oh nooooooooooooooooo

A depressed man


There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
__________________

Lmao!

A man walks into a bar looking a little distraught.


He walks up to the bartender and orders 12 shots of Tequilla.


As the bartender lines up the shots-- he looks at the man and says, "This is a lot of Tequila, brother. What's the occasion?"


The man looks at the bartender and says "Just had my first blowjob"


The bartender says "Congratulations man! Hey-- I'll tell you what, if you can get through 12 shots of tequila, the 13th one will be on the house! Whaddaya say?"


The guy looks up and says "I appreciate it, but if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, I don't think the 13th shot will be much help"

Nice. Sexy, and a sense of humor? Gotta love it...

I Love This. LMAO

Thanks Ladies.

There's just something about a woman that has a sarcastically caustic wit.

Both were great. They put a smile on my face.

asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."


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man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

There was this couple in their 70's.


The wife decided that it was her duty to try to spice things up-- so one night, she gets an adult superhero costume... runs into the bedroom and jumps on the bed yelling SUPER PUSSY!!


Her husband looks at her and says... "I'll have the soup".

Lol! As Larry the cable guy would say, "Thats funny right there, don't care who you are"! Well done Grace.....

Playing golf with a friend recently and when we approached the tee box we could see 4 women golfers. All 4 of them hit their tee shots into the woods. They then proceeded to hit their mulligans ob as well. As they walked off the tee one of them said "well looks like those fucking lessons were a waste of time." I couldn't
help myself and I replied "maybe you should have taken golf lessons."

A man got onto a subway in New York City and saw a beautiful buxom blonde crying her eyes out.



He sits down next to her and asks her what is wrong.



She says "I don't know if I should tell you-- I don't even know you".



He says "Well, maybe you'll feel better getting it off your chest to someone you'll never see again"


She takes a big breath and says "Ok-- well, I'm a nymphomaniac-- but I'm only attracted to Jewish cowboys. By the way, my name is Pam"


He says "That's ok ma'am.. I understand. My name is Bucky. Bucky Goldstein".

A man got onto a subway in New York City and saw a beautiful buxom blonde crying her eyes out.



He sits down next to her and asks her what is wrong.



She says "I don't know if I should tell you-- I don't even know you".



He says "Well, maybe you'll feel better getting it off your chest to someone you'll never see again"


She takes a big breath and says "Ok-- well, I'm a nymphomaniac-- but I'm only attracted to Jewish cowboys. By the way, my name is Pam"


He says "That's ok ma'am.. I understand. My name is Bucky. Bucky Goldstein". Originally Posted by Grace Preston

Well, you know what they say. "Save a horse, ride a cowboy"! Yee Ha!....

What do you call a sad cuo of coffee?


Depresso

A new CEO takes over at a struggling startup business and decides to get rid of all the employees that are slacking. On a tour of the office, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.

He can’t believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m just waiting to get paid,” responds the man.

Furious, the new CEO asks “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man replies, “I make about $300 a week. Why do you ask?”

The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, “Here’s four weeks’ pay, now get out right now and don’t come back.”

The young man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out of the office.

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?”

From across the room comes a loud voice, “Yes, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200.”