Dear Jerry Jones

Take a good hard look at the Mavs and the Rangers. Then take a good hard look at yourself and your operation. Then ask "What are they doing that I'm not doing?

The teams are winning with good ownership, leadership, and teamwork. I'm sure Mark Cuban is as big of an egomaniac as yourself, but he allows professionals to find talented players that mix well and win.

Hold your team and yourself accountable. Support Jason Garrett and let him do his fuckin' job. Look how well things worked out for the Mavs and the Rangers when the owner kept his fuckin' mouth shut.

p.s. If you could find a good GM and put him in charge that would be like Christmas in July. I know...when pigs fly.

Cookie Man,
I'm afraid a hillbilly with money is still a hillbilly. Good observation and food for thought.

Dear Cookie Man,
As the owner of "AMERICA'S TEAM" I appreciate the comments and criticism from......the little people....that used to come to the games before I decided to indulge in an itty-bitty bit of extortion and build the "Jerry Bowl" in Dal....errrr...Arlington. Now it's not that I didn't want to build that boil-shaped behemoth in Big Douche...errrrr...D but you people had Ms. Super Bitch for Mayor and she honestly (I hate that word!) expected me to pay a fair share of the costs! Who did she think she was...an NFL owner!! Thank goodness there were a couple of dumbass motherfuckers running that Dallas wannabe toilet-of-a-city where we eventually built my palace ...but I digress.

I am the greatest football mind that has ever lived! If it wasn't for me the NFL wouldn't be what it is today.....errrrr..lemme re-phrase that...it wouldn't be as deft at bending over hapless fans and screwin' 'em raw for every hard-earned dollar they have! Sure, the Rangers and Mavericks are successful......now! Let's not forget how many Super Bowls I personally brought to Big Douche...errrr...D in the 90's. It took a lotta guts to fire that old fart Landry and bring in Jimmy Johnson but he had such a purdy mouth back then! And how 'bout the way I ran 'em off by getting my expensive silk panties in a wad when he wouldn't let me celebrate with him and the players after I won a Super Bowl!! ...but I digress.

Sure, there's something to "original thought" and being more like Mr. Cuban (you know we boycott Cuba, right?) but asking me to keep my mouth shut is like.......shit there's nothing like that!!! Don't you forget I made my fortune the hard way....no I didn't. Try this: Ahem, (Cue the waving flag and toss an eagle in the air) this country was built on ass-kissing, money comes first and the word TEAM doesn't have "Jerry" in it! The Cowbows had a rough season last year but I still made more money than any of you pimping a team that isn't good enough to carry Michael Vick's dirty jockstrap (did I tell you how nice Mike Vick's dirty jockstrap smells...but I digress) I'm certain that by the time I undergo my 33rd face lift and my nose is tucked so far up my ass that I'll disappear like a planet in a black (OK...brown) hole you'll all appreciate my genuis! You'll miss me and my intellect then and the Cowboys will......OK...get bought by a better owner and proceed to improve this team to mediocre...but I digress. Please get back on the Cowboy train and I promise to deliver a Super Bowl to you before 2013 or my death...whichever comes first...errrr..wait....

Dear Mr. Jones

The sad part about you dying would be that Jerry Jr. would take over the team. It could get worse. You're right about making a fortune off the doting masses/fans. They are such fans that they spend a large part of their salaries to park their cars in front of the "Death Star", buy tickets to watch the game on a giant video screen, pay unbelievable prices for a coke and nachos, and still dole out what money they have left for a t-shirt.

What do the fans get in return? They get a mediocre product consisting of spoiled millionaires with attitudes and no discipline. We deserve better. After all, this is the home of the Dallas/Irving/Arlington Cowboys.

p.s funny tx

If someone gave me Cowboy tickets I wouldn't go.

If someone gave me Cowboy tickets I wouldn't go. Originally Posted by angusranch

It would have to include a parking pass, then I might think about so I could see the death star up close. (Always been a star trek fan, but no so much for star wars.)

When I first came to GP the first season the "pimple" was open, I decided I would spend my hard earned money(hobby money) to buy 2 tickets. Washington Redskins game. I had great seats, I hated it, the place sucked and I watched the game on the big TV all day. Funny part was, I couldn't beg or fool anyone to go with me. Lesson learned.

I wouldn't go back for free sideline passes and parking inside the "pimple".

If someone gave me Cowboy tickets I wouldn't go. Originally Posted by angusranch

Depends on who they are playing! I could be persuaded.

Dear Mr. Jones

The sad part about you dying would be that Jerry Jr. would take over the team. It could get worse. You're right about making a fortune off the doting masses/fans. They are such fans that they spend a large part of their salaries to park their cars in front of the "Death Star", buy tickets to watch the game on a giant video screen, pay unbelievable prices for a coke and nachos, and still dole out what money they have left for a t-shirt.

What do the fans get in return? They get a mediocre product consisting of spoiled millionaires with attitudes and no discipline. We deserve better. After all, this is the home of the Dallas/Irving/Arlington Cowboys.

p.s funny tx Originally Posted by cookie man

Awwwwww!!! You don't hafta worry about Jerry Jr. He takes after his Momma and she's my prettiest cousin! You see our family tree is simply a trunk. Keeps things simple! You must know that everything I do is for the Cowboys. I built the Dal...errrrrr..Arlington stadium-boil as big as I could to draw attention away from my.....wellll..let's just say the Mrs. says 'that's a boil too. You should know I put a lot of effort into the draft picks every year. I comb over every arrest report and parole record as soon as they're available before picking THE very best felon for the team and provide them with soap-on-a-rope to ensure those silly shower-initiation rituals I taught the vets don't sting too much. Hell...I bet you didn't know that the Texas prison system has some of THE best professional talent (what? then what type of talent do they have? really? what's the difference?)...errrrr..never mind.

If my plan is correct (and it always is!) we will defeat every team on the upcoming schedule by at least 50 points a game. I hear those female volleyball players are tough but I am confident in my team! I need all of you morons...errr...fans to support (cue the patriotic musci...can somebody toss that fuckin' eagle into the air!!!) support.....AMERICAS TEAM!!! That'll allow me to reduce the cost of a beer from $22.50 to 22.10 by mid-season (you're welcome!) and perhaps put up some cheaper, temporary bleachers.....(what? we tried that? when? did i make any money? and what happened? really!)...errrr...never mind. I've also been assured by the Super Bowl selection committee that as soon as the temperature in Hell drops below 32 degrees we're gonna get ANOTHER SUPER BOWLLLLL!!! (You're welcome!). Now...you'll have to excuse me....my mad-waddle needs massaged and waxed.

You would thinck that someone that claims to want to win would not refuse to bring in knowledgeable people. But why would good football people want to work for a meddling snake oil salesman?