For those WITH a sense of humor...decoder ring personified.

Ultimate GFE........Can stomach sucking face with even halitosis plagued men.


I enjoy my work........A highly accomplished actress, fakes "O"s better than Meg Ryan. Also knows telling you this will lead to bigger tips and repeat business.


Down-to-earth........Isn't loaded.


Energetic ........Is loaded.

Spinner....Anorexic crkhead.

Discreet ........Too disorganized to keep your personal information.

Outcall only ........Has a car, lives in a motel.

Incall only........Doesn't have a car, lives in a motel.

BBW...........Pick a fold, any fold.

HDH....not so great at sex so has to market "brains" instead.

I answer my phone ........No computer.

E-mail me only ........ No phone.

Fill out my online booking form........ You will never get an appointment, ever.

Punctual........+/- 2 hours.

Educated........5 years of high school.

Wants to spend time getting to know you........Kills as much of the hour as possible with idle chit-chat and demands 2 hour min.


Appreciates tips........$200 for a no-touch dance, $300 more for FS.

Girl-next-door..........Has a face like a basset hound.

Mature.............Take her photo, add 15 years.

Classy..........Washes.

University Educated..........DeVry

Sensitive..........Doesn't laugh at you to your face.


Loves meeting new people..........She needs the money


Lingerie available..........BYO, she'll be more than happy to wear it.

Sensual..........Turns the TV off.


Referrals required..........Wants to gauge how skanky you really are.


Deposit required..........Primadonna.

Sophisticated..........Stops the action to take cell phone calls.

Blonde..........Bad dye job.

Redhead..........Wig.

Couples welcome..........At least women usually wash.

Can bring a friend..........Anything to get you off faster.

Smoker..........6 packs a day.

Non-Smoker..........2 packs a day.

Doesn't do drugs..........That happens after the session.

Face obscured on site for privacy..........Butt ugly, or she has already been marked with a politician.

Elegant Dinner Companion..........A free meal is always nice.

Tight butt..........No hips, ass looks like 14 year old boy.


B cup ..........BB's on a breadboard.

C cup..........B cup.

D cup..........C cup.

DD cup..........Fat.

115..........140.

125..........150.

135..........160.

140+..........A house.


New pics on site..........Reviewers slammed her for dated pics.

I only take 1 appointment per day..........The other 5 are just friends, or she is just not in demand.


My car broke down..........She has better things to do.

My email crashed, I lost everything..........She has better things to do for the next week.


Retirement..........She met a BF who doesn't like her job.

Coming out of retirement..........She was dumped.

Holiday Specials..........Kids need winter clothes

Light Domination..........You don't want FS? All the better.


If you seek a onetime experience, look elsewhere..........look elsewhere.


Nice apartment..........Doesn't live in a motel.

A few piercings..........Face and bod look like a pin cushion.

A few tats..........More ink than bare skin.

Very accomodating..........Speaks greek if you are less than 6", $100 extra. (This is so ME lol).


Now independent............Too flaky even for the agency.

Genuine pics...........Just not of her in the last 10 years.

Polite....Too stupid to make sense, so keeps quiet unless it's to agree with someone who is NOT stupid.

Too funny. This list must have taken you some time. What about when they put in add" It's me or its free?" I alway stay clear of those.

Nah, I copied it from my buddy XDOG. My list would not be as polite lmao.

They had one worse than this on aspd. I lose the link though...but this one was good too.

I know the one you're talking about, but it had too many racial undertones and outright "fat girl" jokes, to post ha ha.

It was something like, "Curvy=Fat, Volumptious=Fat, Exotic=Black, Light skinned=Ghetto, Hosts incall=Trailer Park" etc.

Its unfortunate but there is more truth than satire

Its unfortunate but there is more truth than satire Originally Posted by Chica Chaser

I just love a man who uses the word "satire" on a hooker board ha ha.

How about Irony....or Sarcasm? Even exaggeration, juxtaposition, analogy, ridicule, lampoon or double entendre? Better?

How about my absolute favorite; Pasquinade? (There is your word of the day!)

I think I just had an orgasm...a REAL one lol.

I think I just had an orgasm...a REAL one lol. Originally Posted by London Rayne

Yeah, that's what they all say. Every O is supposedly real.

Just flirting with the Mod, London?

Yeah, that's what they all say. Every O is supposedly real.

Just flirting with the Mod, London? Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

Yeah, that's what they all say. Every O is supposedly real. Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

Chuck, you really do come up with some good ones sometimes! LOL!!

Its unfortunate but there is more truth than satire Originally Posted by Chica Chaser

I agree, but one is probably is not the provider's fault

Fill out my online booking form........ You will never get an appointment, ever. Originally Posted by London Rayne

With this method of first contact, being first impressions are very hard to overcome, the contactor needs to realize that he needs to express himself to try to reveal his personality in some way (if he has no references to give) without giving too much personal info (which they will be hesitant to give on the web). Which means put more in the message than just "I want to Meet" or something like that.

I just love a man who uses the word "satire" on a hooker board ha ha. Originally Posted by London Rayne

Oh London do we have an upscale condo for you, just sayin'