Funniest/Most Awkward Hobby Moment? (Again)

I know this has been discussed countless times (trust me, been around for 6 years and seen this thread many times), but in view of the holiday season approaching, I thought it would be fun to get some humor and lighthearted-ness going! (I mean c'mon, we can't take ourselves so seriously all the time!!!)

So, what is one of the funniest, silliest, most awkward or just downright weird hobby moments you have experienced?

Here are a few of my personal faves from over the years (and across two countries):

• The first session I ever provided was doing a doubles with another lady. I was totally terrified (understandably), and had no idea what to expect. So, we go into the room with the gent, shut the door, and he literally just turns around and grabs onto my tit (I was still fully clothed). It totally freaked me out and I think I almost wet myself at the time, lol.
  
  
• I once came face to face with a client in the store, only about 15 mins after we had finished the session. Thankfully, he was one of my regs and we were able to just laugh it off and go our separate ways (until the next meeting of course!)
  
  
• One time I had another reg, laying down and ready for the massage. I had just heated up the cream in the microwave (as I normally would do). Unfortunately for him, I had accidentally heated it up waaaay too much. He lay there, totally relaxed, dim lights, music, etc. I go to squirt the first pump of cream into my hands - the pump is stuck a little. I push down harder, and BOOM. Almost boiling hot cream shoots out of the bottle and straight onto his manhood. It happened so fast that I could not react before I heard him scream high pitched like a girl and jump up faster than I could blink!!! Poor guy got burned but I could not help but laugh!!!! (Thankfully he forgave me and we were able to continue the session, and there was no lasting damage!)
  
  
• Another time over in London, was massaging a British gent. We are at the end of the session, he just finishes the crescendo and exclaims very loudly, "GOD BLESS AMERCIA!!!" (bc I am an American) Had me busting out in laughter and tears, lolols.

So, what are some of y'alls (ladies and gents?)

Easily the most embarrassing moment for me was when I couldn't get it up my first time with a provider. She was a BP one too. Just had too many nerves. Thankfully she was cool about it.

Awwwe, poor dude! That is one advantage to being a female, even if we are nervous, there is no chance of any sort of trouser malfunction we have to worry about!

I was doing a doubles once and lol I assume the other chick was trying to challenge mY oral skills and she scraped the guys penis with her teeth and blood started gushing everywhere. It was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened during a session before. I never seen so much blood in my life , the bathroom floor was covered completely in blood. Omg my stomach is turning now with just the thought of it

HOLY SHIT!!!!

I've been doing this for a long time and have a ton of oddball/funny moments that just had me shaking my head.

The most recent happened just the other day, I was with this UTR girl and she tells me she is multi-orgasmic to the extreme, I'm thinking hell yeah that's hot! Then she says "oh also, I often come so hard I pass out, don't worry though I'm fine just keep going I'll wake up after a bit!"...um, ok that's weird lol but also interesting let's roll with it.

Then she tells me that when she's about to pass out she has a habit of scratching involuntarily and thrashing around but she'll try to control her claws so as not to scratch me, but just in case grab her hands and pin her down, oh and watch out because when she comes to she's been known to jerk awake involuntarily and headbutt you so stay clear ....ok this is getting weirder by the minute but I like weird. What's life for if not to experience an assortment of interesting and diverse things? plus she's fucking hot and sexy.

So after the pre-session safety meeting of sorts we get down to business and damn this girl wasn't kidding she cums at the drop of a hat! I'm on top of her in missionary for all of 30 seconds and she starts making these squeals and her eyes roll back in her head as she tries to death grip my arms with her claws! I grab her hands and pin them down to the bed but this chick is strong I have to put some force into it! Right as she comes she starts bucking like a wild mustang thrashing all around, she damned near threw me off and would have broken my dick in the process but I rode it out until sure enough she straight up passed out!

I pulled out and just burst out laughing like "wtf did that just happen?" I'm still laughing when she comes to about 30 seconds later and fortunately my head was nowhere near hers because she wasn't kidding she jerked awake like she'd been shocked and I would have been headbutted for sure! She's telling me "you didn't have to stop"! Lol ok!

Throughout the session she repeated this process at least 8-10 times I shit you not! Every single time I couldn't help but laugh hysterically! One of the strangest, most hilarious, and somehow oddly primal and erotic things ever. I loved it!

It's a weird, weird world isn't it?

Dueling.... Banjos.... Nuff said

Spice - that's so fucked up. You can't make that shit up.

HOLY SHIT!!!! Originally Posted by Victoria of Houston

That was my exact reaction. The guy contacted me the next day after his doctors appointment as inquired and he stated that the doctor said the reason why it was so much blood was because since he was aroused all the blood had circulated to the tip of his cock. I was just glad it wasn't anything too major

I've been doing this for a long time and have a ton of oddball/funny moments that just had me shaking my head.

The most recent happened just the other day, I was with this UTR girl and she tells me she is multi-orgasmic to the extreme, I'm thinking hell yeah that's hot! Then she says "oh also, I often come so hard I pass out, don't worry though I'm fine just keep going I'll wake up after a bit!"...um, ok that's weird lol but also interesting let's roll with it.

Then she tells me that when she's about to pass out she has a habit of scratching involuntarily and thrashing around but she'll try to control her claws so as not to scratch me, but just in case grab her hands and pin her down, oh and watch out because when she comes to she's been known to jerk awake involuntarily and headbutt you so stay clear ....ok this is getting weirder by the minute but I like weird. What's life for if not to experience an assortment of interesting and diverse things? plus she's fucking hot and sexy.

So after the pre-session safety meeting of sorts we get down to business and damn this girl wasn't kidding she cums at the drop of a hat! I'm on top of her in missionary for all of 30 seconds and she starts making these squeals and her eyes roll back in her head as she tries to death grip my arms with her claws! I grab her hands and pin them down to the bed but this chick is strong I have to put some force into it! Right as she comes she starts bucking like a wild mustang thrashing all around, she damned near threw me off and would have broken my dick in the process but I rode it out until sure enough she straight up passed out!

I pulled out and just burst out laughing like "wtf did that just happen?" I'm still laughing when she comes to about 30 seconds later and fortunately my head was nowhere near hers because she wasn't kidding she jerked awake like she'd been shocked and I would have been headbutted for sure! She's telling me "you didn't have to stop"! Lol ok!

Throughout the session she repeated this process at least 8-10 times I shit you not! Every single time I couldn't help but laugh hysterically! One of the strangest, most hilarious, and somehow oddly primal and erotic things ever. I loved it!

It's a weird, weird world isn't it? Originally Posted by SpiceItUp

She needs to be fucked only while wearing a Redman Suit.

Gotdayum SIU! That is the hardest I've laughed all week. That is some strange shyte for sure. I don't think I could've stayed after the first 3 or 4 times she passed out. I would've been laughing too hard and couldn't get it back up. Just sayin...

I used to fuck a coed when I was in college. She failed to disclose that she was epileptic. She would have have seizures when she orgasmed, another little tidbit she failed to tell me.

Spice, that is freakin' hilarious!

I have also had my fair share of weird cummers....One time, a certain gent started hyperventilating so hard, his entire chest and torso turned bright red and I literally thought he was having a heart attack. All I could think was, "Shit, how am I going to explain this to the ems workers when they arrive!" Thankfully he was just very energetic, I guess?? about cumming, lol.

Had another guy who failed to tell me he'd had a vasectomy. So he starts thrashing and moaning and acting like it is happening, yet all the while not a drop was coming out. So, I just kept going, not wanting to stop in case he was close or something. Then he relaxes and goes limp, just like you do post cum...I stand there for a second and finally whispered, "Did it happen?" He finally told me about his snip snip at that point (would have been nice to know ahead of time!) Lols, so funny....

Awkward moments:

I had a doubles set up. When I took off my pants the laughter in the room was deafening. One lady passed out from laughter. The other laughed so hard at my 1.3" of dangling death that so cracked a rib.

Another time, a lady called me asking for help. The fucktard showed up to his doubles session drunck and passed out. The ladies could not get him revived. When I got there he was fully dressed and ready to go. I put him in his car and drove him to a hotel parking lot. The ladies were following me and picked me up from the hotel.

LOL, great story Spice!
I wanna meet that chick, it'd be like scaring one of those fainting goats...hours of fun!