Betrayed by fellow provider

I’m sharing this recent, unfortunate incident for 2 reasons; as a warning to other ladies who might be vulnerable to the same cold-blooded and costly betrayal by one of our own and to set the record straight in order to protect my reputation and livelihood.

A little background about me: For a year and a half I was a provider, working under the radar, before quitting at 30 to establish a 'straight' career. After a decade in sales, the long hours and stress propelled me back to this business for another couple years, again completely UTR. Six months ago I kicked it up a notch with some online marketing (Eccie, P411, Eros and a web site).

At the time, even as experienced and savvy as I am in most business matters, it was nerve-wracking to put myself out there like this. I didn’t know who I could trust and was not inclined to become part of such a large, diverse community, and yet with guidance from a dear friend and experienced provider (I’ll call her Eve) I eventually settled into a comfortable niche. Considering how isolating this type of work can be, I came to appreciate the support and networking with other ladies, so occasionally I’d find ways to ‘give back.’ Since most men enjoy variety and tend to have a type, if I thought a patron and another mature, likeminded provider would enjoy each other, I make the recommendation expecting nothing in return. And that’s pretty much what I got until one particular provider decided to demonstrate just how much my presence around here is really appreciated.

I met this woman, whom I’ll call Alice, through a mutual trusted friend so when she asked about the extremely effective (yet relatively unknown) marketing techniques I use (the key to my success UTR) I shared them with her, at length, as I do for anyone who asks (although those days are certainly over now). For my efforts, Alice chose to thank me within hours of our last luncheon by calling a dear patron of mine and relaying confidential details of a conversation I’d just shared with Eve (as Alice listened on) as a means of turning him against me in order to acquire him for herself. Taken out of context these details upset and confused him, a totally innocent and extremely goodhearted man (and someone I care deeply about). Alice, assuming I knew nothing of her betrayal, then proceeded to email and drill me for more information about him as well as my other patrons (getting nowhere).

Alice is very similar to me in age, body type, coloring, location and price point. She clearly considers me a threat to her business which is beyond ironic considering how I’ve actually tried to help her (both with referrals and marketing ideas that have worked out well for her) but whatever… some people are their own worst enemy.

Again, I share this as a means to protect my reputation because if she would so quickly betray me at the cost of an innocent man’s feelings, I’ve no idea what she’s capable of next. This post should serve as a record of what really went down as well as a warning for other ladies here to watch your backs. As much as we have a right, even a need to confide in each other about our work issues, we must choose our confidants carefully.

There are a few highly-regarded men (and women) on this site who can vouch for my credibility and integrity (though I wouldn’t dream of asking them to step forward unless it’s something they truly want to do). Because “Alice” is a high-end (albeit low class) provider who’s been around for decades, it's possible she plans to continue her efforts to undermine my business which is why I’m taking this stand against her malicious, unethical behavior.

If anyone has better suggestions for handling it, please share. But other than posting this clarification my instincts are to leave it to karma. Personally, I believe in the law of abundance; that there are infinite resources in the universe so we are limited solely by our own fears and prejudices. But that’s just me.

I met this woman, whom I’ll call Alice, through a mutual trusted friend so when she asked about the extremely effective (yet relatively unknown) marketing techniques I use (the key to my success UTR) I shared them with her, at length, as I do for anyone who asks (although those days are certainly over now). For my efforts, Alice chose to thank me within hours of our last luncheon by calling a dear patron of mine and relaying confidential details of a conversation I’d just shared with Eve (as Alice listened on) as a means of turning him against me in order to acquire him for herself. Originally Posted by Texas Cici

I have had some unsettling experiences with women in recent months. In two instances providers I've never heard of questioned my patrons with eerie detail about my personal livelihood and my arrangements. I've also had a woman hack my email because she was furious at a patron of mine and wanted to see if I had any information about him.

There are men who have crossed the edge of sanity in this word, and women who have as well.
I'm sorry you've been betrayed and hurt. I do have a hard time understanding how any marketing technique could cause a gentlemen who is fond of you to be upset, but nearly any piece of information can be contorted by a mind deft at such things.

It is always quite rude for any woman to ask for details about a patron or friend - to some degree our role is one of guardian, all critical personal information stays with us. It's also wise to never let ladies know who your patrons are, and I find this a to be a common practice.

I suggest a system of full disclosure with ongoing patrons. If there is transparency, there is nothing that can really surprise them. So when someone awful starts rambling off twisted information, they recognize it immediately and are not hurt, because they already know where the truth lies. I have often been lectured by other ladies about the wisdom of such an action, but when things go awry it has often been a saving grace.

Try to end this as quietly as possible. If your reputation is deservedly good there should be no reason to fear. Quietly separate yourself from her, with no confrontation or dramatics. Beyond this post I wouldn't suggest posting further on the topic as it only arranges kindling that can be set on fire. Hopefully she runs out of steam and leaves you alone.

Can't you all (gals) take care of your catfights/spats BCD or in the ladies forums?

I can only speak for myself, but anyone that comes on a national forum (that to my knowledge hasn't participated here before) and whines goes off of my bucket list (but then since you are a 1000 miles away and I've never heard of you that is kind of a moot point)...

That said I hope things work out for you

Well I don't find it so bad to be posted here. I enjoy reading all of the postings and found this interesting.

Would not similar things be said of a client that used one provider to vouch for him to another?

I have just never recognized the "competitive aspects" of the profession. I did not know it went on like that. I would not mind being fought over. lol

I can only speak for myself, but anyone that comes on a national forum (that to my knowledge hasn't participated here before) and whines goes off of my bucket list (but then since you are a 1000 miles away and I've never heard of you that is kind of a moot point)... Originally Posted by atlcomedy

http://www.eccie.net/showpost.php?p=733925&postcount=5

http://www.eccie.net/showpost.php?p=636326&postcount=42

http://www.eccie.net/showpost.php?p=615395&postcount=26

http://www.eccie.net/showpost.php?p=522775&postcount=43

http://www.eccie.net/showpost.php?p=499196&postcount=23

http://www.eccie.net/showpost.php?p=497118&postcount=19

Not exactly the gabbiest participant in D&T...but not exactly non-existant either. I hear alcohol dims the memory.

In my reading of the post...it looks like she might be...albeit in an off handed way...speaking to some potential patrons that might be readers of this forum, even if not participants. Of course, that's just a guess.

My guess is that some of the ladies might be equally enamored with our political rantings as you are with women's catfights.

Live and let live?

Word!

...I'm sorry but my only immediate suggestion would be to live & learn.

While I can find something to like or enjoy about everyone here, I've learned - over time - whom I'm comfortable confiding in & whom I am not. I'm sorry you feel you've been betrayed but that may be the most effective manner of making those kinds of decisions for yourself.

What you might want to share in the (relative) comfort of the Ladies Room is the actual handles of those involved. IOW, tell the rest of the ladies whom you can feel comfortable mentoring & whom you can not. Chances are others have had the same experience & confirmation of that may prevent another from making the same mistake.

Good luck to you!

I'll give references, I'll ask for references but I'm not looking for a friend. Hell, I basically trust no one yet still manage to be quite the friendly person. There is a fine line to walk, a life/work balance. Some people just suck, don't let them in just because you think you may "identify" with them or them with you and while you're at it read The Art of War and play some chess.

What you might want to share in the (relative) comfort of the Ladies Room is the actual handles of those involved. Originally Posted by Sisyphus

Sorry Sis, but I have to disagree. Any woman that would need to know CiCi's story would be reading this forum. I won't go into detail about why she shouldn't because that would be revealing information about the Ladies Room.

Hugs, pretty lady.

Sorry Sis, but I have to disagree. Any woman that would need to know CiCi's story would be reading this forum. I won't go into detail about why she shouldn't because that would be revealing information about the Ladies Room.

Hugs, pretty lady. Originally Posted by Ansley

I would certainly defer to those that have actually been there...the Ladies Room, that is! My point was that...if this is a cautionary tale...her fellows need to know precisely of whom she speaks. If any woman can infer who the hell she is talking about from reading this, then her work here is done.

I won't go into detail about why she shouldn't because that would be revealing information about the Ladies Room. Originally Posted by Ansley

Fair enough. However, if anyone still believes that a private forum is a guarantee of privacy they should re-examine their assumption. Truth is that once a note, article, email, etc hits the net I make an assumption (and have for many years) that someone may be able to get it. That has always been the case but there are now so many software packages out there that are designed to do nothing else than break passwords that a dedicated hacker is likely to get what they want.

I would certainly defer to those that have actually been there...the Ladies Room, that is! Originally Posted by Sisyphus

I was asked to come in once and repair something. It was nice! They have couches in there.

In my reading of the post...it looks like she might be...albeit in an off handed way...speaking to some potential patrons that might be readers of this forum, even if not participants. Of course, that's just a guess.

My guess is that some of the ladies might be equally enamored with our political rantings as you are with women's catfights.

Live and let live? Originally Posted by Rudyard K

Agreed.

A wise but evidently old,old man whose memory appears suspect, once posted in this forum about most on here agreeing on more things than not. I meant to agree with him at the time but I thought that might change his mind on the matter

I'll give references, I'll ask for references but I'm not looking for a friend. Hell, I basically trust no one yet still manage to be quite the friendly person. There is a fine line to walk, a life/work balance. Some people just suck, don't let them in just because you think you may "identify" with them or them with you and while you're at it read The Art of War and play some chess. Originally Posted by RebeccaRothko

This contains a very important point. Specifically, that just because someone shares something with us -- being the same occupation, went to the same school, has the same politics -- doesn't mean they are necessarily material to be our bestest buddies.

Wonderful attributes can co-exist with the worst of attributes; and we have a psychological tendency to automatically assume that someone with certain favorable attributes is at least above average in other important respects. This is, unfortunately, not a very worthwhile tendency.

So I agree with you there.

However, while you have a right to live your life the way you wish; I have to say that an attitude of trusting noone while reading the Art of War wouldn't be compatible with my own sense of happiness and wellbeing.

I personally give most people a certain minimal level of trust right off the bat; and then give them greater levels of trust based upon how well they did with the previous level.

While it is true that some people just suck and not much can be done about it; I have always found that having high expectations of people often inspires them to live up to those expectations and be their best.

This contains a very important point. Specifically, that just because someone shares something with us -- being the same occupation, went to the same school, has the same politics -- doesn't mean they are necessarily material to be our bestest buddies. Originally Posted by Laurentius

I use very simple technique to address this. Every once in a while I ask myself "would I still have something in common with this person if we did not share XYZ" In other words, you have to ask yourself if there are people in your current phase of life who you would love to communicate with once you move on to other things.

List usually is pretty short.

LIna