So you've booked your ATF, and you want to try something new?

#8. The Bridge

This is utterly preposterous. That anyone even thought of this position just shows the lengths some people will go to to ruin sex for others. This position is to sex what breaking your spine is to sex.

The basic technique of The Bridge is for the man to support himself on his hands and feet, creating an arch with his body. But not the easy way -- the hard way, the way your back wasn't designed to bend. So you're going to want to be naked and mimicking that terrifying spider-walk from The Exorcist. Your lady friend takes advantage at this point by hopping on your flagpole.

I want you to consider this now. You're bent over literally backwards. Do you know why that exists as a saying? Why saying that you bent over backwards to do something implies you really put a lot of effort in? Because it's fucking hard to bend over backwards if you're not made of rubber. And that saying in no way implies that, once you bent over backwards, you let another human climb on and ride you, because clearly that would be insane. The only thing missing to turn this from a sex position into a medieval torture is a bed of hot coals under you.

In practical terms, they could simply call this position "Collapsed Heap Of Shrieking, Broken Dong" and it would be just as accurate a description of what's happening. I have no doubt some yoga masters, gymnasts, and Avengers can do this. I can't.