Nursery Rhymes ( not for kids )

It's a rainy day so lets try to laugh a little with some Nursery Rhymes. Here are two. Anyone else have any?

Jack & Jill went up the Hill, each with a Buck & a Quarter.
Jill came down with Two Fifty.

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her dog a bone.
When she bent over Rover Drove her, as he had a bone of his own.

Old King Cole was a merry old sole,
2 brass balls and a rubber asshole,
when he clanged them together they played stormy weather,
and lightning shot from his ass.

Mary had a little pig, she couldnt stop it grunting
She took it down the garden path, and kicked its little head in.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water.
Jill came down with half a crown, but not for fetching water.


Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny,
Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, cos Jill's a fucking tranny.
.

There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle 0f her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good, but when she was bad she got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a sports car.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the Bed
while Little Bope gave him Head.

Jack & Jill went up the hill to smoke a little leaf.
Jack got high, pulled down his fly
and Jill said Where's the Beef.

Little Boy Blew, Hey he needed the Money.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you may not know this but, I'm falling for You..
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a giant boner in my pants for You...
Roses are red, violets are blue, You think this will rhyme. But it ain't gonna!

Little Miss Muffet sat on the tuffet eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider and sat down beside her and said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"

Apologies to Andrew "Dice" Clay, who did this one and many of the others at the beginning of his first HBO Special about 20 years ago. If you had front-row seats to one of his concerts and didn't exchange them for seats further back, you got what you deserved lol.

Edit: Mary, Mary, quite contrary, trim that pussy, it's much too hairy!

How times have changed. And not for the better in this particular instance. That's just one man's (minority) opinion. I will never like the bald eagle, I will always prefer the bush. Good luck finding one!

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And can't tell where to find them;
She posted a ad, ta find them
now sowing her oats a hoeing