1.
Teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be
when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna be a billionaire, go to the most expensive
clubs, Find me the finest bitch, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an
apartment in Monte Carlo , a mansion on the beach , a jet to travel
throughout Europe , and an Infinite Visa Card, while banging her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible
response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply
tries to continue with the lesson, and asks: "And how about you, Sarah?"
"I thought I wanted to be a nurse. But, fuck that -- I want to be Johnny's bitch."
2.
ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a
romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTRE
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds
Her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in
My hand can have sex with me tonight!"
My hand can have sex with me tonight!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering,
he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Vernon, I just heard on the news that
there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
SUPERSEX
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
Bonus:
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.
now if you can bitch and moan about this thread........................ ...go fuck yourself
