Funny Things Heard BCD

I think most of us can agree that it's best to not take yourself too seriously, and the number one place I've found that to be true is in the bedroom. In the interest of stirring up some quotable quotes, I'll start off with a few of my favorites - tongue FIRMLY in cheek.

RG: That was the best blowjob I've ever had in my life.
CF: Really?
RG: Hell yeah, you sucked my brains out through my dick!
CF: *lol*

...

CF: Holy God, that's a lot of cum!
RG: Uh...
CF: That's not a pearl necklace, that's a freaking pearl VEST.
RG: *lol*

...

Okay, I know I'm not the only one, let's have some fun with this!

What's the Square Root of 69?



8 Something..................... .....!

^^^^^^

8.3066239

No thread killing, DG! I'm absolutely serious about lack of seriousness!

That is one hot avatar photo, Vixen. Seriously.

%*&$% *@%*!... I haven't cum like that in years!!! Now what was your name?





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Aww, shucks, NorthWood, that's just me in a bathroom, nothing special.
Okay, back on topic! This is not a threAD, I really want some funny sex quotes, people! Aaaaaaaaaand - GO!!!

A waitress in a caberrett introduced me to a dancer who purportedly gave an awesome bbbj, so off to the back we go.

She is on her knees when her phone rings:

Dancer: ( with mydick in her mouth) just giving this guy a blow job.
I don't know, I'll ask. Hey babe, what's your name?
CB: (standing up). I'm gone.
Dancer ( to caller). Gone something, strange name.

"No baby, I don't want to go to the theatre"

Said by a really newbie providor after doing a little, very little, ball licking while I jack off and cum.

"Wow, I am a real freak!"

Yeah, i know the jokes on me.

Provider: "Sucking your cock is making my eyes tear up.."

Me: "I have tears in my eyes too!"

Provider: That thing is huge

Me: where are your glasses?

Provider: no really that thing is huge, it gets bigger every time I see it, you taking pills or something?

Me: I did not know they had pills for that.

Her: yes they do

Me: where can I get them?

( I was telling her what a good job she was doing there, so I guess she needed to compliment me..... I am far from having a big dick)

While beginning a BJ, a fellow asked, "Had a lot of practice with that Hoover, have you?"
My mumbled reply was, "Would you like me to show you what I can do with a broom?"
"Noooooooo," he said, "Just keep vacuuming."
I wanted to retort (but didn't), "Next time, dude, shampoo your carpet first."

Ready to part the Red Sea Moses?

OMG, what are you hitting? No ones ever hit that spot before.

I found the secret spot!

Shut up, I'm going to cum...............again.