Pessimist's guide to decoding escort ads

Pessimist's guide to decoding escort ads


Frequently, an escort uses codewords to mask their perceived inadequacies by transforming them into an asset. Often
we are asked, what does this mean or is there a glossary or
dictionary, in reference to these terms, abbreviations, and acronyms.

BBW = fat
Voluptuous = fat
Curvy = fat
Curvaceous = fat
Thick = fat
Rubenesque = fat
Womanly = fat
Hourglass = fat
Supersized = fat
Pic of face only? = fat
Pic of body under bedsheet? = fat
Gives bra size only? = fat
Busty = either saggy or fat
Naturally busty = saggy and fat
Real woman = saggy, fat and ugly

Slim = no boobs
Svelte = no boobs
Slender = no boobs
Dancer's body = no boobs
Runner = no boobs
Spinner = no boobs
Yoga = no boobs

Bombshell = fake boobs
Baywatch = fake boobs
Playboy = fake boobs
Model = fake boobs

Brazilian = black
Butterscotch = black
Caramel = black
Chocolate = black
Creole = black
Cuban = black
Dominican = black
Ebony = black
Egyptian = black
Eritrean = black
Ethiopian = black
Exotic = black
Hawaiian = black
Mocha = black
Mulatto = black
Nubian = black
Mixed = black

Mature = old
Courtesan = old
Gracious = old
Refined = old
Elegant = old
Classic = old
Conservative = old
Original = old


Age = generally add a few years, here are some frequent exceptions:

College Student = late 20's
Just turned 18 = mid 20's
19 = possible jailbait
21 = late 20's
28 = late 30's


Intelligent = brunette
Sorority Girl = blonde
Selective = overpriced
Exclusive = very overpriced
Classy = can't afford lingerie
Freaky = doesn't shower between clients
Nasty = doesn't shower at all
Upscale = snooty personality
All American = all trailer trash
Princess = I have an attitude problem
Energetic = methamphetamine addict
Down to earth = boring
College graduate = sleeps with professors
open minded = openly accepts tips
two girl show = one girl shows, one girl steals your stuff


New to business = changed name
New to area = changed name and moved across bay
Only here for a few days = staying until bad reviews run me out of town


Up to an hour = 1 shot and she's gone.
Discreet = I check your ID
Discrete = I can't spell
Advance notice required = you'll never get a hold of me
Seeks generous gentleman = ROB for the elderly
Seeks generous businessmen = ROB for out-of-towners
Once in a lifetime experience = you won't repeat
I love what I do = I'm desperate for clients.
Satisfaction guaranteed = I guarantee I'm getting your money

snowbunny = white girl with a black pimp
Available 24/7 = my pimp doesn't let me sleep
AD WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS = my pimp can't type
aD wRiTTeN iN mIxED cAsE = my pimp is learning how to type

You won't be sorry = You'll be disappointed
You won't be disappointed = You'll be sorry


CMT = good massage, bad sex
FBSM = bad massage, good sex

What an ad DOESN'T say, is also a source of information: Unless specified, you can assume:

hair color = brown hair
length = to shoulder
eye color = brown
age = mature
height = short
weight = heavy
cup size = small
measurements = large

Party girl = I'll be high on drugs
On fire = active herpes outbreak
Las Vegas = Bellagio prices,Motel 6 service
coed = plain looking with acne problem
girl next door = looks like the boy next door
Goddess = If you believe this is me in the pictures...
Real Doll = Bubba brings you an inflatable doll, no refunds
Energetic = methamphetamine addict
Down to earth = boring
College graduate = sleeps with professors
open minded = openly accepts tips
two girl show = one girl shows, one girl steals your stuff

Ps iii didn't author this but I found it hhilarious

Bullseye! Pessimistic or Realistic? I'm leaning toward the latter.

I thought it was strange that we have so many Cuban women here...........