Biggest DON'tS During a Session

I recently had an eye opening experience, that made me think it would be appropriate to list (in jest) things a provider shouldn't do during a session....and of course I'm sure the providers will have a few for us hobbiests. Here's a few of mine:

1. Don't leave several condoms floating in the toilet
2. Don't leave bloody towels in the bathroom
3. Don't pick crust out of your mommy parts and stick it in your mouth
4. Don't leave dozens of condom wrappers in the trash
5. Don't lose the donation, go ape-shit, and try to call LE
6. Don't bring a non-provider girlfriend to 'observe'
7. Don't walk me through a living room full of other people, to include screaming babies, to your room
8. Don't get me hard with bbbj and try to mount me bareback
9. Don't spit baby gravy in the trash can
10. Don't show up at the door with a russian body guard

All have happened to me...and made me think 'wtf am I doing?!?!'.

1) Don't arrive still wearing your Bluetooth and try to haggle over the fee, in an aggressive manner like that annoying SHAM-WOW guy.




2) Don't try present her with an old ad you printed off from ten months ago, or even worse keep asking for Bare Back Greek and asking if she takes competitor coupons:



3) Don't assume that the white envelope is your carte blanche to skip basic personal hygiene.

#7 happened to me. Veerrryyy uncomfortable.

For the providers. . .

Along with the condoms still floating in the toilet or even worse left on the carpet of the hotel room. . .



. . .under a fold of the bed spread where a poor unsuspecting gent can step on it in bare feet (yeah it happened to me once) or condom wrappers it the trash can, please do not have a canister of Fresh Wipes sitting out on the nightstand. Leading us to believe we are lucky if you gave yourself a quick wipe rather than a shower in between dates.

DON'T SAY WANT I DON'T DO THAT. DON'T SAY WHOOOO ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME. dON'T SAY WELL JUST DON'T TALK YOUR MOUTH SHOULD BE BUSY LOL

For a little while I was starting to be able to understand Cheaper. Now things are back to normal, and all is right with the world.

I recently had an eye opening experience, that made me think it would be appropriate to list (in jest) things a provider shouldn't do during a session....and of course I'm sure the providers will have a few for us hobbiests. Here's a few of mine:

1. Don't leave several condoms floating in the toilet
2. Don't leave bloody towels in the bathroom
3. Don't pick crust out of your mommy parts and stick it in your mouth
4. Don't leave dozens of condom wrappers in the trash
5. Don't lose the donation, go ape-shit, and try to call LE
6. Don't bring a non-provider girlfriend to 'observe'
7. Don't walk me through a living room full of other people, to include screaming babies, to your room
8. Don't get me hard with bbbj and try to mount me bareback
9. Don't spit baby gravy in the trash can
10. Don't show up at the door with a russian body guard

All have happened to me...and made me think 'wtf am I doing?!?!'. Originally Posted by lacrew_2000

ALL this stuff really happened to you? If I kept having experiences like these it would be time to sit back and re-evaluate.
Jeez. I'm sorry you had some bad luck.

As for the guys, don't pull the condom off and nut on the bed! Or the floor! Ugh. Oh, or don't hand me an empty envelope and think I won't notice there isn't anything in it. LOL.
Don't flush condoms because it can back the toilet up. And if you smell like a ham beast take a shower before the session. Bleh.

DON'T SAY WANT I DON'T DO THAT. DON'T SAY WHOOOO ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME. dON'T SAY WELL JUST DON'T TALK YOUR MOUTH SHOULD BE BUSY LOL Originally Posted by Cheaper2buyit

That translation was fairly easy (since it was 10:30pm on a Monday):

Don't say "What? I don't do that!"
Don't say "Whooo! Me love you long time!"
Don't say anything. Your mouth should be busy! LOL

And if you smell like a ham beast take a shower before the session. Originally Posted by Allie_Kat

"Ham beast" - that's now the name of my new superhero...

Crew.....You forgot a few.

Don't answer your phone during our time together.
Don't have another client waiting for you as I walk out the door.
Don't show up late.
Don't call back the numbers on your phone if a message isn't left to do so.

Now, here's a few for the guys.

Hobbyists, please don't do the following:

Don't make me ask where my fee is. (it happens more than one thinks)
Don't pad the envelope with a few 20's and the rest in 1's. I do count beforehand.
Don't treat my bathroom like its a gas station and you can do as you wish
Don't leave my bathroom a mess. You weren't born in a barn. (happened once too many)
Don't show up at my incall unannounced. (its happened to me)
Don't call my number 10 times if I didn't answer the first time. There's a reason why I didn't answer in the first place.
Don't ask for a discount if you promise to give me a great review (its happened to me & others)
Don't show up 20/30 minutes late expecting me to still see you. I do have a life to lead.
Don't talk about another provider during our time together. Its tacky and I honestly don't care what other providers are doing.
Don't compare me to another provider, we're all different. Just like you guys.
Don't ask for BBFS. I don't care if your wife is the only one you're bangin and you see no other providers.

The phone, the phone! Its the worst.

And don't schedule an appointment when your parents are coming into town later. They might show up early!

please don't fart while receiving oral.

I'll add a couple of more I have experienced:

Put the bong away before I arrive.

Turn on enough lights so I can see you from five feet away.

please don't fart while receiving oral. Originally Posted by dirty dog

OMG...this goes both ways!!!! It's happened to me a couple of times...once when the gent (in this case I use that term loosely) got up there was a six inch long skidmark! Needless to say, I burned that bedspread. Ick! And he wonders why I don't take his phone calls anymore. The guy even saw it and just acted like it wasn't there.

Oh, and let's not forget the infamous "I forgot my wallet in the car" or "Are you still running that special you had four months ago?"

oh its my time of the month but we still can just be easy WTF