Emotionally Compromised

I know that in this line of business and for this type of fun you need to leave your emotions at the door. But I've been reading other past threads on here and it seems obvious as well as inevitable...we're creatures of emotion...sometimes we blur the lines of reality and performance.

I think this has happened for me unfortunately. Not with anyone here, but a girl in Dallas. Normally I'm just about the main event most of us are here for, but I always try and make a personal connection too, it's just funner to me. And girls will humor me and what not, but not to the extent this girl did! We were super flirty, had a great connection, and all around it felt amazing! Session was even more intense for it, and I felt like we were really hitting it off, like she actually enjoyed our time in addition to the money.

We hit it off so well I invited her to Austin for a Fourth of July get away! I wanted to take her to the Oasis to watch the sunset, go to a fireworks show, and just how her how much fun Austin can be. And she seemed super excited for it as well! But when we got down to the details, it felt different, like it was all business. The weekend fee was a bit much and I couldn't justify it (I was already paying for her transportation, food, shopping, etc., so that plus the donation was getting pricy)...so I said hey I'll spend the fourth with you in Dallas and we'll do a half day special she has. She says she can't since she's taking the day off...so to me that implies it was only ever about the money (duh I know), and she was just willing to sacrifice her fourth plans for a big payoff.

I know that everything we do on here is a fantasy, nothing to be taken with more than a grain of salt...but for me it still stings a little bit that things went from awesome weekend plans to a feeling of" I only want to go if you pay me". And since she and I were close in age I legitimately thought she was enjoying our time more than with most since guys are typically a lot older than our age on here, and we had a lot in common. At no point was I trying to bag this girl as a gf...I jus thought our friendship was more real than I'm coming to realize.

I understand that everyone will tell me I'm an idiot, it's a business and I never should have started the hobby if I couldn't realize that. I'm aware of those things...but what I want to know is how do you handle being emotionally compromised? Obviously I shouldn't see her anymore, but it's hard to get out of head how real and genuine our connection seemed to be.

And ladies, do you ever find yourself genuinely excited to be with a client? Am I an absolute fool to think that any enjoyment or emotion of her side was anything beyond the pleasantries of the session?

When it starts getting back into your head, just remember her reply when you offered to go up to Dallas for the 4th. That should remind you that it is a business.

Nothing good happens when ladies/guys blur the lines.

Well they are good at creating an illusion and it sounds like she did it well. There is no easy answer. You are paying for her affection, flirting, and BCD time. Once that is not there the illusion is gone. Best advice is never get so cought up that you forget it is pay to play. Having a real life relationship with a provider never ends well.

You know what to do, step back, clear your mind, forget about her, as she has already forgotten you. Guess what, you got the whole weekend to play with as many lovelys as you want now with no one hasseling you.

You will get over it and learn from it, many do.

IB

Thanks for the insightful replies guys, I honestly thought I was going to get roasted haha.

I guess I know what to do, but it's much easier said than done I think. I should have known it was a bad idea once I began thinking she might legitimately like our time together aside from the money.

Haha I even wrote and sent her an e-mail highlighting all the cool things we could do in Austin, geared towards her unique tastes, complete with links and pictures. She probably didn't even read through it though. I'm a moron

This is a great topic.

I can see where the lines got blurred. A provider doesn't just offer fun, but companionship, intimacy, and acceptance. Providers offer these services for money, if not they would be giving it away for free. You have to remember that. That is not to say that you can't have a connection or a friendship with them. You definitely can. I can easily see how things got skewed. The guys already commenting have given great advice. Look at it as a business arrangement first, and then everything else is a bonus.

Did she think of your time together as more than just a session? Who knows? Maybe, probably, or maybe not. It sounds like you two clicked so she probably did. Providers have feelings too.

It sounds like her motivation for coming to visit you was a mixture of wanting to have fun and being compensated for it. If she cancelled her other plans for it, then you can tell that she wasn't just seeing dollar signs in her eyes. Don't discount that.

When you realized that you didn't have the budget for your getaway weekend, and changed plans on her, I'm sure that she got upset and disappointed as well. I know I would have been if I had cancelled plans. So both of your expectations were destroyed.

We all know once a guy has conquered this chick they will move on to the next.

You admit you don't want her as a girlfriend so I can only assume you just want her for the sake of gratifying your greed/need for a companion. You want to have her on your arm and be seen with her but not for long.

Yes we can have genuine compatability with our clients which we met here on a p4p site; and it is nice to have been compensated when you decide you want some new gal on your arm/dick.

Perhaps you shouldn't worry if you are an absolute fool. Perhaps you should wonder how she would feel when you break it to her you don't really want her; you just wanted to rent her for a while. Also, you might consider how she won't have any money to take her landlord out for dinner and drinks to cover her housing at the end of the month.

That's the harsh reality civi girls don't understand.

Civi girls are your best bet!

Listen here, kid; it's all about the money. They offer what you want, and if get some flirtation and passion than go with it but don't mistake it for love. You ain't going to find a "Pretty Woman" ending on ECCIE. In fact, the original script actually had Edward (Gere) dropping off Vivian (Julia Roberts) back on the street where he found her, but that wouldn't be the happy ending the public was expecting from the movie. Reality is a bitch!

With all that has been said I'm sure your on your way to healing and moving on. That being said for most here they want the connection compainionship and sex without any of the real world drama, that's the cool thing about the hobby. So remember never promis to a provider what you can't or are not willing to deliver, if you want to be a cool guy and not piss of the ladies. Enjoy and have fun, hassle free, that's what the real world can't offer you.

IB

TZV13 - thanks for the optimistic outlook, but to me I question just how much excitement there was for her. Our discussions were so mechanical and to the point. But maybe you're right in saying she was disappointed I just have my doubts. I just can't get over that when I offered to go to Dallas instead she turned it down.

Illuminati- I didn't mistaken it for love, bit I did begin to believe it was a genuine connection. I didn't even think for a second Pretty Woman haha

Jasmine - I wouldn't quite say I didn't want her. I certainly enjoyed the companionship and friendship I felt. It just stung a lot when I said I couldn't afford her weekend rate and she didn't even seem disappointed.

IB - I hope I can move on, but like any sting with emotions it feels horrible...more so because I can't talk to friends/family haha. Maybe I did over promise, I guess I just felt that between the free trip all expenses paid on top of the donation I suggested, we could at least compromise on something. That's what leads me to believe it was purely money driven.

Keep your head up Zerox. The best way to get over one is to get under the next one.

Having a real life relationship with a provider never ends well. Originally Posted by Iron Butterfly

Slow your roll there, Negative Nancy. While it's certainly uncommon, it's not impossible, and when it does happen, it's a rare and beautiful thing. It takes the right people to make it work. I mean, the guy has to have the confidence of Tony Stark and the patience of Mother Teresa. The provider has to work through her issues, the main one being, "this guy is going to realize any day now that I'm just a hooker and fucking bolt." He has to know that most of the time, this is just a job.

Now for the flip side. As a provider, we often find ourselves in predicaments with clients who somehow become FWB's. It starts with dinner or a movie, or he tries to help her out with RW problems, and if drinks are involved, all of a sudden she's not getting paid. And then it's awkward trying to reinstate the payment plan. After too long (say, a year), she's bitter at this point, the sex is mediocre, and she ends things completely, because she felt used the entire time. Especially when she finds out that he's had no issue paying all sorts of other providers all over the globe. He demands to be a client again, and she tells him that he's making her feel like a hooker; his reply is, "You ARE a hooker - you fuck multiple guys every week." Hypothetically speaking.

So yeah, it's a fine line we're all walking.

Maybe this girl that the OP is talking about has been fucked over in the past and maybe she did have a great time, but has learned to keep her boundaries because of it. Or maybe she has other shit going on in her life. So many of you guys don't realize how much of an escape this can be for us, too. Maybe they really did click beyond IOP, but he has to prove he's not a user first.

My two cents.

Jasmine - I wouldn't quite say I didn't want her. I certainly enjoyed the companionship and friendship I felt. It just stung a lot when I said I couldn't afford her weekend rate and she didn't even seem disappointed.
Originally Posted by Zerox

She was probably in shock.

...sometimes we blur the lines of reality and performance.

...Normally I'm just about the main event most of us are here for, but I always try and make a personal connection too, it's just funner to me.



I know that everything we do on here is a fantasy, nothing to be taken with more than a grain of salt...but for me it still stings a little bit that things went from awesome weekend plans to a feeling of" I only want to go if you pay me". And since she and I were close in age I legitimately thought she was enjoying our time more than with most since guys are typically a lot older than our age on here, and we had a lot in common. At no point was I trying to bag this girl as a gf... I jus thought our friendship was more real than I'm coming to realize.

Originally Posted by Zerox

Hmmmmm.
I have yet to hear you say: I would gladly return the favor and give up a future fun family & friends holiday if she ever wanted some companionship in order to cultivate a real friendship.

Personally I commend her for looking out for herself and keeping it professional, because we all know it would be her who felt the sting when she sees you writing review after review on the other girls you see after she gave up a holiday to see someone she hardly knows because she foolishly considers them a "friend".

Sorry dude no pity party here for you.
If it makes you feel better I wouldn't throw her one either of she was whining about how you're a player and used her for her time and companionship when she could have been having fun in the sun with friends she might have a real relationship with. People who will be there for her when she might be going through a hard time.

Like the others say, just move on like you would have eventually done when you got something for nothing. It will be easier to move on if you admit to yourself that no one owes you anything, especially a call girl, and you can say you didn't over step your boundaries and hurt HER feelings.


"... they just lose to love; those are tennis games lady."

TZV13 - thanks for the optimistic outlook, but to me I question just how much excitement there was for her. Our discussions were so mechanical and to the point. But maybe you're right in saying she was disappointed I just have my doubts. I just can't get over that when I offered to go to Dallas instead she turned it down.

Illuminati- I didn't mistaken it for love, bit I did begin to believe it was a genuine connection. I didn't even think for a second Pretty Woman haha

Jasmine - I wouldn't quite say I didn't want her. I certainly enjoyed the companionship and friendship I felt. It just stung a lot when I said I couldn't afford her weekend rate and she didn't even seem disappointed.

IB - I hope I can move on, but like any sting with emotions it feels horrible...more so because I can't talk to friends/family haha. Maybe I did over promise, I guess I just felt that between the free trip all expenses paid on top of the donation I suggested, we could at least compromise on something. That's what leads me to believe it was purely money driven. Originally Posted by Zerox

Does it really matter how much she enjoyed herself? I can garuntee that you pay her for a session if you go in like nothing happed she will to... Because you are paying her to act a certain way for a predetermined amount of time...some girls drag it out. With excessive txting and what not. It helps build business i get it. But bottom line is it is like buying a taco. Do not get emotionally attached to the taco just enjoy the fact that you can have that exact same taco whenever you have the means to purchase it.

EJL and CSB kinda covered it as far as responses go. You are not a moron, just a human with the normal human emotions that are capable of overpowering your otherwise better judgement while your available blood is allocated to other parts of your body.

Time to see someone else because no matter how it plays out one of you(if not both) will feel cheapened by further interactions.

Claire - thanks for your insights, I see what you mean about her past and wanting to safeguard herself. I will say this, she is relatively new, so maybe that has something to do with it too. And I get the whole trust thing...but I'll add to the narrative. During our chats I got to know her and I opened up as well. We know each other's real names (verified) and it just felt very natural. Maybe she's just very good at this, and I bought too much into it.

Jasmine - valid point, but I feel that by clearing out my own fourth, dropping my plans, and taking the time to draft an e-mail highlighting things she'd enjoy I showed my commitment to companionship/friendship. And to add even more to the narrative I told her I honestly wasn't looking around for other women, not as long as she was around. And I understand how for her she can't know how sincere I was, but I really am...even now.

I also question the "shock" because through texts I saw her read receipt and response all game through in less than a second.

Gingerpie - maybe this is why I'm bad at the hobby but I can't just see her or anyone else as just a "taco" or an object. I do appreciate the consistency of the service, but for me I'll always consider the layer of the human and emotional aspect...which is turning into a questionable decision haha.

Hunkered - I agree that it's the best option and she doesn't owe me a thing or explanation or that she should have compromised on her price or anything like that. It still sucks to feel this down about it though.