Strangest, craziest, or weirdest ways you've injured yourself

Threw my back out once picking up a baby. Now at that time I could bench press 310 lbs.

Yoga. Fell on my ass. Kicked the coffee table.

My Senior year in high school I worked in the produce section of a grocery store. One day I was lifting boxes of lettuce heads to de-core and wrap to put out on shelves. I had a paring knife and like a dumbass had the blade pointing at me in my palm. When I bent to pick up the box of lettuce heads, I lifted up and turned/twisted at same time. My foot was on a slippery nasty piece of fruit on the floor in the cooler and I slipped and fell forward, then rolled on my back.

When I started to get up I felt a sharp pain in my crotch. When I looked down, the paring knife was thru my apron, thru my jeans and into my scrotum. damn things are super sharp.

I laid there thinking the following questions:

1. Who will find me in this cooler in the morning dead with a knife in my balls? and please don't let it be any of the cute check out girls I have a crush on.
2. How many people will be laughing at my funeral?
3. If I am found, depending on which high school buddy or girl I work with at the store tells the tale of finding me to the entire school, will I wish I were dead from embarrassment?
4. If I pull this knife out, will there be a testicle attached to the end of the blade?

Oh joy, I did not die, but yes, the cute check out girl who I had been crushing on since 7th grade found me and stood there in the doorway of the produce cooler looking at me laying on the floor with a knife sticking out of my crotch.

And what did she say? "I know you are depressed because you don't have a date for the prom yet, but if you wanted to commit suicide, that is the wrong way to go about it."

I looked up and said "I know we've flirted since 7th grade and have liked each other, I have always been to shy to ask you out or be my girlfriend. but will you please pull this knife out of my balls?"

She bent down, placed on hand on my crotch(evil bitch) on hand on the handle and told me to hold my breath, she'd count to 3 then pull the blade out. I held my breath and the bitch pulled it out on 2. I took a deep breath and she started to undo my pants. I asked her what she was doing, she said she needed to put gauze on it so I wouldn't bleed to death or have a testical fall out of the hole.(My Angel)

Nothing came out with it. Seems the blade went thru the sack, in between the testicles about 1/2 inch deep. While bandaging me up on the cooler floor, little spieler was wanting to play. She couldn't help but to look. When she looked at me she raised an eyebrow and I shouted "It's a miracle, it's alive!" "When you finish would you kiss it and make it better?" She shook her head, laughed a little and when done she closed the cooler door and gave me a painfully pleasurable Blow Job.

I then asked her to the prom and she said "yes, shut up let me take you to the Dr to get you stiches." Another embarrassing moment of my life with female Dr and Nurse getting 5 stiches in my scrotum.

Of course, everyone knew about it at school Monday morning. I played Tuba in the band and had to be very carful putting it in my lap to play with everyone watching.

However, Best Prom Ever!!!

Don't know if anybody will top that story, Von...

For me, I'm careful in Cowgirl these days...had a few of you ladies get too excited and literally perform "liftoff" and come crashing down on Junior bending him all sorts of ways.

I cut one of those "salt bump" things off of my tongue once while I was in the service. I did it on purpose, does that count for this thread?

Yes, it hurt like a mofo!

TM

Threw my back out once picking up a baby. Now at that time I could bench press 310 lbs. Originally Posted by ManSlut

I just want to know if anyone has suffered a fractured penis?

I just want to know if anyone has suffered a fractured penis? Originally Posted by Rehke

Almost. Didn't read the instructions for a penis vacuum pump. Had to cut it off with a hacksaw.

Almost. Didn't read the instructions for a penis vacuum pump. Had to cut it off with a hacksaw. Originally Posted by Jarvis

Geezus!! Are you guarding the ladies' incalls and studios now?? Lol, j/k

Was walking barefooted through the house when I was in middle school and stepped on a sewing needle. It broke off under my big toe. Had to have full surgery, knocked out and everything because the needle was so small it could be hidden by a drop of blood. Could wear a shoe for a while but what really sucked is I had to wear a plastic bag over my foot because it rain for the next two weeks.

My Senior year in high school I worked in the produce section of a grocery store. One day I was lifting boxes of lettuce heads to de-core and wrap to put out on shelves. I had a paring knife and like a dumbass had the blade pointing at me in my palm. When I bent to pick up the box of lettuce heads, I lifted up and turned/twisted at same time. My foot was on a slippery nasty piece of fruit on the floor in the cooler and I slipped and fell forward, then rolled on my back.

When I started to get up I felt a sharp pain in my crotch. When I looked down, the paring knife was thru my apron, thru my jeans and into my scrotum. damn things are super sharp.

I laid there thinking the following questions:

1. Who will find me in this cooler in the morning dead with a knife in my balls? and please don't let it be any of the cute check out girls I have a crush on.
2. How many people will be laughing at my funeral?
3. If I am found, depending on which high school buddy or girl I work with at the store tells the tale of finding me to the entire school, will I wish I were dead from embarrassment?
4. If I pull this knife out, will there be a testicle attached to the end of the blade?

Oh joy, I did not die, but yes, the cute check out girl who I had been crushing on since 7th grade found me and stood there in the doorway of the produce cooler looking at me laying on the floor with a knife sticking out of my crotch.

And what did she say? "I know you are depressed because you don't have a date for the prom yet, but if you wanted to commit suicide, that is the wrong way to go about it."

I looked up and said "I know we've flirted since 7th grade and have liked each other, I have always been to shy to ask you out or be my girlfriend. but will you please pull this knife out of my balls?"

She bent down, placed on hand on my crotch(evil bitch) on hand on the handle and told me to hold my breath, she'd count to 3 then pull the blade out. I held my breath and the bitch pulled it out on 2. I took a deep breath and she started to undo my pants. I asked her what she was doing, she said she needed to put gauze on it so I wouldn't bleed to death or have a testical fall out of the hole.(My Angel)

Nothing came out with it. Seems the blade went thru the sack, in between the testicles about 1/2 inch deep. While bandaging me up on the cooler floor, little spieler was wanting to play. She couldn't help but to look. When she looked at me she raised an eyebrow and I shouted "It's a miracle, it's alive!" "When you finish would you kiss it and make it better?" She shook her head, laughed a little and when done she closed the cooler door and gave me a painfully pleasurable Blow Job.

I then asked her to the prom and she said "yes, shut up let me take you to the Dr to get you stiches." Another embarrassing moment of my life with female Dr and Nurse getting 5 stiches in my scrotum.

Of course, everyone knew about it at school Monday morning. I played Tuba in the band and had to be very carful putting it in my lap to play with everyone watching.

However, Best Prom Ever!!!


Originally Posted by Von Spieler

Riiight.

Hey, on a similar topic, have you seen the movie Mitty yet?

Von that is the best story.

A few years ago I was cooking corn nuggets and the corn popped and hot oil went in my eyes and on my face. I had burn spots for a few weeks.

Years before that I was at work and I was busy talking and walking ( well more like flirting and walking ) and walked into the solid concrete or metal poles inside the stores and busted my nose. I guess next time I shouldn't walk and flirt at the same time. Next time you go to Wal Mart and see the carpet around the poles that is why too many people got hurt.

I have done a lot of crazy stuff and always sober.