To lie … or not to lie … that is the question …

　
Okay .. So I’m thinking about starting to date again. Not just for the fun of dating but to hopefully meet some one I can be serious with. I have not dated in 3 years (the time I’ve been providing) so I am unsure as how to approach the whole “I’m a hooker” subject.

- Do you think I should just tell the truth right away?

- Lie and get him to like me, then drop the bomb on him?

- Or should I just lie to him till I retire?
　
If you met a lady you liked and she was a provider … could you accept that?

Also what if you were dating a woman for a year or so, loved her, and she then told you she has been lying and is a provider. Could you ever forgive her?

That is a tough situation. If I met someone and dated for quite some time and she dropped that kind of bomb on me, then I could forgive her for lyeing. However not all but some ladies that provide along with men that hobby have some serious issues that they do not deal with so o would be wondering of there is anything else she is not telling me or something in her past that she shut out to a point that she doesn't even akknowledge it. If that is the case them whose to say that something I do will set that blocked memory off. Same thing goes for hobbiest in the situation.

I believe all relationships depend on honesty and communication. I would day be honest and if he can't accept it then move on. You will find someone who does. Also I would be wondering if you plan to stop providing if you were dating me.

That's my thoughts on the topic. Wish you luck Brooke.

This is a great question and I'm in the same situation. I'll be very interested in hearing what others suggest and state.

Elisabeth

A relationship built on lies is doomed to failure.

I have always taken the approach that I do not volunteer information. When asked a direct question, I will give an honest answer!

If you lie and then drop the bomb on him, you have destroyed whatever trust he had in you. That may be nearly impossible to regain. It would be the same if one of the guys' S.O.'s were to find out he hobbied.

It may also cause him to wonder about your intimacy together and how real it was or whether he was just like another client to you.

However you DO have to make a living and unless he's willing to take care of you financially, he either has to accept your job or move on.

I can see how this would be very difficult for a lady. You want more than a client relationship but how do you find a man who accepts what you do who isn't in the hobby. (I am assuming that you don't want someone in the hobby for an S.O. You want him to be faithful to you, correct?)

Someone in the swinger world might work, unless you ultimately want a monogamous relationship. Then that's not a good route to take.

No easy answers Ms. Brooke, I do wish you the best. You will have to find someone very special for this to work out. Do not despair though. I do have a friend who was a provider and is now retired and happily married. Her hubby knew that she provided and is OK now that she is all his.

I could accept knowing the truth that a girl is or was a provider but I'm sure most couldn't. That's going to be a tough one young lady.

Better to retire, then date. I would think most guys would be highly turned off knowing you were a provider.

I reccomend plentyoffish.com! There are at least 2 other women from this board there and they have told me that they have had reasonable success. One even sent me a message last night telling me that I was cute. Telling her that i knew what she did for a living made it so much easier for us to open up because we had already gotten that pesky little secret out of the way.

I reccomend just telling anyone whom you meet that you are a message therapy specalist. Expecally if you are going to retire in the next year or so.

No single approach meets every situation. First you must decide the kind of relationship you want and then proceed along those lines. As someone who has never married, but participated in serial monogamy with hobbying, swinging, and BDSM in the interludes between partners, my mantra is past is past and does not predict the future. Adopt the military way: Don't ask, don't tell.

Keep all present and future.

It depends on what you want.

If you want someone to hang out with, go to movies, ect...........it is none of his fucking business.........you are a HR person for a small private firm.

If you are looking for a relationship...........you need to be honest with him about what you do..........this will require homework on your part...........you will need to look for traites in a man that are condusive to your situation.

Educated, world traveler, humorous, sure of himself, non-jealous type...........and never bring your work home, no matter how much he says he wants to know about it.

You are going to need someone who is into you for reasons other than sex. If my SO were into me because of my job, that would suck.

Some valuble words to live by. It is allway's eaiser to remember the truth than it is to remember the lie's.

Its best NOT to lie; just avoid the question for a while.
I ABSOLUTELY Agree with Carkido, starting any relationship on a lie dooms it from the start.

And the guys on this board or guys who use provider services are going to be a LOT more tolerant than civilians.

It is not unlike the question some girls ask: How many women have you been with?

....pause....pause.....pretend to count....pause....

Her: like 20? Me (thinking) you mean this month or like for the whole year so far.

Her: MORE THAN 20?

me: is it really that important?

So just avoid the question for a while and at some point you can talk about it in a round-a-bout way.

Good Luck.

My opinion...it would take a very open minded man to date a provider. If you tell him right away, he would probably run. If you "drop the bomb on him", he would be pissed and then run. If you lie until you retire, you are sneaky good! I could probably date a "retired" provider, but not an active one. But, that just me...

Look, I will say this from personal experience. I have dated providers in the past.
That being said, I knew it going into the relationship. Numbers mean nothing if you are looking for love. Every guy is a "whore", and we have no right to judgte, based on that!!!
You providers are "Ladies", the best of the ladies that are out there.
Don't tell anyone until you have decided that you want to go to the next level. The past is the past, why should you be punished for somehing someone wasn't even there for.
I told my ex years ago, she kept pushing to know about my past. I told her, it happened before you and you cannot change it, so what does it matter. The priest told her the same thing, it wasn't any of her business. One day she kept pushing and I finally told her the number, and then I had to account for every single time in my life. Yes, I still remember all of them. But when she kept asking, she got more jealous, and then it deterioated the relationship to the point of no return. She said she couldn't compare to that many women. I told her she didn't have to, but she never could let it go!!!! I told her from the beginning, her past is her past, and as long as she didn't include ex'es in our relationship, no problems.
The past is history, but should you fill the need in the future. Massage therapist with hj would be all they would need to know. Never give site information, or he will go crazy., and worry whether he is the best!! For some reason, some guys have that philosphy. I ALWAYS KNOW THERE IS SOMEONE BETTER AT EVERYTHING, EXCEPT KILLING DEER!!!!!!lol
Good luck