Pms, emails--No way!?

I like to exchange a few emails or PMs with a lady prior to meeting. It makes me feel more comfortable that she understands my desires, which tend to lean toward the non-vanilla, however slightly. Plus it establishes chemistry. I know this isn't a "date" but I like to feel I am with a real person, and not a robot.

What I find, however, is that most ladies won't do this. Or if they respond to a second or third PM it is usually with, "so, when do you wanna meet?" Which indicates to me they aren't reading my messages fully which makes me decide to not see them.

So ladies, do you not like to converse more than once or twice because it is a waste of time? You get tons of emails/PMs and can't possible respond? You just figure I'm all talk and don't really want to meet? Just not interested in seeing me as a human being and the less you know, the better?

Thanks in advance to anyone who responds sincerely.

I would say your method is working. You are effectively weeding out the ones who do not meet your expectations of interest and conversation. I'm much the same way.

I'll take a stab at this and try to say what a lot of ladies might be thinking:

We get a lot of emails. A LOT. Yours is not the only email wanting to converse and get to know each other, not even close. So add that in to the time we spend each day screening, plus working, plus maybe having a life outside of this that includes another job or school... If you still have no idea if I'm your type (or if I will be interested in participating in the BCD activities that tickle your pickle) after reading my reviews and doing your homework, and we have exchanged several emails/pm's, it gets frustrating on our end. Lots of guys waste time with no real intention of ever following through. Sometimes we have to assert ourselves and guide things in some sort of direction in order to keep what's left of our sanity.


Lots of guys don't even get a response to their first email much less the third, so it sounds like you are doing better than a lot of guys

Dannie, as always with great answers.

Barneyrubble, too many gents underestimate the volume of contacts through email, private message, text message, and voice mail messages that active providers have to sort through.

If they are established and have steady customers, the number of dates available for new guys may be very slim. The more popular the lady, the lower the chances that she will have the available time to engage in anything resembling establishing a "relationship", the way you would expect in the dating world.

Don't get frustrated or take it personally, too many of them have way too many things going on, in and out of the business.

Have fun and Happy New Year.

I would say your method is working. You are effectively weeding out the ones who do not meet your expectations of interest and conversation. I'm much the same way. Originally Posted by Iaintliein

+1. At least.

I acknowledge Dannie's remark about volume of email. I'm sure there is a lot and it would indeed be difficult to carry on long, meaningful conversations with all of them. But I suspect also that about 90% of that email is from clients the lady would rather not see anyway. So it would seem like it is incumbent upon us, gentlemen, to keep our communications short and to the point and strive to be in the 10% of clients that the lady really would like to see. If we are, and she still doesn't have time to read, comprehend, and respond properly to emails, then perhaps you've happened upon a lady who is higher volume than you care to see. In that case, you may wish to focus your pursuits on ladies in a different price structure.

I would say your method is working. You are effectively weeding out the ones who do not meet your expectations of interest and conversation. I'm much the same way. Originally Posted by Iaintliein

This is an excellent way of looking at this scenario. I'm very appreciative you opened my eyes to this POV. I hadn't looked at it this way before.

Dannie, thank you for confirming two of my suppositions as stated in my original post.

All comments appreciated.

Barneyrubble, I take it one step further. I will not schedule with a new lady untill after I have met her face to face. I need this level of contact because I want to spend my time and money wisely. The quality of the sessions after I started doing this skyrocketed because we both know we will click and have fun.

As you might expect, I dont get a high level of response. And that is OK. There can be many valid reasons why a provider may not be able to honor my request. Again, thats OK. Bottom line is its my money and time. I have found what is effecive for me to insure I get the best possible value for my money.This does not make the providers who won't meet me first bad, just not what I am looking for.

Stick to your guns. Its frustrating at times but if your method gives you a higher quality experience its worth it. And, it can be worth it for the ladies that can meet your requirments. The last 2 ladies who agreed to meet me have done well by me. 1 I have seen 3 times and will see again I hope, the other I see weekly at a minimun.

Barney, I'm sure Dannie is right, they must get a lot of tire kickers and cannot possibly devote the amount of time needed to satisfy all of them. As such, I try to get the information I need from other sources, reviews, recommendations, etc. so that it does not seem that she has to prove herself to me. Where I differ is after our first meeting. Once we have been together bcd, I feel we have established a relationship. If she has any interest in seeing me again, she should know my name. If she then fails to respond to a text or email, I assume she does not care enough about me to see me again and I move on.

Those of you who mentioned how important it is to do research, read reviews carefully make valid points on the one hand. But reviews are a mine field. One never knows any of the variables that make a session good or bad. One also never knows if the reviewer is embellishing on the meeting to impress either the other members of this board or the lady herself. Let's face it, many reviewers on this board seem to have a high school locker room mentality. I'm beyond that.

I would say reading a lady's own posts carefully if she has posted in areas other than the Provider Ad section provides more insight about a lady than reading a review by an unknown reviewer. I do admit some reviewers have enough historical data so that you can draw some meaningful conclusions.

Anyway, again, I appreciate the responses.

...

I would say reading a lady's own posts carefully if she has posted in areas other than the Provider Ad section provides more insight about a lady than reading a review by an unknown reviewer. ... Originally Posted by barneyrubble

Very wise.

Very wise.

Long ago I learned that for me, even email is not enough to base my decision on. I will not see someone without having a phone call. When it works for us on the phone and I have a good feeling about her, I have never had a bad session. When it just wasn't there on the phone, I have never had a good one.

I understand that it takes a lot of time to PM, etc. This is business and every lady has the right to set her own business rules to protect her time.

It is a business and I am the customer. I have a right to set my customer rules. If the two don't match, we don't meet. I have no hard feelings toward someone for having different rules from mine.

Just as she needs to protect her time, I need to protect my $$. We are not talking about 35 cents here.

I don't see indies a lot, but when someone has caught my attention, the response to my first contact has almost always been favorable with ladies here. There have been a few times that after contact and screening, something has prevented me from being able to carry through. I have felt bad about wasting her time, even though unintentional.

Torito

Even though this is the hobby, I treat this like I would in the real life dating world! I WANT to get to know you before our date! Not only do I want to know your likes and dislikes, but I want to know the person inside! Believe me, it's not easy to date a complete stranger! A connection and chemistry is a must! Everybody knows that I am a talker and I can't think of any better way to get to know you than to email or PM! Yes, I even enjoy talking on the phone after the screening process!

Agree, mostly. I usually PM, but well ahead of time, to start the ball rolling. Dannie is right, obviously, about volume. So I wait a decent amount of time before blowing off the prospect of a visit. It takes providers as long to slog through emails and PMs pertaining to their business as it does us for ours. I'd say PM or email, wait a week or so and then make a decision. If she hasn't answered by then, she either doesn't want to see me (Gawd, I just don't understand that!) or she's way too busy. Either way, I'm better off moving on.

How are the providers supposed to cull through the emails, PMs, and texts asking for sex-ting and determine your requests as legit?

How are the providers supposed to cull through the emails, PMs, and texts asking for sex-ting and determine your requests as legit? Originally Posted by pyramider

If they don't do a search of your posts here they're missing out on a goldmine of insight into a potential client.