Whut tha fukk is up wif thet ol' Ebolarooskie eppy-demic? Seems laik jus' tha uther day thar wuz cases all ova tha US uv A, thousandts an' thousandts uv folks all ovah 'Murrica a-droppin' daid, all on 'ccount ov thet sum'bitch Obama not sealin' tha border an' kwahr-en-teenin' e'erybuddy a-cummin' back frum o'er seas.
Nowadys, ya don't hears nuthin' 'bout it. Ah thincks it's a guv'mint cornspiracy ta hush up tha devamahmistayshun 'til they kin git them millyuns o' coffins thet FEMA ordered all dee-livered so's they kin haul off all tha carcasses unner cuvver o' nite an' set up Obama's soshulist New Werld Order wif tha help o' UN stormtroopers, so they kin throw tha borders wide open an' lett all the Mexy-kins an' Can-adey-yins gallop 'cross an' take ovah so's they's kin legamalize marry-juana an' gay marriage.
An' the 'stablishment Republikins an' tha lamestream media is in cahoots 'cos they wants ta make shore they's got n' endless supply o' cheap an' happy an' grateful landscapers, maids, dishwarshers, nannys, hair dressers an' interrier deckerators.
An' tha Tea Party is in cahoots, too! 'Cos now, thet Cuban commie sleepah agent, Ted "Ah luvs ta suk chorizo" muthafukkin' Cruz, is all set ta be tha furst prezzydent to rule o'er tha US uv A in full-on Spanish! Not a lick o' Anglish ta be spoke, cuz thet muthafukkin' sum'bitch is a gonna make bein' Anglo illegal!
Thet's whut all y'all git fer 'lectin' 'im ta tha US Senate instaid a-votin' fer meh! Yew axksed fer it, now yew got it. Ah hope e'erybuddy's happy.
Now, if'n yew'll 'xcuse meh, Ah gots ta go put 'nuther bag o' flamin' dog poop on Dan "Goeb" Patrick's porch a'gin. Thet stoopid sum'bitch nevah lairns!