Cake and eat it too?

This may be a little deep for this forum, but I am curious if there are other hobbyists (and/or providers) in the same boat.

I started hobbying in the late 90's because, like many, I was in a boring, sexless marriage that finally ended in divorce.

A couple years after divorce, I met a great gal that I started seeing, and she moved in with me a couple of years ago. She's a bit younger, a hot, pretty, athletic, freakishly-flexible latina, (body similar to Samantha Trevi https://eccie.net/providers.php?do=view&id=416584), great sense of humor, almost perfect in every way, and the sex is better than any hobby experience.

When I met her, I quit hobbying altogether for a while, but then eventually...I came back to this site, and couldn't seem to pull myself away from the hobby completely.

Basically, I have everything I could possibly want at home (and I feel grateful and lucky), in my bed every night, but still feel the need for the variety that this hobby brings!

Most hobbyists I have talked to over the years do this to get what they are not getting at home, but is anyone else (hobbyists or providers) in the same situation? Very happy at home, but still seeking the variety and adventure?

I was never in that situation so what I say is possibly worthless. My SO (now past away) who I loved very dearly and had a great relationship both spiritually and in the BR. I traveled a lot and did hobby when out of town only. She was in a wreck 18 years ago and barely knew me, due to severe brain trauma. I still hobbied out of town for the most part just to make sure that there were no mistakes because I didn't want to hurt her.

Now IMO you need to look at yourself and ask "is it worth loosing this gem who is obviously dedicated to you?"...That answer will be your answer.

OP

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (WTF)

Listen to what Loveit is saying...do not lose what you have...

This might be the wrong place,
For you to inspect,
This question you're asking,
Will cost her respect.

Love needs time and attention,
Do not ever forget,
Just my opinion I mention,
Let not you regret.

Was there at at one point but now much closer to your pre divorce era.

Op- Your SO is probably getting some side piece herself.

who wants to have cake but not get to eat it?
you can see if she has any interest in the hobby, subtly. maybe a couples 3some?

This may be a little deep for this forum, but I am curious if there are other hobbyists (and/or providers) in the same boat.

I started hobbying in the late 90's because, like many, I was in a boring, sexless marriage that finally ended in divorce.

A couple years after divorce, I met a great gal that I started seeing, and she moved in with me a couple of years ago. She's a bit younger, a hot, pretty, athletic, freakishly-flexible latina, (body similar to Samantha Trevi https://eccie.net/providers.php?do=view&id=416584), great sense of humor, almost perfect in every way, and the sex is better than any hobby experience.

When I met her, I quit hobbying altogether for a while, but then eventually...I came back to this site, and couldn't seem to pull myself away from the hobby completely.

Basically, I have everything I could possibly want at home (and I feel grateful and lucky), in my bed every night, but still feel the need for the variety that this hobby brings!

Most hobbyists I have talked to over the years do this to get what they are not getting at home, but is anyone else (hobbyists or providers) in the same situation? Very happy at home, but still seeking the variety and adventure? Originally Posted by discreet_in_houston

Your wife is HOT,but men will be men thus the reason I stay single & I'd feel guilty as hell if I wasvp a provider and married/bf in this business,that being said I'll never marry or have a relationship!!!

#singleforever

Good luck Op, life works in mysterious ways some good,some bad,& some just happy with there life the way it is!!!

Just my .02cents

-Cendell M

I was never in that situation so what I say is possibly worthless. My SO (now past away) who I loved very dearly and had a great relationship both spiritually and in the BR. I traveled a lot and did hobby when out of town only. She was in a wreck 18 years ago and barely knew me, due to severe brain trauma. I still hobbied out of town for the most part just to make sure that there were no mistakes because I didn't want to hurt her.

Now IMO you need to look at yourself and ask "is it worth loosing this gem who is obviously dedicated to you?"...That answer will be your answer. Originally Posted by loveitdou

+1

This may be a little deep for this forum, but I am curious if there are other hobbyists (and/or providers) in the same boat.

I started hobbying in the late 90's because, like many, I was in a boring, sexless marriage that finally ended in divorce.

A couple years after divorce, I met a great gal that I started seeing, and she moved in with me a couple of years ago. She's a bit younger, a hot, pretty, athletic, freakishly-flexible latina, (body similar to Samantha Trevi https://eccie.net/providers.php?do=view&id=416584), great sense of humor, almost perfect in every way, and the sex is better than any hobby experience.

When I met her, I quit hobbying altogether for a while, but then eventually...I came back to this site, and couldn't seem to pull myself away from the hobby completely.

Basically, I have everything I could possibly want at home (and I feel grateful and lucky), in my bed every night, but still feel the need for the variety that this hobby brings!

Most hobbyists I have talked to over the years do this to get what they are not getting at home, but is anyone else (hobbyists or providers) in the same situation? Very happy at home, but still seeking the variety and adventure? Originally Posted by discreet_in_houston

^ based on your story it appears you're not happy and fulfilled in your personal but not sex life. You're not adequately accomplished or maybe better said involved in anything meaningful...and the real underlying issue it seems is that despite her fulfilling you in the bedroom in every way you do not love her..despite the fact that I personally believe you can love a person and still cheat... but with a caveat......the caveat is it doesn't usually happen when a person is totally fulfilled...especially in the bedroom. Sure guys cheat across a broad spectrum from regular Joe's, Athletes, Celebrities, Politicians you name it. However, if you're cheating under the backdrop of having everything you want and need in the bedroom then it likely means you don't respect women and view almost everyone you run across as a sexual object. That is extremely unhealthy and in my view the only thing you're challenging is Karma. Some may consider it bad enough to cheat on a significant other but there may be legit reasons so I tend to not overly judge those cases but your case is different and in a small minority of cases.

You can make the claim of desiring variety but do it the right way like Derek Jeter. Stay single and bang the baddest chics as you wish. Just don't tell me you have everything you could ever want at home but still want to screw others. You have no self control and it's a recipe for personal disaster.

Check out the late great Patrice Oneal...you can't make this claim. :-)

dp

Maybe your pursuit of hookers is more of a reflex than a desire? Regardless of which reason is closer to the truth, it's nearly inevitable that degradation of your relationship will follow. Not necessarily from getting busted; even if you believe you can conceal the infidelity from her it will still drag you down eventually. If you do eliminate whoring you wouldn't be doing it for her; you would do it for the both of you.

^ based on your story it appears you're not happy and fulfilled in your personal but not sex life. You're not adequately accomplished or maybe better said involved in anything meaningful...and the real underlying issue it seems is that despite her fulfilling you in the bedroom in every way you do not love her..despite the fact that I personally believe you can love a person and still cheat... but with a caveat......the caveat is it doesn't usually happen when a person is totally fulfilled...especially in the bedroom. Sure guys cheat across a broad spectrum from regular Joe's, Athletes, Celebrities, Politicians you name it. However, if you're cheating under the backdrop of having everything you want and need in the bedroom then it likely means you don't respect women and view almost everyone you run across as a sexual object. That is extremely unhealthy and in my view the only thing you're challenging is Karma. Some may consider it bad enough to cheat on a significant other but there may be legit reasons so I tend to not overly judge those cases but your case is different and in a small minority of cases.

You can make the claim of desiring variety but do it the right way like Derek Jeter. Stay single and bang the baddest chics as you wish. Just don't tell me you have everything you could ever want at home but still want to screw others. You have no self control and it's a recipe for personal disaster.

Check out the late great Patrice Oneal...you can't make this claim. :-)

Originally Posted by Sistine Chapel

That's deep. LOL. However, some guys are just serial cheaters, there's nothing wrong with them nor are they lacking anything at home. I have to disagree with you SC just because a guy is a serial cheater does not mean he isn't happy or fullfilled. Your judging this guy pretty hard, and this "case" is pretty normal and definitely not a minority.

.... some guys are just serial cheaters, there's nothing wrong with them nor are they lacking anything at home. .... Originally Posted by Alyssa71

I've noticed an upswing in the feline population as well especially after all the flooding. It's out of control.

Hey OP,

I had the same experience with marriage that you did. After my divorce, however, I've remained completely uncommitted. I've contemplated what to do if I ever find someone I really like.

I recommend a book called Sex at Dawn. The authors make a case (based on research) that sexual monogamy is not a biological instinct, not the "natural state" for human societies, and not imperative for social order. I find their arguments compelling.

That book helped clarify my thoughts about future relationships, which might be of interest to you:

1. I can't do sexual monogamy. Sure, for a few months, but that's it. The thing is - I need not feel bad about that. It isn't wrong. I don't need therapy. I'm not weird, lifelong sexual monogamy is weird.
2. I was dishonest and deceitful when I was married. I simply can't do that anymore. I'm tired of lying to people I care about.
3. If I'm not wired to be monogamous, and I'm tired of being dishonest about it, I will have to tell every woman I date exactly that.
4. That's going to lose me a lot of women. The vast majority, even. Fine. I'd rather not have a special someone if I have to hide my true nature from her.
5. I believe I can have a special someone with whom I share a life and a bed, and we can both enjoy sex with someone else from time to time. Instead of being dishonest about it, let's do it with integrity and have fun.

I can't tell you what to do. Since you've been dishonest with your partner, either directly or by omission, it is quite likely you will lose her if you tell her everything. If you continue to conceal it from her, you risk damage to your opinion of yourself, or so I suspect from your post.

You have to decide what is most important for you. Good luck. Read the book.