Lady has a meltdown.

Was chatting with a lady I've known for years. Talking about how I was thinking of offerring a "civie" gal $$$. Not only did she discourage me from doing it but she went into meltdown about where she is now. Started crying first about how much stress this business has taken on her. Then she got PISSED. "I always did good in school! Had good grades and dreams. Then I started stripping, next thing I know I'm a fuckin whore"!!!

What's bothering me is I was one of her first clients and now feel guilty because all this time I believed I was helping her out by being a "good client". But now feel I was part of entrenching her in something she now despises.

When I first met this gal she said she would only do this for a few years then get out. Sound familiar to some of you gals?

Every girl has her own reasons for doing this. Please don't feel bad, whether you know it or not,
I am sure you have helped her by being a good client.
I know I am completely grateful for everyone I have met!
I love the intimacy and desires that I have fulfilled! Plus, I love satisfying
a man in every way!
I am here to reassure you that you have no reason to feel guilty and it
was very nice sharing that information on your female friend.
Hugs,
Maria of DFW

I hope you don't take that as a "we all secretly feel that way" kind of thing. I know even here, many do not have any respect for what we do, and wonder how we can be okay with such a thing, but I really think it's all how the lady's business is conducted. I really do love this. At least, for now. Do I want to do it forever? Of course not. But for right now it's fun, and lucrative, and I really enjoy it. Probably because I don't overwork and I screen for personality and preference as well as safety. Most of the men I see are super sweet to me and treat me very very well.

You lady friend needs to find a new avenue of income. She is hurting herself by staying in this thing if that is how she really feels. No amount of money is worth feeling that way about yourself and your life. And I think it should be said, that feeling unsatisfied and horrible about what you do for a living is not unique to escorts. I know people with "normal" jobs that would rather lose a finger than get up and go to their own personal "hell" every day.

I feel kind of embarrassed for the provider...emotional meltdowns usually don't make for a good session! Sounds like it's time for her to take some "me" time away from the business.

Not all ladies feel like that.

Some ladies do, and for them, continuing in this profession may be harmful.

For those ladies who feel like that, yes, in a sense her clients could be considered "enablers."

But it's a different type than the normal meaning of the word. Usually we think of enablers as someone whose "help" was necessary for or significantly helps the other to continue self-destructive behavior. A wive who makes excuses for her husband's alcoholism, or a boss who overlooks it, etc. But in the client-escort relationship, it's more attenuated. If I stop seeing Sad Suzy, it won't force her to change a harmful situation, unless most of her other clients stop seeing her too. Similarly, if you had never seen this lady, would she have left the profession by now? Odds are that she wouldn't have.

I understand your concern but I've made my peace with this problem. First, not all ladies feel like that and I usually have no way of knowing whether she does. I try to see ladies who seem comfortable being an escort and I don't assume that any particular lady dislikes it. Second, whether or not I continue to see her probably won't affect whether she continues in a profession that's unhealthy (for her, not necessarily for everyone). Third, if I'm respectful and treat her well, it may at least minimize the harm, compared to some of the other clients.

Maybe that's wishful thinking or rationalization. But it gets me through the night.

Wow, thats a tuff spot to be in. That sucks. I bet the look on your face (while she was venting) was priceless.

Sounds like"
(a) she may need a hug or some anti-depressants
(b) she is unhappy with herself and her life choices
(c) she may need to reconsider being in the hobby - if you don't truly enjoy it - MOVE ALONG.
(d) she may have wanted you to give HER that $$$ instead of some random civi gal.

I once knew a girl like this. She despised the hobby, yet she was a provider. Instead of it actually making her feel sexy, it made her feel dirty. She would talk so much trash about it, to me, that finally I had to finally just tell her, "If you don't like it, then CHANGE IT". (I think she was waiting on someone to come on rescue her, but that is a Richard Gere/Julia Roberts fantasy.) There ARE always OTHER options...I heard Palm Beach Tan is hiring. LOL, no but honestly...No one FORCES the providers to be providers (well, err, unless they have a pimp or something, LOL). Alot of ladies pull that same line on alot of guys trying to get them to feel sorry for them...(sigh) and apparently it works for alot of the girls. Im just not geared like that. That's not how I roll, and I will never understand it.

You've helped her through all of the times you've seen her, she just sounds like she needs a break...or another hobby. Don't get down on yourself for helping her. People always have the decision to change, if they truly want different results. Shame on her for weighing you down with HER baggage.


XOXO
ItalianaPrincess

Obviously she has not been able to shake the social stigma of what she does. She is using "Fucking Whore" to describe her persona linking the negative stigma to her self esteem.

A provider is what she does not who she is, just like being a lawyer doesn't automatically make you a prick. Okay bad example!

Any line of work where you don't FEEL you are meeting your potential can make you feel down if you turn it into a reflection of who you are.

She needs a total shift in her thinking, prozac if the problem is larger which I believe it to be or pursue something she can deal with.

"It hurts when i do this....Well dont do that"

Sorry that you had to witness you friends " meltdown" and I would urge you to read the advice given by all those above, and by no means hold yourself responsible for her current view on herself or the profession.

I've always held that if it feels like work (for any definition of "it"), you're not doing it right, and should find something else to do instead.

I've always held that if it feels like work (for any definition of "it"), you're not doing it right, and should find something else to do instead. Originally Posted by OldTimeBuddie

Any job, regardless of whether you love it or not, will sometimes feel like work. I don't feel that it's because one isn't doing it right!

Hercules,

When I read your post, I gave a little shrug. My first thought is that she felt comfortable enough to speak to you openly and honestly (and by the way, your post and your concern just earned you mega brownie points from me) and well, she was having a moment.

She could have had a glass of wine and thinking too much or was just feeling moody. Women do that a lot and sometimes when emotions get twisted around, a female will even say something that later, she didn't really mean. And she was probably thinking that she needed $300 herself and started to feel a little grumpy about it.

I wouldn't worry about it overly much. There comes a time in an individual's life that you have to accept responsibility for the choices that you've made. If she doesn't like where she is, then it's only up to her to change her current situation.

I don't see it as being an enabler. I see it as you being a decent man who enjoyed her company and during this conversation, the topic got out of hand.

Sounds like a no harm and no foul situation to me.

As for the lady in question, I know several women who feel trapped in this lifestyle. It affords them a decent living without the constraints of a regular full time job. Although I probably work harder then I did when in management, I have the freedom of not being chained to a desk (please feel free to make a joke out of that statement if you wish!).

And with feeling trapped, it's a very sad thing. But it would also be sad if she was trapped in other ways. People just have to deal with it the best that they can.

Have a good weekend!

Sincerely,
Elisabeth

Wow, thats a tuff spot to be in. That sucks. I bet the look on your face (while she was venting) was priceless.

Sounds like"
(a) she may need a hug or some anti-depressants
(b) she is unhappy with herself and her life choices
(c) she may need to reconsider being in the hobby - if you don't truly enjoy it - MOVE ALONG.
(d) she may have wanted you to give HER that $$$ instead of some random civi gal.

I once knew a girl like this. She despised the hobby, yet she was a provider. Instead of it actually making her feel sexy, it made her feel dirty. She would talk so much trash about it, to me, that finally I had to finally just tell her, "If you don't like it, then CHANGE IT". (I think she was waiting on someone to come on rescue her, but that is a Richard Gere/Julia Roberts fantasy.) There ARE always OTHER options...I heard Palm Beach Tan is hiring. LOL, no but honestly...No one FORCES the providers to be providers (well, err, unless they have a pimp or something, LOL). Alot of ladies pull that same line on alot of guys trying to get them to feel sorry for them...(sigh) and apparently it works for alot of the girls. Im just not geared like that. That's not how I roll, and I will never understand it.

You've helped her through all of the times you've seen her, she just sounds like she needs a break...or another hobby. Don't get down on yourself for helping her. People always have the decision to change, if they truly want different results. Shame on her for weighing you down with HER baggage.


XOXO
ItalianaPrincess Originally Posted by ItalianaPrincess

That is so right. This business is a choice, not a requirement. If a girl tries and does not like it, then move on to something else that will be better for you. Staying in the hobby, even if you don't like it, is your choice, no one else's.

I too hope you do not take it too personally. She apparently has more problems than just being a provider. As long as you treated her fair and you were a gentleman at all times, you have no reason to feel responsible for her state of mind. I agree with IP, she probably needs more than any of us hobbyists can offer in the way of help.

"I always did good in school! Had good grades and dreams. Then I started stripping, next thing I know I'm a fuckin whore"!!! Originally Posted by Hercules

well ...except for the part about stripping ... there have been times I've felt like that ... or worse

well ...except for the part about stripping ... there have been times I've felt like that ... or worse Originally Posted by dodger

Yeah. Who hasn't?

That is so right. This business is a choice, not a requirement. If a girl tries and does not like it, then move on to something else that will be better for you. Staying in the hobby, even if you don't like it, is your choice, no one else's. Originally Posted by elgato111

That is not always true. We don't know her situation.

Enabler? No

Trader? Yes

Herc, unless you went one hell of a lot further than what you described in enticing and then entrenching her in the hobby then you're just another one of us who trades some cash for a service we want. Strictly speaking, it could just as easily be a car wash, a straight massage or a tooth filling.

If a lady is young, nicely built, good looking, has some personality, and begins to strip then there is a path into the hobby that is not too hard to discover and follow. It also pays pretty well, too. No news here.

It sounds to me that at the time she set upon this course, though she had done well in school, etc. etc., she didn't have the maturity and focus to pursue a career path other than stripping - and that can initially look like a fun, easy way to party hardy while making some money. She really can't be faulted for that, but she can be faulted for just wandering along in that lifestyle and not taking the care to provide herself a way out should she want one (assuming she hasn't - it sounded so).

If she's really ready to move on then she will if she has the will to do so. Worst case is that she can't muster up the discipline and/or drive to make the change and will begin or continue in a downward spiral of self-loathing and recrimination.

Either way, from what you have said, it's not of your making.