First Contact - Separates Men from Boys

This industry has changed so dramatically in the last 5 years ....
anyone who is a long time hobbyist know they have to up their game to "get what they want".

Screening is so up and down ... the resources ... dividing the "liars" from the "truth tellers".
Noticing the red flags ...
Tolerating the new kids on the block and their horrible Hobby Etiquette.
Learning how to stay sane while keeping your boundaries and such ...

So ... there is something to say about first contact.
Many dudes get weeded out immediately because of one liners .... or, acting like they already know you (calling you babe or sweetheart) ....
or asking about the menu ... etc., etc.

I guess we all have our preferences, but I can usually tell by first contact if this is someone I would be interested to see.

A nice greeting .... like, "Hello Torre ... I hope you are having a good day. I noticed your profile and was very impressed.
Please let me know what you need for screening as I would like to book an appointment with you in the near future."

NOT ....

• Hey babe ... you available today?
• Hello ...
• You're hot! Lets get together ..
• I wanna **** you .... interested?
• I'm on Eccie and have references .... are you available today?

Yeah ... that's just a few.
Cool your jets man! Just because your horny at the moment you gonna act a fool like that?
NOW ... note that I make exceptions for my regulars, ATFs and such.
After we hit it off ... and get to know each other, then the rule is out the window.
But first contact .... is a real reflection of your character and personality.

Again, some gals are less particular and that's all good
I'm just saying that most experienced and quality providers hit the "delete" button many many times.

Just something to think about before you send that text or email.

What are your thoughts on this ...
Does this come across as too persnickety or just careful of my time and intuitions?

I can only imagine the responses on this so I will just nip that in the butt.
**We just want to get a nut off and you should be thankful for the $$ (HA)!
**I don't have time to send a love letter ... so no thanks (Great! Not a match)!
**Looks like you're offering just what I need ... so I thought I would see if you would respond (Sorry .... Not enough read into that).

Someone had to say it. I gladly take it on.

Cheers!
Torre

What the heck are you doing in this business, Torre? You seem far too sensible to put up with it. But that same attitude problem you've identified above is very common in the singles world. Just because it's pay for play doesn't mean you get to skip the formalities and be a jerk. Establishing common ground and displaying some attractive personality is the best way to get a woman's attention. That's probably why we keep reading about the mongers who say it takes weeks or months for some providers to get back with them. Their delete button is getting worn out.

This is an interesting subject to me personally...



I am very particular when hobbying, having to manage extremely tight windows of opportunity, while trying to make contacts that will provide an enjoyable, non-mechanical experience.


Understanding, that my own situation is different than 99% of other hobbyists, and putting that aside, I have always felt that there is a severe lack of courtesy exhibited from both sides. The points the OP raised were both true and valid (IMO). Conversely, when I make my own formal introduction to a provider, I am very open and give very detailed information. I do this for several reasons:
1. I do not want to make an appointment, show up, and not be able to access the location (this has happened even AFTER providing plenty of info on my own accessibility needs)
2. Beyond the images shown in whatever photos maybe out there of the provider (assuming they are current, of course; a subject of many other threads), I want to see if my initial introduction message is met in kind, with a response beyond "How long?" "What day/time?"

3. I also want to see how long it takes to receive a response. I have my own opinion on what is a reasonable amount of time. Furthermore, no response is a clear message that the provider is not interested in seeing me (although it would be much better (and shows much more class) to simply reply, thank me for my message and say "I'm sorry, but I do not believe we are a good fit.").


When I hobby, I want an experience. Not necessarily a 3 Ring Circus experience, but Grace Preston has never disappointed me in that regard. LOL (Luv ya Grace!)
Back to the experience; unlike those simply trying to get a nut (nothing wrong with that, that is their business, and everyone's needs are different), I want to feel like I am welcome and there needs to be the illusion of passion and affection. This is what makes for good memories (hopefully for us both), and will open the door for future visits.


I get that is a business from the provider side. It would not hurt to make me feel appreciated as a client. And it all starts with that first impression...

Twenty years ago when the online hobby community was new, ladies and gents had a chance to get to know each other based on their online persona. There weren’t nearly as many of us, and the average sophistication level on both sides was higher than it is now (this was before mobile devices or even broad access to the internet).

The online hobby community is huge now, and it’s impossible to keep up with all the personalities. Hell, the membership here likely represents less than 10% of the folks that engage in P4P via online means. Twenty years ago it was more like 90%.

To me that explains why a thread like this one is important. Sadly, the guys that need to see it probably won’t since, like I said, most of those guys probably don’t participate on these boards.

This is an interesting subject to me personally...



I am very particular when hobbying, having to manage extremely tight windows of opportunity, while trying to make contacts that will provide an enjoyable, non-mechanical experience.


Understanding, that my own situation is different than 99% of other hobbyists, and putting that aside, I have always felt that there is a severe lack of courtesy exhibited from both sides. The points the OP raised were both true and valid (IMO). Conversely, when I make my own formal introduction to a provider, I am very open and give very detailed information. I do this for several reasons:
1. I do not want to make an appointment, show up, and not be able to access the location (this has happened even AFTER providing plenty of info on my own accessibility needs)
2. Beyond the images shown in whatever photos maybe out there of the provider (assuming they are current, of course; a subject of many other threads), I want to see if my initial introduction message is met in kind, with a response beyond "How long?" "What day/time?"

3. I also want to see how long it takes to receive a response. I have my own opinion on what is a reasonable amount of time. Furthermore, no response is a clear message that the provider is not interested in seeing me (although it would be much better (and shows much more class) to simply reply, thank me for my message and say "I'm sorry, but I do not believe we are a good fit.").


When I hobby, I want an experience. Not necessarily a 3 Ring Circus experience, but Grace Preston has never disappointed me in that regard. LOL (Luv ya Grace!)
Back to the experience; unlike those simply trying to get a nut (nothing wrong with that, that is their business, and everyone's needs are different), I want to feel like I am welcome and there needs to be the illusion of passion and affection. This is what makes for good memories (hopefully for us both), and will open the door for future visits.


I get that is a business from the provider side. It would not hurt to make me feel appreciated as a client. And it all starts with that first impression... Originally Posted by LuvOnWheels

HEY!!


Its only a two ring circus.


I can't juggle

"This one time, at circus camp..." Grace made me jump thru a flaming hoop...



Not to distract too far from OP''s post, perhaps it is a sign of the times.


We can only control our own attitudes, and to quote Robert Palmer, "a pretty face, don't make a pretty heart."


If we don't like how we are approached or responded to, then move on...


It would be nice though, OP, if we all behaved with more civility. Perhaps you will get an introduction message from me someday.

Why have I never met Torre? She has a very sexy soul.

Why have I never met Torre? She has a very sexy soul. Originally Posted by Cheburashka

Agree.

I can only imagine what it’s like to have multiple messages sent like that. Frankly, from our side, it can be daunting to navigate the particulars of ladies’ specific requests for initial contact. Then we include the situations where some ladies are requesting references at initial contact without confirmation or even a response. To me, that’s a big red flag. I’m not going to send out references on first contact without being given something back like a simple response (times, locations typical availability, appreciation for contact). For me, I need to narrow down where you are located so I can develop an excuse to get over there to play. Then we need to chat to get the ball rolling, reference checks, times/dates. Then again, I always find myself laughing at the “DoN’T MeSSaGe UNLess YoU’rE ReAdY tO bOoK!!!” lines on ads.

I’d rather not spam a bunch of inboxes as I am very selective for whom I choose to meet and contact. It’s never anything personal and I see it as a two way street. I need companionship, interest, appreciation and someone to hang out with, not someone for whom I need to wine and dine, do a song and dance, and get the okays from other providers just to get rejected. One time I wanted to meet with a provider and contacted her via PM, then Text, then back to PM to send her references. She then declined to meet because we both moved to DFW from the same state. If I show interest in meeting, I will do whatever it takes to make that happen with limits. There’s no feeling worse than meeting with a provider 5+ times, then taking a break for a little bit, messaging back and her not remembering who you are. I’ve also had great meetings with providers that sought me out. Going the extra mile to show interest will definitely result in my curiosity being piqued (hint)!

Why have I never met Torre? She has a very sexy soul. Originally Posted by Cheburashka

You’re missing out. She is the prime example of a true courtesan.

Interesting topic.

It is very easy to distinguish a gentleman from a boy and for that matter, a lady from a little girl.

I agree that the distasteful remarks and fool opening lines are no way to initiate a conversation, especially a first time contacting a provider.

But, the fact is, this hobby is not like any other "industry" as you want to call it. Guys do not need seduction skills (many do not have any which is why the only sex they get is because the have to pay for it or do without) nor really anything else other than he has the money for your donation and he good to go after your screening.

Speaking of screening and to turn the tables, ANY provider who takes to heart for screening the word of hobbyists about other hobbyists and/or the word of providers who have never seen a hobbyist in person let alone been with him BCD on an appointment for screening instead of providers he has seen for sessions then not only are you not the sharpest pencil in the drawer, but also the difference between a little girl and a lady. There are as many little girls as there are little boys in the hobby.

Torre once again you have hit the head on the nail,thats why I enjoy my time with you.

Yes, pleasurable introductions seem courteous and respectful, but I have had several providers say they do not care for the pleasantries, and prefer you get to the point for service. I know the ones I can say hello, and for all the others, I minimize the introduction and get to the point. It has changed, and I think the providers are the reason why it has changed. Think about that for a minute...

When we're talking email communication-- I do appreciate even an attempt at pleasantries. It isn't QUITE as important to me when it comes to PMs via the board, as I can peruse the posting history of a gent to see whether or not we might click and whether or not they might be problematic.

I love the "I saw you on the internet. You available "? At 3:51 am from some 685 area code...��