I remember why alcohol is bad now

Now I remember why I quit drinking. I feel like a beat down old lady and I know for a fact I lost a few brain cells. Yesterday with my head pounding and my stomach churning I opened the fridge to get a cool drink of water and noticed a can of opened soda sitting there. And then I read the label and in that moment I SWEAR it said "Perch" flavored soda, and I was instantly outraged. WHO THE FUCK DRINKS PERCH SODA? My mind screamed. My stomach gurgled it's opinion and it just pissed me off more. Not only did someone IN THIS HOUSE buy such an abomination, but somewhere there was a plant turning perch into soda and I was completely horrified. I was so livid, I raised a shaking hand to rub my outraged eye and when I did I realised that the can said PEACH SODA. And that is the story of why I won't be drinking again for a long time.