When a reference goes bad

Every now and then references come back as good, yet the experience with the gentlemen isn't so impressive or even acceptable.

I've also found myself surprised when someone who treated me awful actually used me as a reference for other companions. I wanted to write him: "If you want me to answer their emails, I will, but I'll be honest. Keep that in mind next time you use me." However, I thought against it. It's better he continue using me and I am able to warn the ladies about what they can expect.

I twice referred gentlemen to companions I thought they'd enjoy, and had them come back with disappointed comments regarding unethical actions - which I appreciated. A little research gave me good reason to believe they were telling the truth, and I no longer sent gentlemen callers their way.

Do you write the people that gave you the good reference that ended in a bad date to update them on accurate expectations?

"Someone who treated me awful actually used me as a reference for other companions."

This bothers me. How come you allowed that? Or keep getting in that situation? I really don't mean that disrespectfully, it sounds really disturbing.

PS Further reply - with all the ass kissing and fakery that goes on in review land, maybe women feel pressured into speaking well of bad men.

"Someone who treated me awful actually used me as a reference for other companions."

This bothers me. How come you allowed that? Or keep getting in that situation? I really don't mean that disrespectfully, it sounds really disturbing. Originally Posted by Leah Ireland

You lost me, allow what? I did state that I told the women exactly the truth when they contacted me looking for information about him. I didn't mislead anyone. I just never warned the guy that I'd be honest when he used me as a referral.

PS Further reply - with all the ass kissing and fakery that goes on in review land, maybe women feel pressured into speaking well of bad men. Originally Posted by Leah Ireland

I don't think so. I think they may have been good to one woman, used her as a reference, and then treated another one poorly. That's why I'm wondering if women would welcome updated feedback.

Personalities are different. You can't expect everyone to have the same experience or "click". I only offer basic info in references: clean, polite, on time, respectful of boundries. That's pretty much anyone needs to know. Even if I didn't really like the client ( personality clash), I keep that to myself...he may seem wonderful to the next lady.

I had a friend share with me an opposite issue. A gentleman gave "lady X" as a reference. When my friend call this provider, "lady X" said, "don't see him, he's a creep." Then "lady X" contacted client and said, "I'm available." But, the client wanted to see my friend. My friend checked out all his other references and they all were good. So, now it seems "lady X" just wanted him all for herself.

That is just WRONG!

Personalities are different. You can't expect everyone to have the same experience or "click". I only offer basic info in references: clean, polite, on time, respectful of boundries. That's pretty much anyone needs to know. Even if I didn't really like the client ( personality clash), I keep that to myself...he may seem wonderful to the next lady. Originally Posted by Nicole Preston

In my case it wasn't about click, it was bad behavior. However, you make a good point.

I had a friend share with me an opposite issue. A gentleman gave "lady X" as a reference. When my friend call this provider, "lady X" said, "don't see him, he's a creep." Then "lady X" contacted client and said, "I'm available." But, the client wanted to see my friend. My friend checked out all his other references and they all were good. So, now it seems "lady X" just wanted him all for herself.

That is just WRONG! Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

Yes I've heard of that!! Ladies giving bad references to keep their regulars from straying. Jeeze, if you met him in this world expecting monogamy is a bit much!

As a Tux how do we know how we are referenced, too? Somewhere in there lies the truth. I guess from our end we should offer more than two references for just 'Colette's circumstance. Yikes.

As a Tux how do we know how we are referenced, too? Somewhere in there lies the truth. I guess from our end we should offer more than two references for just 'Colette's circumstance. Yikes. Originally Posted by SR Only

References are not that common in Canada, but I’d hope you would know what the reference would be before you asked. Or another way, only use as references those you know well enough that you know what the reference will be.

It's like a job reference, you don't necessarily know what an employer/HR person might say. Yes, there are laws regarding that, but people talk anyway. Definitely no laws covering our info dissemination.

I would think as long as you are always respectfull, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about

I have a long "do not see" list. Those same guys call all the time and ask "why won't you see me? Is there a problem?"....well if you have to ask!!

unethical actions?

..

It's like a job reference, you don necessarily know what an employer/HR person might say. Yes, there are laws regarding that, but people talk anyway. Definitely no laws covering our info dissemination. Originally Posted by SR Only

True, and part of the issue Lauren faced may have been caused by the gentlemen not knowing that appropriate reference protocol, here & in the professional world requires that you ask your reference if it is ok to be used as a reference, implicit in that is that it is it is positive.

At a minimum it involves asking beforehand ("Hey Bob, I've enjoyed working for you when we were at XYZ Corp. Do you mind if I use you as a referece as I look at new opportunities?"). Even better is, after getting permission, letting them know you used them ("Hey Bob, just a quick email as a heads up to let you know you may get a call from Mary Smith, VP of Marketing at JKL Corp. My firm is bidding on some exciting business involving ..... It is a great opportunity for us ..... I hope you'll give her a few minutes .... Look forward to catching up at the next ....."). This improves the chances that he takes the call. More importantly it gives him some idea how to position you and gives her credibility. Likewise, "Hey Gina, hope this finds you well. I really enjoyed seeing you last month....You may get a call or email from Angie of Austin...as you might have guessed she is based in Austin&, highly regarded despite having a no review policy. She also is active on eccie.net.....I'm hoping to see her for an afternoon when I'm there next month....I hope you'll give me a thumbs up" (& since Angie is UTR, she probably doesn't have a website, but if she did I'd include a link)

PS Further reply - with all the ass kissing and fakery that goes on in review land, maybe women feel pressured into speaking well of bad men. Originally Posted by Leah Ireland

That makes sense...also Men will not speak ill of ladies that have all their personal info. It's a two way street. There are so damn many agenda's you can't even tell if a damn thread is some damn implied threat!

Personalities are different. You can't expect everyone to have the same experience or "click". I only offer basic info in references: clean, polite, on time, respectful of boundries. That's pretty much anyone needs to know. Even if I didn't really like the client ( personality clash), I keep that to myself...he may seem wonderful to the next lady. Originally Posted by Nicole Preston

Girl you should be on the ''Hobby Panel of Common Sense''.