Sure to offend>>>>

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, 'I can't believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!'

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Got this text from my brother recently. It read. 'Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!'
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Was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, 'It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!'

Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don't get offers like that every day.

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My wife just came in and said, 'I don't know if I am coming or going'.
'I said to her, 'Judging by the look on your face, you're going 'cause when you're coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!'

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My favorite!

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked agirl named Penny – is that spooky or what?

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The wife just asked me, 'When you're on a 'boys only trip away', do you think about me?'
Apparently 'Only to stop myself from coming too fast' wasn't the right answer.

LOLz

lol, I like the fortune teller one too GM, thx

Lol....I really liked the 2nd one

My favorite is the first one in the signature line --- except I change two words. Eliminate"doesn't" and add an "s' to spit.

Very good, reminds me of the unknown comic, the guy with the bag on his head, whatever happened to him?

I saw the Unknown Comic in Vegas at a show he was doing back in late 90s.

That's some good stuff!

My name is Chicago K9, and I approved this message.