Why cant i have feelings toward a provider?

I don't want to change her, control her, or expect she feels anything for me. I'm not expecting she'd be wife material. I'm ok with her getting railed on by other dudes, in the same way I'm cool with driving a used Ferrari. I don't drive a used Ferrari BTW just saying I wouldn't care if it was driven by others when I wasn't driving it.

But I still want her to be happy healthy and fulfilled. I still want her to know there's someone out there who cares about her even if she quit the biz. But then comes the freak-out. Im afraid it will make me look like a stalky creeper sad sap if I ever said anything. I'm am not a stalker obsessing over her. I'm not sad when she inevitably doesn't reciprocate.

I ultimately want the sugar to keep flowing so I never want to offend her or freak her out. Too risky to say anything?

Kinda depends on what you want. If the prize is her having feeling about you, then no risk, no reward. Yes, you may lose her as a provider.

If the prize is to keep her as a provider, let her make the first non-provider move. If she maintains a professional relationship with you, just professional, that's your answer. Keep in mind she may already have, "someone out there who cares about her even if she quit the biz."

If you do tell her, the not-trying-to-control, not-trying-to-be-creepy messages might help.

If I had a regular who began to develop feelings for me and our relationship wasn't strictly professional (e.g. we talk about our lives, whatever), I wouldn't mind hearing that he has feelings for me. I would just hope that he would be ok if I told him I didn't feel the same way, but I was happy to continue our working relationship.

Nice response, Jennamc.
OP - Two things: How will it benefit by telling her (other than you feeling warm inside having said it). And...
You might try some dinner dates or overnights to get to know her well enough to judge whether she's the type you could say those things to.

Great points hump. I was projecting the notion that if I was in the business as a provider I'd think it would make me feel good to know I wasn't just flesh to my clients. Again, just want her to feel happiness. She makes me happy, seems fair to see do something that would make her feel good. I just didn't want to go all Casanova on her and scare her.

But even better idea to schedule non sex time to let her know I'm interested in her as a person where the context would let her know I'm not full of shot.

Wanting her to be "healthy, happy and fulfilled" is one thing. I have several favorites I feel that way about. But that slope can be slippery and the last thing either of you want is to allow the separation between this world and the real world to be violated. She is not looking for a BF in the hobby and if you are looking for a GF (other than for an hour or two at a time), you are in the wrong place. And if you are willing to pay for non-sex time, have at it. But you are fooling yourself if you think non-sex time is going to be free. She sells her time and it's valuable to her.

If I had a regular who began to develop feelings for me and our relationship wasn't strictly professional (e.g. we talk about our lives, whatever), I wouldn't mind hearing that he has feelings for me. I would just hope that he would be ok if I told him I didn't feel the same way, but I was happy to continue our working relationship. Originally Posted by jennamc

I was hoping to hear that. There's definitely no strings that require her to feel the same way. I get that it's like a therapist relationship to a certain degree. So it has pitfalls. But I'm just wanting her to feel loved in a world that I'd imagine would be hard to know if anyone cared if you lived or died.

Wanting her to be "healthy, happy and fulfilled" is one thing. I have several favorites I feel that way about. But that slope can be slippery and the last thing either of you want is to allow the separation between this world and the real world to be violated. She is not looking for a BF in the hobby and if you are looking for a GF (other than for an hour or two at a time), you are in the wrong place. And if you are willing to pay for non-sex time, have at it. But you are fooling yourself if you think non-sex time is going to be free. She sells her time and it's valuable to her. Originally Posted by watchoutthegameisrigged

+1

It's good that you care for her, but try not to become too attached to the provider...as we're only human.

Always an area to pursue very slowly. I definitely agree with the dinner date and overnight suggestions. I assume at this point you know enough about her that you know what she might enjoy for an evening. Plan an overnight to include that. Dinner, a show, a movie, a rowboat on the lake--the particulars are not important. And end with breakfast--breakfast is a much easier time for conversation without the masks. After an evening and sleep, a breakfast conversation will likely tell you a lot about where you stand in her eyes.

Also, as others have said, know what you expect. Be honest with yourself! I have become friends with a number of ladies, but for various reasons that is all I was looking for and all I was willing to offer. For some ladies it was too much. For some it was not enough. But if you lie to yourself it will almost always end very badly for one or both of you. A lot of guys truly do have problems being just real friends with a lady--in this business or in any other. But neither should you believe the people (mostly guys) who tell you it is impossible.

I wish you well, but in the end only the two of you can decide what is possible.

As usual old-t to come in with a can of sound reasonable advice. You sir are a nobleman. Thanks sir.

Go for it bizzy ... what could possibly go wrong?

Many sesoned providers have clients that feel strongly for them, they know this and they want this type of clientele as it makes there job so much easyer and enjoyable. But again this is a working relationship that has an end to it somewhere. Letting her know you have feelings for her can be done in many ways, as for trew romance I don't think that is wise or even desired by most providers. I would recommend to just be in the moment and not look to far ahead. This always takes experience and time to know how to cultivate this type of situation, sometimes it's not all that you thought it would be. The best advice is keep it a hobby with feelings that work for you and the provider.

IB

No bueno. If she wanted a boyfriend, or someone to snuggle up to, or someone to share really close, intimate feelings, she'd go to Match.com. She's here to provide a service and make great money doing it. It is as inappropriate as telling your dentist or your housekeeper that you have serious feelings for them if they haven't given you reason to think they'd be receptive. And before you go and say that she's really nice and attentive to you... you pay her to be. If she's not offering to hang out off the clock or asking you to stay much longer than the time you paid for or texting/emailing/calling you randomly just to chat, she's probably not interested.

This industry makes it hard not to blur lines if you don't go into it fully aware and expecting it, and determined not to get caught up. You're probably not used to women being so accommodating and nice and available to you. But remember, THAT'S WHAT YOU PAY HER FOR. That's all she wants. The nice, convenient, mutually beneficial business transaction to which you both agreed. Go blurring the lines, and even if she DOES try having something more with you, which is a big "if," it probably isn't going to work out. Few relationships do even without the particular trials this lifestyle brings.

Hearing all that, if you're still determined, then do what you will. It's your life, and no one gets to live it for you. Just go in with your eyes open, and know the chances of you ending up with the happy ending you're daydreaming about are very, very slim. Much more likely, she's going to get freaked out and stop seeing you.

This is such a personal business, and if you didn't "feel" something other than aesthetic sensations when you see someone on a regular basis, then what's the point of continuing to see them. Anyone can be a warm body to sidle up to.

I'm sure if you have been seeing her for a bit she can see or even feel that you have genuine feelings, whatever they are, and why not tell her. We are all trying to connect in some form or fashion, whether some wish to admit that's what the drive to get naked with another is all about or not.

I have no qualms with gentlemen who are "one hitters", however a friendly playful attraction feels much better than just being a warm body for a moment in time, or a means to an end. Connecting makes "the act" that much better. I'm sure that many of the "one hitters" understand this, and while there may be that hot connection, it's not worth the risk to continue to see someone where these often viewed as "terrifying" feelings might kick in and then cause problems.

If you can keep things in perspective, then it's a win win. If you are incapable of such, then maybe not so much, but don't keep it to yourself. We should never be afraid to express how we "feel", no matter what those feelings are. Be genuine and honest, then take it slow and easy, and don't behave in a manner other than what you have indicated you feel about the situation. Best of luck, hon.

And once again, maxi speaks truth. Hun, if I ever get to Dallas (at some place other than the airport for an hour layover) ....... I enjoy ladies that have some true perspective on this hobby of ours.