What would your profile say?

I posted this on comedy central and Jack Flash filled it out....What would yours say?

http://alexthereluctantescort.com/20...st-review-thr/

LOL

Is this for hobbyists or escorts to fill out?

AGE
Check his ID
20 to 29
30 to 40
41 to 55
56 to 66
Older than dirt

WEIGHT
Delicate flower
Average
Great body
Muscles
Car tire
Truck tire
Get the harpoon

LOOKS
Silver fox
Young and handsome
Calvin Klein model
Ruggedly good looking
Nothing to write home about
Not attractive
Get my blindfold

FACIAL HAIR
Shaved
Missed a few days
You might get a brush burn

BODY HAIR
None
Average
Gorilla

HYGIENE
Came in clean and showered, smelling great
Needed a pre-coital shower
Get the Lysol and crotchless hazmat suit

HEIGHT
Short – Could eat me standing up
Average
Tall – Could blow him standing up

PENIS
Get tweezers
Average
Decent size, weird bend, use yoga poses
Very nice
Big
OMG I just coughed up an ovary

ASS
No ass apparent
Tiny but cute
Nice and firm
A bit saggy
Bowling balls in plastic shopping bags

SEX
None, just looking for therapy
Doesn’t know what he’s doing
Quickie
Amazing lover
Will fuck you dry as a bone

BJ
You may cough up a fur ball later
Smells bad, have to breathe through your eyes
Fine
Penis tastes yummy

DATY
No
Yes, fine
Hits all the right notes
Needs instruction

MARRIED
Yes
No
In denial
Didn't say

HOBBY LIFE
Virgin
Rarely
Occasionally
Regular
Serial
Fucks every escort out there and lives on TER

PERSONALITY
Doesn’t have one
Nice and personable
Very interesting
Fun and easy going
If this wasn’t business I’d want to know him better
Complete moron
Asshole
Should know by now he's not a winner

SESSION ATTITUDE
Respectful
Shy and passive
Aggressive
Pressed for things not on menu
Overstayed his welcome
Tried to haggle
Calls after to chat… thinks we’re friends now

APPOINTMENT RATING
10 God-like body, great lover
9 great time, handsome, fun
8 nice, gentleman, has a few skills
7 Easy, out in under 30
6 Just fair
5 Don’t remember, but can still give to my shoe fund
4 A bit demanding
3 I never worked so hard
2 Not worth the money I made, up your rates
1 Never again, black list his ass


Recommendation:
Only if you're hard up

...Hysterical! I love a man with a great sense of humor.

Charles, That made my morning. LOL

LMAO!

As with 90% of the guys reading this, I'm somewhere between Jack Flash and Charles.

AGE
Check his ID
20 to 29
30 to 40
41 to 55
56 to 66
Older than dirt

WEIGHT
Delicate flower
Average
Great body
Muscles
Car tire (maybe just the emergency spare, though)
Truck tire
Get the harpoon

LOOKS
Silver fox
Young and handsome
Calvin Klein model
Ruggedly good looking
Nothing to write home about
Not attractive
Get my blindfold

FACIAL HAIR
Shaved
Missed a few days
You might get a brush burn

BODY HAIR
None
Average
Gorilla

HYGIENE
Came in clean and showered, smelling great
Needed a pre-coital shower (borderline, probably OK without it but couldn't hurt; he's willing if you suggest)
Get the Lysol and crotchless hazmat suit

HEIGHT
Short – Could eat me standing up
Average
Tall – Could blow him standing up

PENIS
Get tweezers
Average (OK, maybe a bit smaller, but meets the Elaine Boozler test - "if it reaches from you to me, it's fine")
Decent size, weird bend, use yoga poses
Very nice
Big
OMG I just coughed up an ovary

ASS
No ass apparent
Tiny but cute
Nice and firm
A bit saggy
Bowling balls in plastic shopping bags

SEX
None, just looking for therapy
Doesn’t know what he’s doing (but this won't be a problem if the lady takes the initiative; and he is somewhat trainable)
Quickie
Amazing lover
Will fuck you dry as a bone

BJ
You may cough up a fur ball later
Smells bad, have to breathe through your eyes
Fine
Penis tastes yummy

DATY
No
Yes, fine
Hits all the right notes
Needs instruction

MARRIED
Yes
No
In denial

HOBBY LIFE
Virgin
Rarely
Occasionally
Regular (may be slowing down, though)
Serial
Fucks every escort out there and lives on TER

PERSONALITY
Doesn’t have one
Nice and personable
Very interesting
Fun and easy going
If this wasn’t business I’d want to know him better
Complete moron
Asshole
(Could be either of the above, depending on how similar the lady's personality is; different strokes for different folks, right?)

SESSION ATTITUDE
Respectful
Shy and passive (multiple choices OK?)
Aggressive
Pressed for things not on menu
Overstayed his welcome
Tried to haggle
Calls after to chat… thinks we’re friends now

APPOINTMENT RATING
10 God-like body, great lover
9 great time, handsome, fun
8 nice, gentleman, has a few skills
7 Easy, out in under 30
6 Just fair
5 Don’t remember, but can still give to my shoe fund
4 A bit demanding
3 I never worked so hard
2 Not worth the money I made, up your rates
1 Never again, black list his ass
(may range from 5 to 8; WALDT applies to the ladies too, right?)

Recommendation:
If compatibility is VERY important, may or may not be your cup of tea. Otherwise, why not? Easy appointment and no hassles, probably not significantly worse than most of your clients.

Love it!!!!

AGE
Check his ID
20 to 29
30 to 40
41 to 55
56 to 66
Older than dirt

WEIGHT
Delicate flower
Average
Great body
Muscles
Car tire
Truck tire
Get the harpoon

LOOKS
Silver fox
Young and handsome
Calvin Klein model
Ruggedly good looking
Nothing to write home about
Not attractive
Get my blindfold

FACIAL HAIR
Shaved
Missed a few days
You might get a brush burn

BODY HAIR
None
Average
Gorilla

HYGIENE
Came in clean and showered, smelling great
Needed a pre-coital shower
Get the Lysol and crotchless hazmat suit

HEIGHT
Short – Could eat me standing up
Average
Tall – Could blow him standing up

PENIS
Get tweezers
Average
Decent size, weird bend, use yoga poses
Very nice
Big
OMG I just coughed up an ovary

ASS
No ass apparent
Tiny but cute
Nice and firm
A bit saggy
Bowling balls in plastic shopping bags

SEX
None, just looking for therapy
Doesn’t know what he’s doing
Quickie
Amazing lover
Will fuck you dry as a bone

BJ
You may cough up a fur ball later
Smells bad, have to breathe through your eyes
Fine
Penis tastes yummy

DATY
No
Yes, fine
Hits all the right notes
Needs instruction

MARRIED
Yes
No
In denial
Didn't say

HOBBY LIFE
Virgin
Rarely
Occasionally
Regular
Serial
Fucks every escort out there and lives on TER

PERSONALITY
Doesn’t have one
Nice and personable
Very interesting
Fun and easy going
If this wasn’t business I’d want to know him better
Complete moron
Asshole
Should know by now he's not a winner
(varies depending on situation)
SESSION ATTITUDE
Respectful
Shy and passive
Aggressive
Pressed for things not on menu
Overstayed his welcome
Tried to haggle
Calls after to chat… thinks we’re friends now

APPOINTMENT RATING
10 God-like body, great lover
9 great time, handsome, fun
8 nice, gentleman, has a few skills
7 Easy, out in under 30
6 Just fair
5 Don’t remember, but can still give to my shoe fund
4 A bit demanding
3 I never worked so hard
2 Not worth the money I made, up your rates
1 Never again, black list his ass


Recommendation:
Depending on how willing you are to put up with someone with a few quirks and hangups, it can vary from a very plain experience to a fun experience.

Now this would be more interesting if it was done by some of the ladies who have seen the guys here -- on a no name basis of course. Then we could all try and guess who was who.

AGE
Check his ID
20 to 29
30 to 40
41 to 55
56 to 66
Older than dirt

WEIGHT
Delicate flower
Average
Great body
Muscles
Car tire
Truck tire
Get the harpoon

LOOKS
Silver fox
Young and handsome
Calvin Klein model
Ruggedly good looking
Nothing to write home about
Not attractive
Get my blindfold

FACIAL HAIR
Shaved
Missed a few days
You might get a brush burn

BODY HAIR
None
Average
Gorilla

HYGIENE
Came in clean and showered, smelling great
Needed a pre-coital shower
Get the Lysol and crotchless hazmat suit

HEIGHT
Short – Could eat me standing up
Average
Tall – Could blow him standing up

PENIS
Get tweezers
Average
Decent size, weird bend, use yoga poses
Are we measuring length or width?
Very nice
Big
OMG I just coughed up an ovary

ASS
No ass apparent
Tiny but cute
Nice and firm
A bit saggy
Bowling balls in plastic shopping bags

SEX
None, just looking for therapy
Doesn’t know what he’s doing
Hit or miss
Quickie
Amazing lover
Will fuck you dry as a bone

BJ
You may cough up a fur ball later
Smells bad, have to breathe through your eyes
Fine
Penis tastes yummy

DATY
No
Yes, fine
Hits all the right notes
Needs instruction

MARRIED
Yes
No
In denial


HOBBY LIFE
Virgin
Rarely
Occasionally
Regular
Serial
Fucks every escort out there and lives on TER

PERSONALITY
Doesn’t have one
Nice and personable
Very interesting
Fun and easy going
If this wasn’t business I’d want to know him better
Complete moron
Asshole


SESSION ATTITUDE
Respectful
Shy and passive
Aggressive
Pressed for things not on menu
Overstayed his welcome
Tried to haggle
Calls after to chat… thinks we’re friends now

APPOINTMENT RATING
10 God-like body, great lover
9 great time, handsome, fun
8 nice, gentleman, has a few skills
7 Easy, out in under 30
6 Just fair
5 Don’t remember, but can still give to my shoe fund
4 A bit demanding
3 I never worked so hard
2 Not worth the money I made, up your rates
1 Never again, black list his ass


Recommendation:
WYSIWYG


Wow, that was painful... lol