Is it ok to be smitten with your ATF? Is it bad to tell her?

I have spent a good bit of time with my ATF lately and I fear I may have said too much and have spooked her. I have never been one to look for a quick date and have long searched for a provider with whom I can hobby with consistently; i have found the one i desire. I am unavailable for a relationship and I know she has absolutely no desire for anything other than a a professional relationship with me. When our session is over I kindly fuck off and get back to my life and do not impose on hers. Given this, is it bad to reveal what is my true sentiment while in our sessions? I already have and think I have screwed things up. I have merely told her how beautiful she is and that I have a huge crush on her.

With what I do for a living I am expected to be all business and on point 7 days/wk. I can't even escape it in the confines of my own farm. When I am before this goddess I just melt. I hate that I may have to don a facade when in our sessions and not let my strength of character allow me to be open and vulnerable. Maybe this is just a bit much for this beautiful young lady. What ever I have to be for her I will be.


Ladies, any thoughts? Am I just a weirdo?

Any thoughts? You just opened yourself a big ole can of worms.

I will openly admit to being completely smitten with my ATF, a handsome man who has admitted to having a big ole crush on me as well. He's the one client that I kept in contact with through retirement and the one who has my free time tied-up with the recent trip. Pretty much anything he says makes my panties and heart melt simultaneously and he's probably one of the reasons I've never had any regrets about my history as a provider.

THAAAAAT being said, just because a girl is your ATF, it hardly means that you are hers. I have a small following of clients who have fallen for me in one way or another. I still get filthy emails and super romantic emails, although they're usually a mix of the two, from these boys and they often make me somewhat uncomfortable (mostly the proclamations that they want to marry me up or date me properly). And it's kind of unfair, because they're the same lines that I'm fed by my ATF who makes me melt, but said by someone else, they raise red flags.

I think in your scenario, as an attached male, there are three scenarios that are possible. First, she is completely smitten with you as well. Beyond hobby-world, she totally RW feels you and wants to flirt you up. Then she might get a little too needy and pull at your RW strings and you'd feel bad about speaking up in the first place (if you wanted a true mistress, why would you be here?). Next, she might be super business-savvy and be great at fielding such proclamations of crush-hood and use that to make your bank account tied to her needs. You will certainly enjoy the ride, but feel sad and ultimately used with the results. Finally, what I think is my most likely scenario, she'll hear you out and feel a bit weirded out (especially since you are unavailable) and the red flags will raise and she'll be a little less excited to see you, a little bit more distant when she does see you, or she'll cut you off all together.

My advice is to stick the light romantic proclamations in the middle of the make-out session and the most severe ones right before the O. I'm confident that exactly three men have ever truly loved me, yet probably 50 have made such proclamations when my mouth was on them. If you save it for the sex, she can just brush off your interest as you being "caught up in the moment" and not feel too moved by it and you can feel happy about being open and honest.

If you've already broken the ground, as you say that you might have, then I'd suggest distance. You don't have to hobby so much in her absence, but she will continue to work in yours. When six months have passed and you have a better game face, try it again and hopefully she'll be thrilled to see an old friend.

I hear you. I know she is an intelligent, strong young woman who needs nothing from me. I have never assumed I am her ATF, and I am sure I will never be her ATF.

I do not expect anything outside our sessions and I will never proclaim to want to date her in the RW or marry her. I also don't do erotic emails.


Man, so sad things have to be this way. I hope she will just placate me; She can use me and play me all she wants. I'd play along and I wouldn't ever complain.


Thanks for the insight. I just wanted to find someone i could openly like and be nice and generous to. Damn, after searching so long I really fucked up.

Oh we'll, there is one other I have had my eye on for a while, but somehow I doubt she'll be able to stack up to the fantasy of my current ATF I have built in my mind or the true complexity of character my ATF has. She is truly wonderful. I admit, I have been very selfish with all this; I have seen her often lately because I appreciate her and I want her RW life to be light, happy and full of beauty and abundance. My hobby business is all I can offer her and all I do offer. If she'll see me once more I'll be very generous for the short, temporary good bye.

Damn, the wooden stake in my heart sure aches, but I guess it's what I deserve.

Mistake #1 telling her. Doubt she'll return comms now. #2 posting this is like a big yellow hazard sign. I predict a handle change, here's a couple suggestions, Love'em Leave'em / Find'em Feel'em Fuck'em Forget'em!

Why do things have to be so cold-hearted? Maybe this guy just likes this girl. He's attached for god's sake! Sounds to me like he just wants to show some genuine appreciation and humanity.

I feel for ya MM. I hope she understands. Whoever she is, she sounds awesome.

Really why should it matter that she turns me on and i think she is a cool chick? That's what this is about, right? Oh well, if her and I are done I will eventually find another i like who likes the income enough to put up with my compliments, and that has all that this has been. No matter what runs through my heart, it will never go anywhere, I'll make sure of that. As I said above, I do not bother her outside our sessions, with the exception of a text here and there to schedule our next session. I don't even live in the same town!

If a provider that I favor cannot handle a little courtesy, heart and appreciation then someone else is deserving of the benefit that comes with it, and if I like them I see them often.

I really dislike having to be all business in this. I am often disappointed at people's lack of humanity, character and maturity.

I appreciate the input here. I needed a good kick in the ass to set me straight. I dig this girl, but I think I am good now. She would be losing a consistent asset by running me off and she's a top dollar babe.

I am interested in input from others who are/have been in the same boat, providers and hobbyists, if they dare...

I guess if I am fortunate enough to see her again, I'll just keep my mouth shut --- er, will just keep my tongue working, put the boots to her, give her a smile and hit the door. I know that's all that has ever been wanted from me in the first place, I just like making pretty women happy...about the tongue thing, she has said," You spoil me." Yeah babe, I do my best.

I'd like to thank the ladies who sent me encouraging pm's and those who talked to me. I know I am being a dumbass, and I may just be overreacting.

If I do not hear from her again, I will definitely give you ladies a call.

MM

It's natural to develop a crush on provides you feel a connection with. I have had two that i really enjoyed time with. I however did not tell then had crush. I didnt want to make them think I was a love sick puppy. I do compliment them on how beautiful they are. I think it is important to remind all women you find beautiful that you appreciate there beauty as well as conversation with them. When you connect with a provider on a higher personality level thats what adds to the gfe portion for me. So dont let it get you down. If she doesn't contact you back she has her reasons and just respect that she may have not felt as you did.

Thanks JDC. It helps knowing others have experienced much the same thing.

Ok, giving up now. I think I'll see what Kiera is up to.

I'd like to thank the ladies who sent me encouraging pm's and those who talked to me. I know I am being a dumbass, and I may just be overreacting.

If I do not hear from her again, I will definitely give you ladies a call. Originally Posted by munchman350

You are no dumb ass, just shows that male threADs work !!!
You lucky dumb ass !!!

Crush or Attachment? Don't all providers want all of there clients to have a crush or lust after them. Don't they want you to fall in love with there body and how they make you feel when they with you. I would say that is what there job really is. To make you feel so good that you want to see them again and again and again.

That being said what they don't want is for you to get attached, jealous, territorial, creepy and or stocking them. The way I see it an hour session is just that an hour where you can fully enjoy the FANTASY of the relationship. Its an hour where you can let it all out with your fantasy lover. But when the hour is over your just friends or acquaintances and thats it. Nothing should run over the hour time unless you paid for a longer session.

This is there business and its not too different from going to a movie and enjoying it fully and when the movie is over you need to leave and let them clean up for the next group of people who paid to watch the movie.

Don't let you emotions get in the way of enjoying your time. After your time is up start building up a fantasy that you can play out the next time you see them. Its unfair to them to make it anything more than that. I think JennsLolli said it best. If the girl likes you then its sexy but if your ugly or unattractive to the girl then its creepy and your a pervert.

That's just how I see it. But from reading everything you said it just sounds like you were in session and you said she was beautiful and you liked her. That't not that much. I have said a whole lot more but again its a fantasy. Most providers know that. I don't think you fucked up anything. Just go with it. Schedule another appointment and go again. As long as your not trying to see them after hours take her to dinner, get involved with her daughter, or get involved with her person life which isn't any of our business. Then I don't think she would even care if you told her you loved her while you were fucking her. You love the way she feels. You in love with the way she makes you feel and how much better your life is that you get to spend an hour a week with her. And leave it at that. If you don't bug here outside of a session then why would she care or get crept out. Than normally happens when a guy starts wanting to do things out of session or won't stop texting them.

Trust me after 10 years spending a lot of money with a lot of strippers and providers all they care about is that your nice, not annoying and that you pay them and leave them alone after your time with them. Other than that you should be able to do or say anything you want while your with them. There are a lot of bad clients out there. One who says that there pretty and I like you isn't going to scare them off.

Kiera a cool chick but she seems busy with life so sometimes she is hard to get ahold of so keep that in mind. If It were me I would go see her today and have more fun. That's what this is all about anyway.

MM350 you're not alone. Has happened to me many times. Second date I played this song for one provider:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feEBEpDLTKI

She did it - lol

As long as it happens within the confines of your BCD meetings with her, then what you've described sounds OK to me. When it's time to leave, you drive away happy and anticipate more the next time. If you want to continue seeing her BCD, I would suggest avoiding non-BCD get-togethers such as dinner. Sounds like you are doing fine in that area. Some may disagree, but lines can become vague and distorted. Once that happens, meeting BCD could become uncomfortable. I've had it happen. And I know several who have done the same and regret it. If you really have great BCD chemistry, I would leave it BCD.

Now, as for being smitten, it happens to me probably a couple of times a year. I meet a lady who honestly makes me wish I were 20 years younger, and I wind up seeing her four times in the first month. In fact, that happened in the first few months of this year. This particular provider is among the hottest and sweetest I've seen in 10 years of hobbying. Kissing is nonstop and the illusion of passion is off the charts. It doesn't take much of that to make even the most jaded of us wonder ... what if. But then, 99 percent of us are snapped back to reality within a few minutes -- as we should be.

I have absolutely no thoughts or intentions beyond the door of a provider's incall. It stops there and I return the next time full of anticipation. But during those meetings, things can occasionally seem as real as the real thing. And that is why I hobby.

Keep it fun and keep it all in perspective.

"If a provider that I favor cannot handle a little courtesy, heart and appreciation then someone else is deserving of the benefit that comes with it, and if I like them I see them often.

I really dislike having to be all business in this. I am often disappointed at people's lack of humanity, character and maturity.

I appreciate the input here. I needed a good kick in the ass to set me straight. I dig this girl, but I think I am good now. She would be losing a consistent asset by running me off and she's a top dollar babe.

I am interested in input from others who are/have been in the same boat, providers and hobbyists, if they dare..."

Oh I LOVE a good dare! Thank you for the challenge!

I agree w/ you that it is disappointing that it all has to be about business - for me, personally, It IS about the humanity whether you wrap it up in lingerie or not.
There are some men that I meet and have met in this 'hobby' (going back, off and on for 13 years) that had me at 'Hello' and others who won my affection/appreciation as I got to know them. I dated a few and married one of them - that is another thread, tho'. *wink* There are times when I realize that the attraction (for me, at least) is so intense, or that I find the man compelling that I am relieved there are boundaries.

I am committed to NOT being in a serious relationship right now for a variety of reasons and I just don't have the time to 'date' exclusively. When I am approached by a client, who obviously enjoys my company and wants to spend more time w/ me, I am flattered and not threatened if he has a crush.
The problem is that my stress level will go through the roof if I go against the commitment I have made to be single/not date and then am taking time, off the clock, to do just that. Make sense? Otherwise, I am conflicted because I NEED to be making an income (several different ways besides being a provider), need to be working on other projects I am committed to completing and living out my purpose (and no, it isn't limited to giving a great bj - ha!) If a gentleman wants to spend time together and is willing to pay me for that time, then I am mentally freed up to relax and be fully with him. We can adore the heck out of each other - with out it being a bf/gf thing and I don't have to worry about hurting his feelings by turning down his offers of spending time together (I am a softy and hate bruising a man's ego).

So, yes, you are normal for feeling that way - it happens more often than people admit. Connections happen. Attraction happens. Crushes happen. As I grow older (more mature) I find it easier to just 'love' people and let that love flow from my heart. One of the things I recently realized about my own personal growth is that when I surround myself w/ amazing people who are full of life, love, growth, joy, wonder and intention - I fall in love 20 times a day, as I hear their stories and see the beauty in who they are.

As a provider, I find it frees me to see the heart of the person who seeks me out and prevents me from going through the motions. It also seems to influence who seeks me out. I am not a 'notch on your belt' provider because I am older and don't have what most consider a 'hot' body - so the men who seek me out are usually looking for more than just the 'flavor of the month' and that is how I like it.

I am rambling, I know But, I want you to know that I appreciate your willingness to risk being open on here *shock* *intimacy on a board that is about intimacy??omg!!!Nooooooooo!!!! !*

Imagine that...honesty and transparency...finally something real *omg*

Aphrodite - the proverbial thread killer - ha!

I've been seeing my ATF for nearly 7 years. I have grown to adore her and she knows it. And I know I am special to her as well. Makes what we do when together all the more spectacular, intense, and uninhibited. We've both brought each other to a level of understanding about sex and intimacy that neither of us expected. Tried things we never expected. Learned things we thought we'd never know. Never judging. We're both mature enough to know there are certain, unspoken lines not to be crossed between hobby and real life, and those boundaries are just fine with me. Perfection.