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I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said “Look – twins!”
I was so ugly my mother breast fed me through a straw.
I was so ugly when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I was so ugly my dad carried around pictures of the kid that came with the wallet.
I was so ugly my mother got morning sickness after I was born.
I was so ugly I went to the proctologist and he stuck his fingers in my mouth.
I was so ugly when I worked in a pet shop, people kept asking how big I would get.
I was so ugly when I went to the doctor and said, "Doc, every morning I wake up, look in the mirror and throw up. What's wrong?" The doctor said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."