Don’t quit your day job……. While I can appreciate someone admiring and paying me a compliment I do feel strongly that there is a time, a place and a rule of body part that should come into play when giving someone a compliment. I met a gentleman on an out of town trip and everything was going great….UNTIL……he began doing DATY and stopped. About 8 seconds passed by and I was about to ask “Hey, did you fall asleep? Are you breathing? Did you lose some spare change down there?”…… when he started singing the song “You Are so Beautiful to Me” directly into my (for lack of a better word) Vagina. I’m not talking about the Marge version from “The Simpsons” but the original and raspy cigarette-induced version sung by the incredible Joe Cocker. I didn’t know if I should cry at such a sweet and thoughtful display of admiration or bust out laughing because a man was singing in my Vagina…..AND singing the words incorrectly. MORAL: If you’re going to sing in a woman’s Vagina….brush up on the words to your song choice it could have an affect on YMMV.
Beans and Franks ……I am sure most gentlemen can appreciate the seriousness of this next story. A good friend stopped by for a little fun one afternoon and after playing with my monkey started to get dressed. From in the kitchen (refreshing our wine glasses of course) I heard a blood-curdling scream. You know…..the kind of scream that makes you freeze in complete fear and your nipples stand on end to where they could cut glass…. (If you have seen my nipples you know exactly what I am talking about) I walk into the bedroom to find out what had caused a grown man to make a sound that made me question whether I should be singing a Joe Cocker song into his vagina. My hobby buddy had accidently caught his beans and franks in his zipper and was standing there with this blank look on his face….begging with his eyes for me to shoot him and end his misery. However, with my quick thinking and cat like reflexes I grabbed a bottle of lube sitting next to bed and doused his Cargo Khaki zipper and quickly set his Captain Falcon and the twins free. ….. MORAL: Lube is your friend….. (On a side note gentlemen…tipping is appropriate in this situation)
Can I get a fire extinguisher please It was a nice night outside and I decided to leave the windows open so that me and my hobby friend could have some fresh spring air while playing monkey games. You know a little wine, a fresh breeze, hide the banana….typical stuff. “Are you popping popcorn?” my friend says…”uh no” I reply. Looking over to the bedside table was one of my pillows that had inched a little too close to a candle burning….. It was fully engulfed!!!! I don’t just mean the pillowcase had a few little red embers dancing around on it…..the pillow was FULLY ENGULFED!!! OK….take a second to picture what was going on here. Two grown NAKID people jumping around screaming, banging pillows together yelling “Stop, Drop and Roll” Needless to say we got the fire out before the fire alarm had a chance to go off and had a good laugh. MORAL: Non-fire retardant pillows and hobbying do not mix
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? A good hobby friend surprised me one day with probably one of the most thoughtful gifts to date in my hobby existence. As most of you know I am a monkey lover and my monkey seems to go everywhere I go. For those of you who have met my monkey…you know why. My friend showed up at my in call location and said he had a big surprise for me. Hell, what girl doesn’t love a “big surprise” 10 minutes after my friend escaped into my bedroom I started to get a little nervous. Just as I was about to finish my bottle of wine my buddy pops out of my bedroom in a full body monkey suit…..MASK, HANDS, FEET and all! It was hysterical!!!! How many of you guys can say you have actually done it with a full size monkey? ME! ME! The best part was that he left the monkey suit for me to do with as I please MORAL: If you ever have the chance to own a full body monkey suit it’s great for scaring small children and grown men out of a stupor when they have had a zipper incident.
The artist formerly known as Prince This has to be one of my all time favorite hobby events…..A great friend/client of mine scheduled our weekly visit together and told me to get ready for something different. Different? What the hell does that mean? All week I waited and waited wondering what in the world someone could show me that was “different” in my world. Needless to say the anticipation was excruciating and well worth the wait at the same time. My friend shows up to my in call with a radio and a devilish grin……he asked me to take a seat in my chaise lounge and enjoy the show. My good friend proceeded to do a strip tease to the song “You sexy Motherfucker” by The artist we fondly and formerly known as Prince. The best part of the strip tease, besides the obvious hairy, gyrating naked man in a purple thong, was the fact that he had taken the time to bedazzle my name in silver glitter to the front of his thong ensemble. MORAL: If you’re going to change your stage name…make sure it is something practical
Have a great hobby day!
Spikebaby
The Original Jenna of Dallas
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