Funny Cumshot Stories

Hey, fellow mongers and providers. I just had an awesome experience with a UTR lady (review to come shortly). It was a hot experience, especially since she was keen to facials. Well, I guess I had been storing up, because I really blasted the poor lady! She was a good sport about it, but it kind of had me wondering-do any fellow mongers have similar, funny stories? Be safe!

Hey, fellow mongers and providers. I just had an awesome experience with a UTR lady (review to come shortly). It was a hot experience, especially since she was keen to facials. Well, I guess I had been storing up, because I really blasted the poor lady! She was a good sport about it, but it kind of had me wondering-do any fellow mongers have similar, funny stories? Be safe! Originally Posted by spaking

I get a very expensive treatment on my hair to make it smooth and silky. One time, I got my hair done and went straight out for a big date. The next day I was brushing my hair and a bunch of flakes were falling out. I called my stylist freaking out..."OMG, the keratin is flaking out or giving me dandruff or sometime, Maurice!" Then..."OMG, never mind...I just realized its CUM!"

He's still laughing three years later and brings it up each and every time I see him!

Additionally, I have learned that one of my boyfriends has bad aim, so I carry Visine ...cum in the eyes stings like a bitch...that's why I swallow...much safer!

That's a good learning lesson!

I get a very expensive treatment on my hair to make it smooth and silky. One time, I got my hair done and went straight out for a big date. The next day I was brushing my hair and a bunch of flakes were falling out. I called my stylist freaking out..."OMG, the keratin is flaking out or giving me dandruff or sometime, Maurice!" Then..."OMG, never mind...I just realized its CUM!"

He's still laughing three years later and brings it up each and every time I see him! Originally Posted by LilMynx69

Yep, that was a good one, lilmynx wish more people would chime in

Well, I guess I had been storing up, because I really blasted the poor lady! She was a good sport about it, but it kind of had me wondering-do Originally Posted by spaking

glad to see some others' stories are actually be funny. your was not.

Speaking of cum in hair. When I was 18 I had a 20 yr old gf and she was very naughty. She also did hair. We didn't have a place so we did most of our fucking in my car. One night I picked her up and she came out with a jar with a lid. She got in an wanted to go to our parking spot right away. We get there and she is really in a hurry. She tells me to get my dick out ( that's what it was called in the late '70's) and she starts sucking me. After I'm hard she gets the jar and takes the lid off. She then tells me to let her know when I'm going to cum and she would catch it in the jar. She continued sucking and I came in the jar. She put the lid on and told me to hurry and take her home. I ask her what was going on. She told me she had read an article that said cum was good for hair. When she got home she washed her hair with my cum. The next night when I picked her up her hair was really shiney.

glad to see some others' stories are actually be funny. your was not. Originally Posted by Juan Pablo de Marco

Another time I was getting hot and heavy with this cute coworker I'd been lusting after forever. So, anyway, I get him back to my place and we are hooking up on the couch, on the floor, against the wall...back in the couch. So, he says he's going to cum and I'm stroking him hard and telling him to cum all over my face and I must have been stroking a bit hard, because, his cum shot up, hit the ceiling fan and sprayed all over the room. Ooooops, my bad!

Speaking of cum in hair. When I was 18 I had a 20 yr old gf and she was very naughty. She also did hair. We didn't have a place so we did most of our fucking in my car. One night I picked her up and she came out with a jar with a lid. She got in an wanted to go to our parking spot right away. We get there and she is really in a hurry. She tells me to get my dick out ( that's what it was called in the late '70's) and she starts sucking me. After I'm hard she gets the jar and takes the lid off. She then tells me to let her know when I'm going to cum and she would catch it in the jar. She continued sucking and I came in the jar. She put the lid on and told me to hurry and take her home. I ask her what was going on. She told me she had read an article that said cum was good for hair. When she got home she washed her hair with my cum. The next night when I picked her up her hair was really shiney. Originally Posted by jwood

Dude, today I'd be worried she would impregnate herself with it. The 70's, not so much.

Dated a really cute (looked like Betty Boop) girl in law school. Petite with HUGE tits. She wasn't "into" blowjobs so she didn't put effort into it. Thank God she loved fucking! Anyway, she knew I loved getting my dick sucked so she'd do her best (which wasn't very good) so I'd "help her out" by pushing my cock in and out of her mouth and give her fair warning when "it" was about to happen. So one night she's reclining between my legs...her big natural boobs rubbing on my thighs..while I use her mouth. Her hlittle hand is going up and down w/o much enthusiam but I'm pretty good at fucking a mouth and I'm getting ready to cum. I tell her and she immediately pulls me out and I reach down to help her jack a load out. She's got her head turned to the side but looks back to see if "it's" happened yet. At that very moment my cock shoots a huge rope reight into her left eyes. She opens her mouth to try to scream out her disgust and a second rope hits her in the back of her throat. She jumps out of bed..one hand on her eye...gagging and spinning about..those gorgeous titties hopping about. I couldn't stop laughing at the site. About 6 months after that I found another petitie girl ....hot Latina..that LOVED sucking cock. The petite girl that couldn't suck cock is a respected civic volunteer in another state now. Bet she still doesn't take it in the mouth!

As long as that cum shot doesn't have a resulting phone call of "I'm pregnant!!" then they are all funny.

Was having my usual wonderful time with K4U. As my time was getting close I thought I could put a shot on to her chest but knowing it would barely reach her belly button as usual.

Pull off the cover and let it go. Well I must have had a bit more pent up frustration cause it woulda put a hole through her head (if she didn't move) as it hit the wall behind her.

Now it's almost pitch black in there with just a little moonlight and she was able to "sense" it cumming and ducked at the last millisecond.

When I asked her how she was able to avoid it she said she "heard" it coming straight for her and her "cat like ninja reflexes" took over.

We collapsed laughing and still laugh about it today.

OK, a very long time ago:

So my car was down for some teenage mutant mechanic shit, I take my Dad's Plymouth wagon (with a 440 Hemi!) out with a young lady on a Sunday night. He had his mail all ready to go out Monday morning, rubber banded on the bench front seat. Things went from good to better with the short Sunday night date, so good never made it out of the front seat. Monday night he comes home, asks me did I spill something in the front seat of his car, his mail was all fucked up, I said "I thought we cleaned up all that milkshake. It was Janet's fault, though (he liked Janet), she spilled it messing around". He said it wasn't to bad to send, and if anyone says anything he'll blame it on the Post Office, didn't have time to redo it. Whew. God knows who all got that pulled pork DNA sample of mine. Hope they enjoyed it.

So here's the question Phildo --- you got a teenage son. he takes your car out on a date. Brings it back with sticky shit all over something and tells you it's a spilled milkshake. you believe him? Nah - didn't think so. Neither did your Dad but he might have pulled his pud thinking about your GF sucking dick.