Genuine or Role Play????

Question for those of you who are real BDSM practitioners and real Power Exchange or Master/slave lifestyle folks.


When considering your type of play and your experience, do you feel you are being genuine to yourself or is it role play?

And when you look at others are they just playing a role, or are they real people just living out their genuine desires?

I would like to hear from providers as well, is it something you do just for the money, or it that really who you are?

Are the floggers, canes, and clothes pins tools of the trade or extensions of your lifestyle???

I am definitely genuine when I am doing Dom / Sub play... And expect that my partner(s) are also...

I can pretty much tell when someone is faking and it usually has me either abort all together or go back to GFE... I do not want someone to do something that they are not into with me.

I'm not sure I would call it a role as much as a part? It's not a part of me that shows while I am at work, or with my family, or at the store.

And of course if someone else isn't there with me, it's no fun.

BDSM allows me to express a part of my personality that is usually channelled into other social & professional outlets. A chance to let my inner Big Bad Wolf come out to play, so to speak. That is far from all of who I am, but it is definitely more than just a role.

Oh I completely agree with you both if your partner(s) are not into it then there is no fun and no enjoyment.

babee, I understand the compartmentalization of that part you life from family friends and the folks at the grocery store. What do you think determines the size of that compartment? In other words what portion of your life does your kink occupy, and does that increase or decrease based on your partner away from your hobby work?

Gryphon BDSM allows me to express a part of my personality that is usually channelled into other social & professional outlets. A chance to let my inner Big Bad Wolf come out to play, so to speak. That is far from all of who I am, but it is definitely more than just a role.

I would have to say that its a genuine part of who I am.

I have a couple of subs/slaves who I play with off the clock, meaning that they do not necessarily drop a 'donation' at some point during our meeting, so it is a part of my lifestyle. As far as the hobby, I only feel like I am 'playing the role' when a sub is into some aspect of play that I do not particularly care for.

babee, I understand the compartmentalization of that part you life from family friends and the folks at the grocery store. What do you think determines the size of that compartment? In other words what portion of your life does your kink occupy, and does that increase or decrease based on your partner away from your hobby work? Originally Posted by MasterTrucker

I'm just guessing here, but personality wise, I am about 80% dominant. Woe to that man (or woman) that can coax that submissive side from me. Obviously, not all sessions will be of this nature unless that is the only type of service that you provide. BUT, if BDSM is what turns you on, I think that some degree of kink will occupy your sex life regardless of what label you put on the play.

It's play. total play. in real life i am a confident, assured man who would never let someone push me around. in real life, the person who tries to do that to other people isn't a "lifestyle" domme, they are a bitch, or an asshole. Treating people without respect isn't what being a domme is. And being treated disrespectfully isn't what a sub seeks.

Quite the contrary, in our society, especially for a man, allowing oneself to be drawn into a subservient sexual role with a woman whom the man considers DESERVING, is quite a gift. I don't give a darn how beautiful a woman is, how much leather she owns and wears, if I don't consider her a goddess, I ain't submitting. In fact, I ain't doing squat.

Now in the p4p, it is a crapshoot, a gamble, a luck of the draw whether the lady providing the service fits the bill for the man. if she doesn't, the gent is out some cash. Sucks, but that's life. if she does fit the bill.....well, consider yourself damn lucky.

BUT, if BDSM is what turns you on, I think that some degree of kink will occupy your sex life regardless of what label you put on the play. Originally Posted by luxury daphne

I understand what you are saying daphne, but I am not talking about just during sex or a sexual encounter. M/s and D/s relationship many time could account for 100% of ones daily and weekly life. While I grant you that 100% is unrealistic in most everyone's life with very few exceptions, there are varying degrees of how much time one puts into their kink.

Example, when I have a new slave in service to me, I would pay more attention to that part of my life than when I do not have a slave in service to me. Even when I have a slave that is in service to me and has been in service for a longer period time, there can be and generally speaking is a decrease in the amount of time I focus on my Mastery or the slave in my charge.

Or if you have a BDSM play partner that you play with anytime you play compared to having to find a new or different play partner each time you desire to play, wouldnt you play more often if you had a regular partner you play with, a pre-established relationship?

Or if you have a BDSM play partner that you play with anytime you play compared to having to find a new or different play partner each time you desire to play, wouldnt you play more often if you had a regular partner you play with, a pre-established relationship?

Originally Posted by MasterTrucker

i definitely agree with this. i think our dom/sub personas can be turned on or off depending on our specific situations, but when it is time to be "turned on" i think the feelings and intentions have to be genuine, i.e. i personally don't believe it can (or should for that matter) be faked. i currently don't have a play partner, but if i did, i would agree with your premise quoted above for sure.

I don't know about being able to turn on and off a particular persona...If you have a Domminant personallity it comes out no matter how hard you try to supress it.

As far as the toys of the trade....I have found a simple piece of nylon cord can be quit Domminating....but I do have MANY MANY toys at My disposal to mix things up.

I don't know about being able to turn on and off a particular persona...If you have a Domminant personallity it comes out no matter how hard you try to supress it.

As far as the toys of the trade....I have found a simple piece of nylon cord can be quit Domminating....but I do have MANY MANY toys at My disposal to mix things up. Originally Posted by Touchlush

i think it depends on the person---but yes, some people are always naturally dominant and some are always naturally submissive. for a lot of people though, me included, a lot of life is lived "normally" and the dom/sub sides only come out when it is time to play, etc. for me specifically---i do have a quiet personality, but nobody who knows me well thinks of me as submissive. but in those circumstances where my submissiveness can come out, for example with a dominant play partner, my submissiveness is genuine.

It's play. total play. in real life i am a confident, assured man who would never let someone push me around. in real life, the person who tries to do that to other people isn't a "lifestyle" domme, they are a bitch, or an asshole. Treating people without respect isn't what being a domme is. And being treated disrespectfully isn't what a sub seeks.

Quite the contrary, in our society, especially for a man, allowing oneself to be drawn into a subservient sexual role with a woman whom the man considers DESERVING, is quite a gift. I don't give a darn how beautiful a woman is, how much leather she owns and wears, if I don't consider her a goddess, I ain't submitting. In fact, I ain't doing squat.

Now in the p4p, it is a crapshoot, a gamble, a luck of the draw whether the lady providing the service fits the bill for the man. if she doesn't, the gent is out some cash. Sucks, but that's life. if she does fit the bill.....well, consider yourself damn lucky. Originally Posted by barneyrubble

So true.. you can be confident without being a total ass.

Me personally, I think that the ruder people are to others, the LESS confident they truly are. The squeakiest wheel needs the most grease. Being dominant is just that; a reserve, an assurance in who you are as a person, not bowing down, and not settling for less. Gaining trust, being in control, and leading from a superior point of view. That is the mark of someone worthy of being served.

It's play. total play. in real life i am a confident, assured man who would never let someone push me around. in real life, the person who tries to do that to other people isn't a "lifestyle" domme, they are a bitch, or an asshole. Treating people without respect isn't what being a domme is. And being treated disrespectfully isn't what a sub seeks. Originally Posted by barneyrubble

Expressing a Dom(me) nature in everyday life doesn't require treating people disrespectfully or pushing people around. It gets sublimated into seeking out situations in which one is in control, preferably with responsibility for others' well being. Since I don't play the sub role, I can't comment on how others behave during playtime. But for me there is no element of disrespect for the sub; we have both agreed who is going to be in charge and it becomes my responsibility to make it as fulfilling for her as it is for me.

Oh I completely agree with you both if your partner(s) are not into it then there is no fun and no enjoyment.

babee, I understand the compartmentalization of that part you life from family friends and the folks at the grocery store. What do you think determines the size of that compartment? In other words what portion of your life does your kink occupy, and does that increase or decrease based on your partner away from your hobby work? Originally Posted by MasterTrucker

I devote as much time to my kink as I can and not nearly enough as my soul would like.

Time. Schedule. What catastrophe is going on right now. <- All the usual single working mom stuff.

Back when I was 24/7, it was 24/7. No matter where I was, what I was doing, who I was with. Living it does not mean spending 24/7 wearing leather, tied down in a dungeon somewhere. It'd be nice though wouldn't it?

D/s is a dominant part of my sexuality. My sexuality is only a part of who I am. Any statisticians in the house? I need a pie chart.

Why would dom/sub be any more or less omnipresent in our lives than other forms of sexual experssion? I love to romp with ladies of many types. That doesn't mean that in my work life I'm constantly coming on to everyone I meet in every situation. That results in sexual harassment. Sure, I often check people out as I encounter them, and fantasize off and on. But keeping things in their proper context is what adults are supposed to do.

I'm basically a sub in this relm, but I certainly take leadership roles in the civilian world, and hope I do my share in bed with non-kinky partners.