The hobby & relationships??

Has anyone ever gotten involved with a client or provider?
Ever attempted to start a relationship only to have them cheat on you even though they have permission to see others as long as there are no lies or secrets?
If just starting the relationship and you are not paying nor getting help from the partner and this is the lady's only source of income....
For hobbyists, would you expect the lady to quit doing something that had been a regular part of her menu even if you knew it would cost her business?
For providers, would you stop doing something just because he asked knowing you would lose almost half of your income from regulars?

I have several retired-Provider friendships, and we are merely social friends.. yes I have had my tongue in their asses but we have not sex in 5 years and the other 2 years. They are my dear friends now. I love them. I am a single man and they fill the void of a female companion whom I can talk about my feelings too.

now would I date a Provider,, not a working one..to much stress and drama in my book..

Developing serious feelings about a semi retired or active Provider, IMHO, is never a good idea. Something about Providers that make them ingrained into your soul. More so than a civilian woman. Times can be good when retired but torture when she goes active again.

I did see one provider that was really an awesome person. Fantastic looks, fun as hell to be with, a great all around cool chick. We got to the point where we were sharing who we really were with each other and I could tell that I was developing too much "like" for her. I didn't want it to get complicated, because I know things like that generally end badly. I quit seeing her and I explained why when she asked. We spoke for a while after that, but I refused to see her as a client and she was understanding about it. We just kind of drifted apart, which was a good thing.

I saw another that I really just loved to have sex with. We apparently both loved it, because she would express how much fun it was and she would buy props and toys that were specific to our discussions outside the bedroom. I always insisted on paying, even though it was basically peanuts. She was submissive and I knew how to handle her, which she really liked. We saw each other for years, but she retired and I left it at that. She's my ATF and I wish she was still around.

I'm not here to have a relationship. I want an escape and if I see it turning into something more, I'll take a step back or just stop the whole thing entirely.

Several retired provider friends have gone on to LTRs and marriages. Makes me happy to see it work for them.

This seems to come up every six to eighteen months. There should be several threads out there on this.

My understanding of this topic is that sometimes it works and often it does not. Now that's concerning Providers.

There is a great piece out there on dating a stripper . . .a whole different ball game there!

Google "So You Want to Date a Stripper?"

I believe if you want someone to lie, cheat and drain you of all your money that's the way to go. I believe and this is totally my own opinion, is that once your a client your always a client. There isn't no way to go back. Now as for one becoming a SB that different, and that's still kind if tricky.

But I have had friends with benefit with some before. We do a severely discounted rate but it's a steady rate. In the cases I've been in let's say I girl charges 150 hh. We agree on something like 50 a pop. I might come thur 2 to : times a week. We don't do time limits but I don't over stay my welcome. She knows if she needs some extra cash I'm a call away. She also know like my last one I've had is how to get it off quick.

Little shorts
Long school girl socks
Pigtails
A clean shave below.

She gets really into the whole thing and out 20 mins later I'm done.

I don't ask where she been or who see been with. Not my business.

Tricky topic. When I was new to the hobby and still trying to figure out where the lines were I had a session with a lady that I clicked with in every way. I actually developed a big crush on her. She was quite experienced and set me straight pretty quickly. I still see her and we are "friends", communicating frequently about many topics completely outside the hobby. I genuinely like her and she would be a blast to hang out with with no sex whatsoever. She has also been a reference for me many times and her references helped me get past the newbie stage when getting sessions with ladies you really want to see can be difficult. There are 23 words in my sig line that sum it up beautifully. Don't confuse the hobby for something it's not. I've been happily hobbying since I figured that out.

Tricky topic. When I was new to the hobby and still trying to figure out where the lines were I had a session with a lady that I clicked with in every way. I actually developed a big crush on her. She was quite experienced and set me straight pretty quickly. I still see her and we are "friends", communicating frequently about many topics completely outside the hobby. I genuinely like her and she would be a blast to hang out with with no sex whatsoever. She has also been a reference for me many times and her references helped me get past the newbie stage when getting sessions with ladies you really want to see can be difficult. There are 22 words in my sig line that sum it up beautifully. Don't confuse the hobby for something it's not. I've been happily hobbying since I figured that out.

Has anyone ever gotten involved with a client or provider? Yes, several times...uh...six at varying degrees. I married one and we have a son. We divorced, for reasons other than the hobby (I was retired) after being together for eight years. I fell in love/mutual w/ a client (married, of course) and yes, that ended badly. We recently made peace after running into each other. Met another 'client' had we had a four year 'might as well have been married but thank God we weren't because he 'emotionally' cheated w/ non-hobby women the entire time' * rolling eyes* Whatever
Last year, I met another client and *sigh* started a relationship with him - it has been an amazing/sometimes painful/wistful and yet, I consider him one of the great loves of my life. Gee, I am such a romantic, at heart Will we end up together? No. He is married. Lives across the state but, if things were different, who knows? I recently met someone and it was mutual infatuation and chemistry, from moment one. We both want different things but, with no expectations - it is fun to enjoy the chemistry. There are married men that I have met and adore - yet, after the roller coaster of the past year, I have drawn the line at 'falling for/in love' w/ any more married men.
If they want my devoted time/genuine friendship then it HAS to be under the guise of client/provider because it keeps it from being an affair, if that makes sense.
Ever attempted to start a relationship only to have them cheat on you even though they have permission to see others as long as there are no lies or secrets? Yes. It hurt - he was grievously sorry, even tho' an appointment never occurred, it was his timing that hurt.Otherwise, they are free to see others as it is just about 'sex and relieving that itch' that men are prone to get *wink*
If just starting the relationship and you are not paying nor getting help from the partner and this is the lady's only source of income....My long term relationship has been very kind and generous, as he realizes that when he is visiting, it does take time away from potential 'earnings'. It has never felt like a SB thing - hard to define...
For hobbyists, would you expect the lady to quit doing something that had been a regular part of her menu even if you knew it would cost her business?
For providers, would you stop doing something just because he asked knowing you would lose almost half of your income from regulars? Originally Posted by TemptationTammie

Uhhhh...no...in fact, I would say that, in some respects, my horizons have been expanded and I have incorporated that into my 'repertoire'

This is a topic that matters to me because it happens more often than people are willing to admit. People are people. Chemistry and deeper attractions happens and human hearts long for connection - and we can't always dictate where and when 'spirit' will move you. Many hobbyists cling to the belief that all or most providers are 'bat shit crazy' or trouble just waiting to happen. Some of us (yoohoo) are quite normal, sane, well-adjusted women who happen to enjoy sex and are emotionally healthy enough to do this for other reasons than healing any inner demons.
Hell, I fall in 'like' once a month and there are 'clients' that I would miss tremendously - we have had to talk a great deal to define what and who we are. This 'hobby' life does blur some lines, indeed.
Yes, for many it is best to back away as soon as they recognize the symptoms of 'being in like'. Others are able to just enjoy the connection and realize it won't have a long term outcome.

If this is some sort of disclaimer - my persona of 'Aphrodite' is merely my board presence, for security reasons(obviously). I don't carry a 'fake' personality into my sessions or a cold attitude that is all business. Once we meet - you meet 'me'. I don't want to be your next ATF or GF but, I can't separate my 'heart' out of sex.

So Tammie...and others...do what works for you...I have no regrets



Aphrodite

Sorry, correcting the sig line word count and accidentally double posted.

So far you gents seem to be saying that you've continued paying the lady for her time, which to me keeps that wall up in a way. If you were NOT paying her would you still feel the same?
RB - don't all relationships have stress & drama? And what if you felt completely comfortable at peace and relaxed with the lady, and no stress or drama?
Aphrodite - I completely agree that it is hard to leave my heart out and be cold and all business. Yes, this is a business, but for those of us that truly enjoy it, it is hard to check our feelings entirely. I enjoy everything I do, even if it is a simple BnG. And I've been told that sets me apart, because I'm genuine.

Once upon a time, I was seeing a stripper. It wasn't serious, but it was exclusive. She worked in a very high end club with copious extras, including sex. That is a bit different than a provider, for sure, but the tit-for-tat mindset is similar.

I think she was an awesome girl and thoroughly loved being with her. I still fantasize about the sex sometimes. She was very skilled in the bedroom, and while she wasn't as ribald as many later partners, what limited menu she had, she did with amazing vigor, enthusiasm, and frankly skill to where my mentality was damn the rest of the menu. And she could control her kitty like no girl I've slept with since; squeezing it to milk me. She loved rough sex where she had no control, especially if we were risking getting caught-- honestly, the sex was borderline rape sometimes, and that is the way she liked it. I still feel guilty because I used to push her on that front because that is one of my fantasies as well. I never knew how hard to push though because I didn't want to "actually" rape her (I wanted her to say no but mean yes; not say no and mean no such that my pushing traumatizes her).

But honestly, her view on relationships was skewed and she had some rather Freudian issues with her father (or lack thereof), and that led to some unorthodox behavior. I'm by no means and expert and at the time I was more concerned with the fact that she was a fabulous lay than the fact that we didn't have much in common and that she took a few too many Xanex's to cope with her job. In that way, she was the stereotypical sex-worker.

To answer your question, yes I wanted her to take off a large part of her menu, even though this was her only source of income: notably sex, oral sex, and any pussy play. But she still commanded around $1000.00 per night, which was about 150% to twice what most of her counterparts earned at the club, so I don't think she honored my request because she continued to buy herself Prada bags and Dior sunglasses. Ultimately it ended because I couldn't curb my jealousy and believed that indeed she was cheating on me at work. But like a jackass instead of me breaking it off, I constantly accused her of cheating on me (harassing her) until she left. It's funny how much we change as we grow up and realize how poorly we treated people in the past, believing that we were the victims.

I wouldn't do it unless the person was retired that's for sure.

if you believe in destiny you could argue you were meant to meet and by way of this hobby you met each other right?

of course there have been a few providers I wish I could take home with me, don't see that as being odd... but the sheer number of people they have been with is something that would bother me a lot whether they are a provider or just a girl who went to a lot of frat parties in college.

As tempting as it would be, this is someone whose profession involves sex with other men. It's not like we can have a dinner conversation about how our respective days went; not if I truly felt that this was someone I wanted all to myself. I don't believe in trying to change someone; either who they are works for you or it doesn't.

If the person were retired and showed no signs of going back or missing it, then it might be a different story. I'd never try to get someone to quit so they could be with me; that never works.