What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
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What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
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Why can't redneck girls ever ride reverse cowgirl?
Because you never turn your back on your family.
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A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where do you think you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"
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I broke up with my ex when I found out she'd been starring in bukkake movies online.
She tried to tell me it wasn't true, but I could see it in her eyes.