St Paddy's Day Humor

While on vacation in Rome , I noticed a marble column in St. Peter's with a golden telephone on it. As a young priest passed by, I asked who the telephone was for. The priest told me it was a direct line to heaven, and if I'd like to call, it would be a thousand dollars. I was amazed, but declined the offer.

Throughout Italy , I kept seeing the same golden telephone on a marble column. At each, I asked about it and the answer was always the same: It was a direct line to heaven and I could call for a thousand dollars.

Then - I finished my tour in Ireland . I decided to attend Mass at a local village church.. When I walked in the door I noticed the golden telephone. Underneath it there was a sign stating: "DIRECT LINE TO HEAVEN: 25 cents." "Father," I said, "I have been all over Italy and in all the cathedrals I visited, I've seen telephones exactly like this one. But the price is always a thousand dollars. Why is it that this one is only 25 cents?"


The priest smiled and said, , "you're in Ireland now. It's a local call."

Happy St. Patrick's Day, a little early!!

And I'll raise you one!!!

Subject: Fw: An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman......

Three guys are having a pint.
Y'know" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home.


In Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks, he will buy the fifth drink for you."
"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhhhh, that's nothing," said the Irishman. "Back home there's a real Irish Bar in South Buffalo which gives you a treat.
Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims. But he swears every word is true.
"Well," asked the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"
"Not me meself, personally, no," said the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister."

So there was these two Irish queers; Patrick Fitzgerald & Gerald Fitzpatrick

Sean, Michael, and Kevin survive a shipwreck, and begin hauling boxed supplies from the water and into their tiny lifeboat. One of the floating crates contains several bottles of 100-year-old Scotch.

Kevin opens a bottle and almost drops it when a genie pops out. "I am the Genie of the Bottle, a genie of 100 years!" (This is a very young genie, not yet very powerful.) "I can grant you one wish!"

Before anyone can think about it Michael blurts, "I wish the ocean were made of Guinness!"

"Done!" announces the genie, and vanishes in a cloud of smoke. As the smoke dissipates the men can see, all around the boat, the dark foamy liquid that they love, lapping against the sides and extending to all the horizons.

"Bejesus, Michael do ye see what you've done," cries Kevin. "We're going to have to pee in the boat!"

So there was these two Irish queers; Patrick Fitzgerald & Gerald Fitzpatrick Originally Posted by wnykittenkisser

I heard tell it was Phillip McCann and Pat Mcgroin!