First Timers and Real Life Informaton

So I've read some posts where a guy states that he will never give his real life info out, ever. I'm a little torn by this mentality, but not entirely against it either. Think about it. If a first timer contacts me, he has no references, and is not a member of P411/Datecheck. What am I supposed to do? Jump in with eyes wide shut? I do tell first timers that if they don't want me to screen them then they can pay the $87 yearly fee and have P411 do it. Again, some guys still do not want ANYONE to screen them, not even P411.

Now, In a way I can totally understand you not wanting anyone to have your real life info. On a personal note, I was once seeing a regular for about a year. Unfortunately, he was starting to become problematic so I told him I could no longer see him anymore. His response was scary. He was enraged and threatened to "out" me to my family and neighbors!! I must admit, his threats scared me. However, thinking back over the past year, he DID NOT have my real life information, and therefore, did not have access to my address or family. Thank goodness! But what if he DID have my real life information? He could have ( and would have) created problems for me.

So when a gent says he never gives out real life info, in a way I can understand his concerns. As hypocritical as that sounds, I do get it. I've been there before, I've been threatened. There are scammers on both ends of the spectrum. But as a provider, and first timer friendly, I can't just meet a guy without knowing something about him. The risks are just too great. So, what do you do? Is it wrong or right for a provider to ask for real life info?

What steps can I suggest to a First Timer who does not want ANYONE to have his real life information? As a side note, I do not ever ask an established gentleman for his real life information. There is no need for it. If you have references, and an online presence on P411/Eccie/Etc. then asking for real life info for screening is overkill, in my opinion. So this is primarily a thread about what is acceptable when dealing with a First Timer. Everybody chime in, lets keep the juicy conversations flowing :-) Thanks for your time!

i don't think it's wrong at all for a provider to ask for real life info especially from a first timer. safety first right?

i would say when a first timer requests for a date/meeting with you that doesn't want to be screened, explain to him that your safety comes first.

Tat,

This is a real balancing act sometimes. I 100% agree from a provider's point of view where screening is necessary for your own protection. From a guy's point of view we have to worry about protecting our identity especially if the guy is married and has employment that can be impacted if he were to be "outed".

When you think about it the first time meeting is between two strangers and a lot can go wrong on both sides of the of the equation. P411 does sound like a good possible solution if a guy is not comfortable sharing personal real life info with a provider he hasn't met before.

For me personally I hobby'd a few years ago but then I took a break from hobbying until last summer. So essentially I was starting out as a newbie again and I was also reluctant to share this type of info. Luckily for me I was able to see a well known provider on eccie who was also willing to verify me on both P411 and Date Check which made it easier to then see other providers.

In the email exchanges I provided a lot of general information about myself without actual specifics plus the names of providers I had seen a few years ago. I guess she felt comfortable enough to take a chance on me.

Sorry to hear about the issue with a former regular as that is another tricky situation. I think it is a natural thing to be more open about our private lives when you become a regular and if a friendship develops. I think a word of advice there is if a friendship develops then that sharing of information should be open on both sides and not just from one side. There has to be a level of trust.

I've been cautious about giving information out, though when I was a newbie I had to give some. Luckily, my first provider was Lee, and she is as professional as they come.

Since then, I've discovered and been comfortable with the concept of date-check (which I belong to and it has worked wonderfully) and P411 (which I do not belong to).

The one thing that does bother me are the girls who accept date-check and then on top of that demand more information. That's what date-check is all about. You should not have to provide anymore information beyond that. Otherwise, you are defeating the whole purpose (and I start getting suspicious).

I understand there are different levels of date-check, and if I'm below that, I usually don't make contact or am willing to provide more information. But, if I am at the level they request, then that's all that should be needed.

Having said all that, I think Lee is the only one who knows my last name. I don't think any other provider does.

I'm strugging with this right now. I'm not sure how much info to give out, but as a newbie, I understand I'll have to give out some.

Re Lee, isn't she a perfect example of what can happen when screening is inadequate?

Hope we haven't forgotten already.

Re Lee, isn't she a perfect example of what can happen when screening is inadequate?

Hope we haven't forgotten already. Originally Posted by jokacz

????

Fill me in, because I don't think I knew originally what you are talking about.

She was caught in a sting in E. Aurora a few years back.
Don't think she screened in those days.

I am not sure if you are speaking about me when it comes to being outspoken about giving too much info. I know I have said my share on the subject. I will say this; I have NEVER said do not screen or give out ANY info. There is always a balance and BOTH parties have to be comfortable. I am a strong supporter of first timers using p411. I just do not like seeing when a supposedly reliable provider goes off the deep end and the next thing you know clients are being outed.

For the most, I had to work my into by starting with less stringent providers. That was a bit of a slow process, and even though I had a few reviews, it was not enough for some providers.
I also shared my ID with two reputable providers after a but, and that helped my to get established faster, and then many doors were opened. In hindsight, I would have done P411 a lot sooner.

I am not sure if you are speaking about me when it comes to being outspoken about giving too much info. I know I have said my share on the subject. I will say this; I have NEVER said do not screen or give out ANY info. There is always a balance and BOTH parties have to be comfortable. I am a strong supporter of first timers using p411. I just do not like seeing when a supposedly reliable provider goes off the deep end and the next thing you know clients are being outed. Originally Posted by GP

Actually, I was referring to some comments I read over on the Main Discussion section, not you in particular. But thanks for expressing your views on this subject. In any case, after seeing several comments stating "never give your real life info away to anyone, not even P411" etc, it made me think. Because I've been contacted by many first timers who refuse to be screened be me, or P411. It's true. There are guys out there even nervous about joining P411. Yet, at the same time, I understand where their coming from, because I had that problem client who I had to stop seeing. He got so mad he threatened to out me and start problems for me. My saving grace was the fact that I kept mum about my real life info to this guy thru out the year when we were meeting. I guess the point is to find a happy medium. I'm just trying to find out what that happy medium is. One thing I always do, while communicating with a first timer, is I ask them what THEY feel comfortable telling me. If it is adequate, then great. We can meet. If not, then I suggest P411. And if they refuse P411, then we don't meet because options are exhausted at that point. I guess this is a case of one bad apple spoiling the tree. If one scammer is in the mix, then everyone is cautious about their real life information. But the truth is, not everyone is a scammer. I just want to know the gent isn't LE, not out him to his family! But unfortunitely, there are people out there who will out you, especially if you tick 'em off (almost happened to me) so thats why I understand people being overly cautious sometimes. But as I said earlier, I guess you gotta find that happy medium.

Here's my thing. Providers I trust shouldn't even be trusted.

By that I mean, there are numerous scenarios where a provider has the best intentions to safeguard your info but things happen and it gets out. Emails, handles get hacked. Phones get lost. Jealous, snooping SO. Providers mistakenly CC instead of BCC. LE investigations such as what happened in Maine.

Always better safe than sorry. With that said, 2 maybe 3 providers know my info. A couple more may have figured it out.

I'm pretty sure, no one knows my actual RL info. but....

I only know two providers real info because the first one never made any attempts to not give it out.

...and Last year, I saw another provider at a large wedding/gathering where she was easily identifiable because she was a relative of the groom. Her secret is safe with me. I only saw her once. So sometimes, even if you don't want to give out your RL info, it's out there.

Long ago, I also saw a provider once who said she knew me from a business my workplace associated with. I asked her if she "knew" my name and she said NO, so I told her it was John as there are many Johns at my workplace. I imagine if she was creative, she could get my personal information. I have not seen her again.

Even when you're completely careful, who you are can get out there.

On a side note, everytime I enter a hotel for an incall, I am always wearing something that disguises my looks.

I'm pretty sure, no one knows my actual RL info. but....

I only know two providers real info because the first one never made any attempts to not give it out.

...and Last year, I saw another provider at a large wedding/gathering where she was easily identifiable because she was a relative of the groom. Her secret is safe with me. I only saw her once. So sometimes, even if you don't want to give out your RL info, it's out there.

Long ago, I also saw a provider once who said she knew me from a business my workplace associated with. I asked her if she "knew" my name and she said NO, so I told her it was John as there are many Johns at my workplace. I imagine if she was creative, she could get my personal information. I have not seen her again.

Even when you're completely careful, who you are can get out there.

On a side note, everytime I enter a hotel for an incall, I am always wearing something that disguises my looks. Originally Posted by Maximum4

Very interesting point. I agree sometimes your true identity comes out unexpectedly. One time I sprained my neck/back lifting weights (back when I was into lifting weights) and I was in so much pain, I went to the ER. Low and behold, a hobbyist was there. He's a doctor, but I just passed him in the hallway. Can you imagine if he was my doctor? So sometimes you happen to bump into someone unexpectedly. Hobbyists have real jobs in the real world, thats how they can afford to hobby in the first place. And sometimes we need YOUR services, LOL.

Interesting I stumble upon this appointment page for a provider soon after this thread had started:

http://mymiamaxwell.bizodo.com/f/FbFm2H

I think she is asking for way too much mandatory information, especially since she provides the option for date-check and P411.

There's no way I would give out that sort of information. Some, perhaps, but not all that. And she will receive it in a nice and handy format that can easily be placed into a database...