Naughty Photo

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast.

Now that was just waaaaaaaaaay too funny! One helluva smart guy!

LOL Baby Dallas !!! ................

A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.

The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.

The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.

The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.

George had responded to a call from his lawyer, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.

"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.

"Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first."

"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."

"That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news."

"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

A man comes home very depressed and tells his wife that he has lost his job and that their stock portfolio is in the toilet. In their early 60's he is certain that they will have to retire to a trailer in Florida.

She takes him by the hand and leaders him to the window of their apartment. "Bill- see that building over there? We own it. Also, the apartment tower on the corner and a shopping center uptown. In fact, we have over 30 commercial and residential properties all doing well. So- do not worry."

He is dumbfounded and asks how it could be possible. "Well, remember when we got married and you said you were going to put $10 in the jar every time we had sex? Well, I have been investing."

Scratching his head, he answers, "Marge- how could you possibly turn that amount of money into a real estate empire?" She smiled sweetly and answered "Well, Bill... not everyone is as cheap as you are.

LMAO!! Good ones!!!

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight.
While enroute to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For 100 dollars, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man.
The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?"
The cabby said, "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before he catches a cold."

BJ MOOD KILLERS BY MISS PENNY PRUDE

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to come on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls -if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games, smoke a cigarette,watch tv...ect.... immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV, smoke a cigarette, drink, ect....
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."

LMAO I think she needs SOME!!

LOL Baby D.....
A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)
1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

LMAO! That`s right!

Hmmmm.... Mentorship, perhaps?

Thanks SnL !!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Dont cha just LOVE JOKES!

There were three working ladies living together: a mother, daughter and grandmother.
One night the daughter came home looking very down. "How did you do tonight, dear?" asked her mother.
"Not too good." replied the daughter, "I only got 20 dollars for a bj"
"Wow!" said the mother, "In my day we gave a bj for 5 dollars!"
"Good God!" said the Grandmother, "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"

LMAO!!! : ) LOVE IT!!!

Hmmmm.... Mentorship, perhaps?

Thanks SnL !! Originally Posted by MrGiz

with that smokin hot body I seriously doubt she needs anything from me

with that smokin hot body I seriously doubt she needs anything from me Originally Posted by Sweet N Little