gentlemen..... ladies......
It's been talked about a few times that no one really needs to know much about the other party other than whether they are going to show up and deliver in accordance with expectations.
But when "ATF"s develop..... A lot more than typical session time tends to occur.....
In most of these relationships a huge imbalance as to who knows what about whom begins to develop.....
I know guys that swear by a lady they have seen 15 times and spent 100s of hours with that will admit that the lady knows just about everything there is to know about him..... while he still does not know even her real name....
Until a problem occurs both tend to feel they "know" the other.....
You can't get hired to work for $8 an hour at a hotel as a desk clerk (any job can be used) and you can't rent an apartment for $800 a month without a full background check being done..... But guys open their arms and homes at times for a night or weekend to a lady that COULD be far less stable than she appears on the surface....
How do you guys/gals do it?
I simply cannot.... I can see a gal once or twice for a few hours but if I am getting into any kind of long term relationship with her I ant to know who she is and where she comes from....
- Whispers
- 05-10-2012, 12:01 AM
- Fratelli
- 05-10-2012, 02:36 AM
You know as much about them as they choose to tell you.
They know as much about you as you choose to tell them.
I know a couple of ladies who have been quite open about who they are and where they come from. I nevertheless realize that they probably have not told me everything, and some of what they have told me may not be completely true. No matter how much they feel they can trust me, they have their personal lives and identities to protect.
I, likewise, am circumspect as to what I tell these ladies, no matter how much I feel I can trust them - and I do feel that I can trust the girls I see regularly.
This is the hobby - there can be no expectation of full disclosure.
If you are really talking about a long-term relationship, then you've moved outside the hobby; you are in different territory. But if you are talking about a regular hobby relationship then, IMO, the same rules apply.
That said, I don't open my home to anyone, and open my arms for only an hour or two at a time, so I can't speak to the "open your homes for a night or weekend" part. I wouldn't feel the need for a full background check to do that, but I would need to feel that I know someone well enough that I have a good feel for their personality before I would do that.
They know as much about you as you choose to tell them.
I know a couple of ladies who have been quite open about who they are and where they come from. I nevertheless realize that they probably have not told me everything, and some of what they have told me may not be completely true. No matter how much they feel they can trust me, they have their personal lives and identities to protect.
I, likewise, am circumspect as to what I tell these ladies, no matter how much I feel I can trust them - and I do feel that I can trust the girls I see regularly.
This is the hobby - there can be no expectation of full disclosure.
If you are really talking about a long-term relationship, then you've moved outside the hobby; you are in different territory. But if you are talking about a regular hobby relationship then, IMO, the same rules apply.
That said, I don't open my home to anyone, and open my arms for only an hour or two at a time, so I can't speak to the "open your homes for a night or weekend" part. I wouldn't feel the need for a full background check to do that, but I would need to feel that I know someone well enough that I have a good feel for their personality before I would do that.
- RALPHEY BOY
- 05-10-2012, 07:47 AM
for us single guys its easy, we have nothing to hide and nothing to lose,, what are they going to do? steal my 6 year old outdated 40" LCD Tv?? go ahead I need a new one..
tell my friends, family, co workers, I see Providers, they already know
I have never had an issues with any lady coming to my home.
tell my friends, family, co workers, I see Providers, they already know
I have never had an issues with any lady coming to my home.
- Whispers
- 05-10-2012, 12:37 PM
for us single guys its easy, we have nothing to hide and nothing to lose,, what are they going to do? steal my 6 year old outdated 40" LCD TV?? go ahead I need a new one..I certainly understand the issues a married man faces and that drove a lot of my earlier concerns..... but even a man in a prestigious position in his career or social circle that is single has much to lose with the wrong lady with issues "losing it"....
tell my friends, family, co workers, I see Providers, they already know
I have never had an issues with any lady coming to my home. Originally Posted by RALPHEY BOY
My wife has been gone over a year and when I refer to my "home" I am not as concerned about possession as I am with the potential for interference in the quality of life that could occur.
- RALPHEY BOY
- 05-10-2012, 01:36 PM
Provider drama is no worse than my real life drama I have gone through..
this is pre-school compared to my life
how many of yall have had drug dealers come to your home when you were 17 put a gun to your face because my brother stole from him, and called numerous time at all hours of the day
how many of you have had Cops from San Fran and Arizona and Texas constantly harass and stake out your house because your brother was a wanted felon?
How many of you have Child Molesting first cousins? how many of you have had your first cousin killed by the Sheriffs dept for sleeping with a Deputies wife?
How many of you have first cousins convicted of murder while high on meth?
shall I go on?? tell you more?? I am not scared of a little Provider drama..
this is pre-school compared to my life
how many of yall have had drug dealers come to your home when you were 17 put a gun to your face because my brother stole from him, and called numerous time at all hours of the day
how many of you have had Cops from San Fran and Arizona and Texas constantly harass and stake out your house because your brother was a wanted felon?
How many of you have Child Molesting first cousins? how many of you have had your first cousin killed by the Sheriffs dept for sleeping with a Deputies wife?
How many of you have first cousins convicted of murder while high on meth?
shall I go on?? tell you more?? I am not scared of a little Provider drama..
- Whispers
- 05-10-2012, 02:51 PM
Provider drama is no worse than my real life drama I have gone through..You have certainly earned the thick skin......
this is pre-school compared to my life
how many of yall have had drug dealers come to your home when you were 17 put a gun to your face because my brother stole from him, and called numerous time at all hours of the day
how many of you have had Cops from San Fran and Arizona and Texas constantly harass and stake out your house because your brother was a wanted felon?
How many of you have Child Molesting first cousins? how many of you have had your first cousin killed by the Sheriffs dept for sleeping with a Deputies wife?
How many of you have first cousins convicted of murder while high on meth?
shall I go on?? tell you more?? I am not scared of a little Provider drama.. Originally Posted by RALPHEY BOY
Seems there was a lot there you would have found hard to avoid.....
It just seems to me that if I CAN mitigate some risk it might be prudent to do so.
- Toyz
- 05-10-2012, 03:11 PM
Whispers. I can only speak to my situation, but will do so offline this evening. I prefer OC by far and have some measures in place to assure I am safe...of course nothing is foolproof... However one of the biggest pluses in my view is...I am not walking into a strange environment with what I have no idea is behind the door. I am having a lady over for marguritas or wine...tough to bust me in the privacy of my own home with a lady visitor....