching puberty. I've never had an orgasm. At all. But I can sustain an erection, and there's no medical reason I can't have sex as long as my partner does all the work. In fact, my beard and penis are the only parts of my body I'm not ashamed of.
Have you figured out why I'm here yet? Anyway, from here on are my questions, and I guess my begging for assistance.
Are there any providers who would be comfortable with my situation? I don't need somebody who specializes in the disabled, nor do I really want one. I want to feel like a normal person. I want a normal person. I hope it's okay if I actually explain a little more about what I do want before getting to the next question. You're welcome to skip ahead.
There were years growing up that I spent more time in the hospital than out. In my life as a whole, I've been touched more by sterile gloves than human skin, and that really messes with your head. As much as anything, I want a provider who will be intimate with me. I've never had anybody trace their finger down my leg. I've never been cuddled with, and I really want to be. So intimacy is the most important thing to me. Holding, touching, kissing. I love having things in my mouth because I can use my tongue.
Here's what I absolutely don't care about. Race, height, weight, hair color, cup size, or any other physical attribute whatsoever. I don't want to claim to be mature for my age, which is in itself immature, but I'm entirely beyond that when it comes to attraction. I know providers take great care of their looks, but it doesn't interest me. I even prefer no makeup and old ragged clothing.
Okay, next question. How can I possibly pass a screening? I've never done this before (well, once, $300 cash and dash, she didn't even come inside) so I have no referrals. I don't have a job, because I can't work. I have pictures from throughout my entire life if that would help, but other than that I don't have a clue how I can prove who I am.
Last question. While reading around, learning the terminology and everything, I also read some guides for first timers. The number one rule, which I completely understand, is to never talk about sex. But like I said, I'm a virgin. There are things I do want to discuss with the provider before I cum for the first time. I'd like them to know it's my first. I want to discuss it with her. I want to tell her after 22 years of sexual frustration, I'm probably going to last all of ten seconds, and ask if I can go again, so to speak. While not necessarily embarrassed, I'd be a lot more comfortable being able to be honest and open about it before it actually happens. So when can I start that conversation if mentioning sex is an absolute no no? Is that only before meeting?
Thank you all so incredibly much for your time, and I promise to try to be a valued part of this community if I can get the help I'm looking for.
If you skipped here from the beginning, here is your promised one sentence summary. I'm a cripple, and a virgin, who would be okay with me, how can I pass a screening, and when is it appropriate to talk about it being my first time?
