My Dad's second wedding. . .it was a huge, ritzy affair as both him and his second wife were executives with a great deal of money and they were influential in the community.
I was an idiot teenager at my first open bar event. There was a professional photographer and even newspaper coverage. . .
I had always had the hots for his secretary. . .well, I guess you would call them an executive assistant these days. Anyway she was there and had just broken up with her boyfriend. I think she always knew I fantasized about her as she would constantly flirt and tease me in the past. She was way out of my league, so normally I would just soak it in and then go home and masturbate. Not this time. . .
I met a new friend at the reception and his name was Jose Cuervo. Jose was amazing. He whispered things in my ear that night that convinced me I could do anything!
So I danced with several women, including his hot secretary. She must have had a bit to drink and was already in a ripe mood given the break up. She escalated the teasing and soon we were grinding into each other on the dance floor.
The men of the wedding party were dressed in full tuxedos with tails. The trousers here cut with a billowing pleat. Needless to say after about four or five standing lap dances as we swayed to the music, I had a teen erection of epic proportions--dang I miss being a teenager.
The last song was incredible, and in my young deluded mind, I was about to get lucky in the coat check room. Then my dad tapped me on the shoulder and told me it was time for the groomsmen to take a few reception pictures. I moved with the other guys in the wedding party. Being a high school football noseguard, I was the biggest guy in the room, and that put me on the end of the line for the picture. In other words i was at an angle with a side profile in the pic. The photographer snapped several shots and then my dad's best man leaned down and told me I needed to go tot he bathroom. At first I was confused, then I looked down and turned beet red. With the cut of the tuxedo, the erection I had made this distorted tent that was clownish.
Being young and drunk, I was not aware just how huge my erection had been or how it had looked in a tuxedo (like an overgrown penguin with a hard on) until he tried to tell me discreetly that I was making an ass out of myself. I tried to hide it and scramble off to the bathroom, but several men and women in the crowd watching the photo session were already pointing and snickering, and several turned and looked at my "date" and she ran off in terror. I don't think she ever spoke to me again.
As bad as that was, nothing was as embarrassing as watching my dad and his new wife go through the wedding proof pictures a few weeks later and the stack of rejection pictures that have since come to be called THE BONER PHOTOS. Nearly every holiday family gathering the story is told and often my dad goes and gets the proofs he managed to keep somehow just to show folks that think it is a tall tale.