humiliation?

as a submissive, i do enjoy some mild humiliation. for me, and this is only my opinion, it goes too far when it is used to be truly hurtful and/or only intended to really degrade. i would be interested in getting the varied inputs from all the esteemed dominants and submissives who post here. who all enjoys giving/receiving humiliation as part of their play? where would you draw the line?

i can't say why exactly i enjoy thoughts of some mild humiliation, but i do. i consider myself self-confident and well-rounded. i do think it ties in with the giving up of control which i obviously like as a submissive.

i believe one of the reasons i enjoy receiving golden showers is that there is a humilation aspect to it amongst other things. i also enjoy some name calling, like being called "a little slut", etc. i have to admit that when i go out and buy my femme clothing and lingerie that i feel a surge of excitement of thinking that the sales clerk probably knows that i'm buying it for me. someone once suggested a site to me called "the frugal domme". that site has a section of articles about bdsm with a couple of the articles having several excellent suggestions for humiliation play. one suggested theme, involves a domme shopping with her male submissive and letting the sales person know that the femme items are for the submissive---for example, holding a pair of sexy panties while the sales person is around and saying to the submissive "these will look so good on you". personally, i would love that. and that exposes the dichotomy---how being embarrassed can also be quite exciting.

again, i would enjoy seeing other points of view concerning this subject and i'm sure there are some real life examples that we all may find interesting.

Humiliation is going to vary person to person. I do agree with you about how there are ok forms of humiliation, and hurtful/spiteful.

One maxim I've always followed (related to your shopping humiliation example) is that it is rude to involve other people in your kink scenes if they have not first consented. That would mean going into a Victoria's Secret store with your domme and her humiliating you in front of the salesgirl by putting up panties to your waist to see how they would look on you. Since she did not consent to this, it's non-consensual and violates one of the basic tenets of the lifestyle. Now, had your domme already set something up with her, or made sure she would not feel offended, then that's a different story.

If you were to go to a GWNN party, dressed in a maids uniform and on your domme's leash, you might feel humiliated. But because you are in a setting where one expects similar acts, that would not fall into the non-consensual addition of strangers to your scene.

I've always tried to steer clear of involving perfect strangers in my kink because I think its disrespectful to them.

That's a very good point, Krunkman. I think perhaps it might depend on the store you are in. Victoria's Secret is mainstream. Now saying something within earshot of a sales clerk at Electric Boutique in Dallas might be more acceptable.

As to the humiliation topic in general, I do like it as a form of PLAY. I am not a lifestyler. I am a playstyler. The whole thing is about having fun and being excited. Anything truly cruel is not my cup of tea. Boundaries and acceptable words need to be discussed and then refined with an understanding, intelligent, sensitive domme. For me at least. I suppose others would prefer it to be harsh.

One maxim I've always followed (related to your shopping humiliation example) is that it is rude to involve other people in your kink scenes if they have not first consented. That would mean going into a Victoria's Secret store with your domme and her humiliating you in front of the salesgirl by putting up panties to your waist to see how they would look on you. Since she did not consent to this, it's non-consensual and violates one of the basic tenets of the lifestyle. Now, had your domme already set something up with her, or made sure she would not feel offended, then that's a different story.

If you were to go to a GWNN party, dressed in a maids uniform and on your domme's leash, you might feel humiliated. But because you are in a setting where one expects similar acts, that would not fall into the non-consensual addition of strangers to your scene.

I've always tried to steer clear of involving perfect strangers in my kink because I think its disrespectful to them. Originally Posted by Krunkman

i completely agree with you on this. the situation i mentioned was hypothetical, but if it was to go off as i described it, that would not be right.

i also believe the point you brought up also speaks to fantasies. specifically, whether they can really be played out vs. when they should remain just a fantasy. the tenet you brought up applies---if the living out of a fantasy is going to involve a non-consentual situation with an innocent party, it should remain just a fantasy.

i completely agree with you on this. the situation i mentioned was hypothetical, but if it was to go off as i described it, that would not be right.

i also believe the point you brought up also speaks to fantasies. specifically, whether they can really be played out vs. when they should remain just a fantasy. the tenet you brought up applies---if the living out of a fantasy is going to involve a non-consentual situation with an innocent party, it should remain just a fantasy. Originally Posted by missi hart

Yah... I agree with me too!

And I do understand your hypothetical position.

I was wondering about something kind of similar. I am still exploring how I can be so sweet in "real life" but such a sadist during personal play or p4p. BUT the thought of doing something to someone without consent or humiliating them just for my own benefit sickens me.

Humiliation is going to vary person to person. I do agree with you about how there are ok forms of humiliation, and hurtful/spiteful.

One maxim I've always followed (related to your shopping humiliation example) is that it is rude to involve other people in your kink scenes if they have not first consented. That would mean going into a Victoria's Secret store with your domme and her humiliating you in front of the salesgirl by putting up panties to your waist to see how they would look on you. Since she did not consent to this, it's non-consensual and violates one of the basic tenets of the lifestyle. Now, had your domme already set something up with her, or made sure she would not feel offended, then that's a different story.

If you were to go to a GWNN party, dressed in a maids uniform and on your domme's leash, you might feel humiliated. But because you are in a setting where one expects similar acts, that would not fall into the non-consensual addition of strangers to your scene.

I've always tried to steer clear of involving perfect strangers in my kink because I think its disrespectful to them. Originally Posted by Krunkman

I generally keep humiliation play private for that very reason. Every sub I've been with has had a different tolerance level for this type of play; finding the right balance takes communication and a feel for the other person's psyche that only comes with time.

One public thing that I have done is take a sub to an upscale restaurant, specifying that she wear a nice dress, then tell her to take off her panties and hand them to me under the table without leaving her seat.

And I have an odd mental quirk that makes it hard for me to call a sub (or anyone else for that matter) names. I just can't seem to make myself call her a slut or any other epithet. For subs who get off on name calling I work around it by forcing them to call themselves names, usually with a false choice. For example, when she gets to the point of begging permission to come, I may say, "I'm sorry, but I'm only allowing dirty little sluts to come today." False choice: she can call herself a dirty little slut and get permission to come, she can not come, or she can come without permission and take her punishment.

And now I'm just rambling.

Mental and Emotional Soundness
Throughout this list is a theme of general steadiness and soundness of character recognizable in good Men and Masters. Mental and emotional soundness is very important in potential Masters. In being surrendered to a Master we are making ourselves vulnerable and it is wise to know when we enter into this kind of commitment that the person we are making ourselves vulnerable to is in a position to be a proper keeper and user of that vulnerability. A man who is overly emotional or shows signs of being mentally unstable is probably not the best choice for a Master. If you are getting into the lifestyle Pick wisely not everyone who claims to be a D is...I am not into abusive men...
I can tell right away if someone is going to use whatever Deep dark fear I have against me and hurt me.
thats not fun.

This is simply a list of things that are good to consider when seeking a Man/woman to serve. I believe that if more girls/men would take the time prior to entering any kind of BD relationship to honestly consider what is most natural to them and seek Masters who likewise embrace natural order, their inherent position of authority, and exhibit the characteristics of good, stable keepers, we'd see far less confusion and many more content females/Males living happy, productive lives!
I dont want to offend anyone in Public, what I do behind close doors stays that way...
I claim to be a Sub but I find myself changing roles...
I would never Hurt my Sub....
I make fantasties come true...
there are limits to everything...find out what yours are and express them, then you will have an enjoyable time...
skys the limits after that....

I'm not big on humilition, maybe a bit of scolding while being spanked; depending on the role play... words hurt and can not be taken back, even in a role play situation...
i guess good communication prior to play would be very important and communication afterwards as well.