A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession.
"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday". "Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked. "Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission".
"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm. "Yes father".
"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch". "But father he also touched my breasts".
"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts. "Yes father".
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch". "But father, he took off my clothes".
"Like this??" He takes off her clothes. "Yes father".
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch". "But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where".
"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where. "Yes father" she says sometime later.
"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch". "But father, he has AIDS".
"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!"
A wealthy young man's parents told him he must be married by his 25th birthday, in order to fulfil the terms of their joint will and get the money. This was a bit of a dilemma to him because he was dating three lovely young ladies and couldn't decide.
As he had only one month, he came up with a plan. He gave each woman $5,000 and told her she had a month to spend it. And, she could spend it any way she wanted.
After the month he met with each.
The first one said "Well you know I love to shop, so I spent all of it on clothes!" "Fair enough" he replied, and took note of her decision.
The second young woman said "I think it's better to give than receive, so I gave all of my money to charity!" "Okay" said the young squire.
Number three said "You know I have a mind for saving, so I invested it in the stock market!" "Interesting" replied the gentleman, taking note of her keen financial acumen.
So, which did he choose? The one with big tits of course!
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Roy". I call mine "Sex". He's a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.
When I went to the city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said "I'd like one too". Then I said "But this is a dog". He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old". He winked and said "You must have been quite a kid".
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.
He said "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do". I said "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night". The clerk said "Funny - I have the same problem!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand" I said "I had hoped to have Sex on TV". He said "Now that cable is all over the place it's no big deal anymore".
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married". The judge said "The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please". Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said "Me, too".
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex.
My case comes up Friday.