Lamentations of a Whore Monger
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Dearhunter, a hobbyist of ill repute and friend of the Bros, to those who are called, reviewers on the hobby board and kept safe for whore mongering:
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may pussy be yours in abundance.
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Hobbyists, although I have made every effort (see the Book of Hezziciah) to write to you about our common inclinations, I now feel a need to write to encourage you to contend for the path that was once for all handed down to the seasoned ones.
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For there have been some board members, who long ago were designated for this condemnation, piece of shit hobbyists and whores, who pervert the purpose of this hobby board into licentiousness and who pervert our common goals to their own designs.
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I wish to remind you, although you know all things, that (the) seasoned hobbyists who once saved newbies and fellow whore mongers from the evil whore and lying white knight later chastised those who would mull the cud of their stupidity.
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The tried too, who did not keep to their own council but deserted their proper path, he is kept in hobby chains, in self gloom, for the judgment before the great hobby masses.
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Likewise, prairie-chicken, metal-head, and other hobbyists, which, in the same manner as they, indulged in sexual stupidity and practiced unnatural hobbying, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal ridicule.
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Similarly, these dreamers nevertheless also defile the hobby, scorn whoring etiquette, and revile the honest review.
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Yet the seasoned hobbyist, when he argued with the ignorant in a dispute over the body of a thread, did not venture to pronounce a reviling judgment upon him but said, "May the hobby board rebuke you!"
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But these hobbyists revile what they do not understand and are destroyed by what they know by nature like irrational whore mongers.
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Woe to them! They followed the way of chicken little, abandoned themselves to mickeys’ error for the sake of gain, and perished in the gloating of “it won’t happen to me”.
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These are blemishes on your pussy feasts, as they carouse fearlessly and look only after themselves. They are waterless clouds blown about by winds, fruitless trees in late autumn, twice dead and uprooted.
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They are like wild waves of the sea, foaming up their shameless deeds, wandering stars for whom the gloom of hobby darkness has been reserved forever.
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Chicagoboy, of the second generation of the hobby board, prophesied also about them when he said, "Two Rules of Holes
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#1 – If you find yourself in one, stop digging.
#2 – If you are unable to obey #1, at least try not to shovel the muck onto your own head.
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These hobbyists are complainers, disgruntled ones who live by their desires; their mouths utter bombast as they fawn over whores to gain advantage.
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But you, fellow hobbyists, remember the words spoken beforehand by the seasoned of the hobby board,
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for they told you, "On the hobby board there will be scoffers who will live according to their own whore mongers desires."
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These are the hobbyists who cause divisions; they live in the hobby chaos, devoid of hobby sense.
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But you, fair minded hobbyists, build yourselves up in your hobby common sense; hobby in the safety of the Bros.
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Keep yourselves in the hobby traditions and wait for the advice of our seasoned hobbyists that leads to hobby nirvana.
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On those who waver, have mercy;
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save hobbyists by snatching them out of the fires of hobby hell; on others have mercy with instilling fear, abhorring even the bullshit whining of “It happened to me. It can happen to you”.
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To the one who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you unblemished and exultant, in the presence of his hobby glory,
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to the only Bros, our friends, through whore mongering our hobby be exalted, pussy, pussy, and more pussy since ages past, now, and for hobby ages to come. Amen.
