Communication and Connection

A subject near and dear to me

Communication. Contact. Connection. It never ceases to amaze me how providers view those things. Mostly Badly. (There are some notable exceptions... Gemma for example - when she's being nice, lol, among others... ) Feel free to chime in.

I'll speak personally, I'm initially attracted by where you fit into my "niche." I can get laid, as many of us can... I'm paying for something else. I'm an avowed heels and stockings guy, and I usually want to establish a longer term relationship than "I'm on my way." So I'll admit I'm picky, I've sent providers home for baiting and switching, or drama (and I usually offer gas money or something)... mostly drama.

So I like to avoid drama by having a conversation or two, getting to know you, and feel out your mood... and how you communicate. If your first thought is, "when do you want to set up an appointment," and then when I respond that I'm seeing whether I want to or something like that... you kill the conversation and tell me, "Well just get back in touch with me when you want to schedule" and act like you're annoyed. I'm probably not scheduling.

See, I understand that you might look beautiful in your pics, but I may not be able to stand you in person. It happens.

The largest erogenous zone is the BRAIN! That starts with the first time you hear someone's voice, the first time they ask a question, the first text, the first words they see from you... Put yourself in their shoes. They are giving you their money, a lot for some people who save up so they could see a provider and brighten their day.

You are creating an image.... a fantasy....a world they can put themselves in and feel better about their lives. If you don't create that from the first interaction, you will lose out to someone who does... every time. Really, that's what you're getting paid for... time in a fantasy land. Fun fun fun!

Sure, some guys will convince themselves that the hot 22 yr old who did cartwheels and treated them like crap is actually AWESOME. Cognitive dissonance is real, and makes people justify the amount of money they spent, and makes them not want to seem like an idiot for seeing a provider that wasn't really fun... so they believe it was better than it was. But it doesn't last... most move on to someone else.

The standard response is "time-wasting" or some variation on a theme. Developing clients is not a waste of time, its integral for good business development. In this business, word of mouth (or good words about your mouth), is GOLD in your pocket. You want more business, get the word spreading positively! Business 101.

I've been accused of it.. .but I've also spent more money than I care to admit making some providers happy in the decades I've been in and around it. I've also worked with providers who turned their careers around and are earning a very lucrative living, all because they learned how to communicate. Go figure!

Another response is I don't have time. What are you doing with your day if you're not developing your business? Perspective. You're asking for a level of wages requested by people with several degrees, medical doctor level compensation per hour for some of you... think about how much time other professionals put in on client development.

Lastly, You think you know how to communicate because you speak some variation of English... you're missing the point.

Customer service training... you should think about getting some if you aren't doing it right... Seriously. Seek out a professional, role play, work out how to handle situations, and increase your ability to make men feel woooosy just by talking to them about life and the universe... the money will follow, and everyone wins! Everyone feels happy.

If you want to increase your earnings... if you want to schedule folks more... and have them KEEP those appointments, make them feel a connection... communication...

The road from ECCIE back to backpage is littered with women who couldn't figure out how to communicate like they were in a business trying to attract customers. Luckily, ECCIE allows you to communicate better, so use that tool effectively... among other great ways to communicate.

Thanks for listening... happy time in funland awaits all! HAPPY FRIDAY everyone

JJ

PS... I'm not suggesting you indulge every text or call ALL OF THE TIME, I'm simply trying to generate some thought from providers on how they communicate with clients and how they view that communication. There are ways to communicate and still keep from wasting everyone's time... think it through, and develop a better strategy to make the connection and still keep your sanity.

Great post Jack.What you said in your post is why i mainly see asian ladies.They always treat you right,and act like they appreciate your business.I might add that following through with a date is the best way to get a great reputation in this buisness,or for that matter,any buisness.Can't count how many times i drove two hours to see someone that i made a date with,only to experience phone silence when i get there.

What I am finding to be true for most of the gentlemen I see is they are searching for that one lady that can ignite their passion mentally before physically. Most women have been told that a man is stimulated by sight. To a point this may be true. However to truly capture a man's attention, there is a delicate dance.

Gentleman, you tell me which you would rather have...

Provider 1: What time do you want to set your appt for?
Caller: Can you tell me about your service?
Provider 1: (rattles it off with no feeling)
Caller: I know we can not discuss particulars but is there somewhere I can find more information?
Provider 1: rattles off a website
Caller: Thank you. Hangs up

Provider 2: Hello sweetheart! How has your day been?
Caller: Great thanks for asking. I would like to know more about your services.
Provider 2: That's a good question. The best way for me to answer that is to have you check out my website. It has all the information listed on it in a descriptive way that will keep us both out of trouble.
Caller: That's good.
Provider 2: I love to play and have fun, but safety and discretion is of my top priority. Having secrets to share is exciting and allows us to write our own naughty tale.
Caller: Just what kind of naughty tale are you talking about?
P2: If I tell you that, you won't have anything to day dream about and let your fantasies run wild with. Take your time and check out my website. Any questions you have can be answered in a lunch date consultation to make sure we are a suited match.
Caller: You would have lunch with me? But I can't be seen in public with you, my wife?
P2: That is fine. Once you have been verified, we can order in and just spend 30 minutes getting to know each other. If you feel comfortable, we can schedule a session and go from there. I hope you don't mind if I paint you a picture while we are enjoying lunch. I am a bit of a romantic and love to share the fantasy stories my mind creates.

Yes I know I am giving away my time with P2 but with a new client I will take the time.

Now this is not saying if you keep texting or calling asking questions I am not going to get annoyed. I have after all given you the opportunity to spend a half hour in person asking questions and finding out if there is a connection.

Couldn't agree more with what has been said. Saw my first Asian lady and, let me tell you, she has spoiled me for future providers. She made me feel like a king. Here's little thing that would probably bring guys running...during the interval between the appointment setup and the actual appointment, drop the guy an email or text occasionally with some steamy comments. Accompanying the message with a picture would be off the charts. The anticipation of the appointment is a big thrill for some of us. Let us think you're anticipating it, as well. It would take all of 30 seconds per message and would, I believe, be a major business generator.

Couldn't agree more with what has been said. Saw my first Asian lady and, let me tell you, she has spoiled me for future providers. She made me feel like a king. Here's little thing that would probably bring guys running...during the interval between the appointment setup and the actual appointment, drop the guy an email or text occasionally with some steamy comments. Accompanying the message with a picture would be off the charts. The anticipation of the appointment is a big thrill for some of us. Let us think you're anticipating it, as well. It would take all of 30 seconds per message and would, I believe, be a major business generator. Originally Posted by Laurence1201

I would gladly do that with the clients that schedule via the review sites, but text or email (unless told it was okay) could end up getting someone in trouble and that is the last thing any of us want to do.

HI (insert name),

Just wanted to let you know I am looking forward to our session today at (insert time). I hope you are as excited as I am.

I have been working on a general idea of how to spend our time together. Are you familiar with Harlequin Romance novels? Our story would read something like this....

As he walked through the door, she could tell this session was going to be different than all the rest. The playful look in his eyes told he too had been having fantasies of his own.

She didn't allow him to get much past the front door when she walked up to him and planted the most sultry and sinful kiss he had ever felt. Her hands ran over his chest, while he instinctively cupped her buttocks and pulled her closer.

Firmly, he held her against him. She could feel his desire for her increasing. At the same time, a moistness enveloped her hidden secrets that would eventually be revealed to him.

The passion in their kiss was like molten lava. It sizzled as it took over and they came to realize the fires had just started to heat up their bodies.

Taking a step back, she took his hand and led him to a place where fantasies turn into reality, and reality ceases to exist. This would be where together the world would disappear and together they would ignite a passion so hot, not even Satan himself would be able avoid blushing.....

Can't wait to see how this story plays out!

See you soon Handsome!

XOXOX

Sarah Renee

(Insert provocative photo of me in what I will answer the door in)

Is that what you mean?

I would gladly do that with the clients that schedule via the review sites, but text or email (unless told it was okay) could end up getting someone in trouble and that is the last thing any of us want to do.

HI (insert name),

Just wanted to let you know I am looking forward to our session today at (insert time). I hope you are as excited as I am.

I have been working on a general idea of how to spend our time together. Are you familiar with Harlequin Romance novels? Our story would read something like this....

As he walked through the door, she could tell this session was going to be different than all the rest. The playful look in his eyes told he too had been having fantasies of his own.

She didn't allow him to get much past the front door when she walked up to him and planted the most sultry and sinful kiss he had ever felt. Her hands ran over his chest, while he instinctively cupped her buttocks and pulled her closer.

Firmly, he held her against him. She could feel his desire for her increasing. At the same time, a moistness enveloped her hidden secrets that would eventually be revealed to him.

The passion in their kiss was like molten lava. It sizzled as it took over and they came to realize the fires had just started to heat up their bodies.

Taking a step back, she took his hand and led him to a place where fantasies turn into reality, and reality ceases to exist. This would be where together the world would disappear and together they would ignite a passion so hot, not even Satan himself would be able avoid blushing.....

Can't wait to see how this story plays out!

See you soon Handsome!

XOXOX

Sarah Renee

(Insert provocative photo of me in what I will answer the door in)

Is that what you mean? Originally Posted by Sarah Renee

Wow, Sarah! That's some keyboard you got there! A message like that would be beyond my expectations (and I suspect of many gentlemen).

Your point is well taken that you'd need to get permission from the client before sending such messages to avoid creating difficulty.

In the meantime, I'm trying to keep my molten lava from flowing...

Wow, Sarah! That's some keyboard you got there! A message like that would be beyond my expectations (and I suspect of many gentlemen).

Your point is well taken that you'd need to get permission from the client before sending such messages to avoid creating difficulty.

In the meantime, I'm trying to keep my molten lava from flowing... Originally Posted by Laurence1201

Thank you! The best part of this industry is being able to create fantasy and turn it into a real life experience.

If I can stimulate your brain and get you turned on with my words, then the sizzle that follows my finger tips from the keyboard to ones body is only going to heighten the experience.

For those who have seen me before and have been able to see my writing, there is a little bit of each one of you in the stories I write. I love to take real life and blend it in with the erotic that this industry offers.

Thanks for adding the SIZZLE in my life to give me something to draw from!

XOXOX

Sarah Renee

Awesome post Jack! When I'm being nice... *snickering*


I used to not do so well at the communicating part, but I've gotten a lot better over the years. The problem I used to have is that I would never put myself in others shoes to see how rude I was being during some of my communication with others. I now do so, and with better results.

I always enjoy reading your posts Jack!

What I am finding to be true for most of the gentlemen I see is they are searching for that one lady that can ignite their passion mentally before physically. Most women have been told that a man is stimulated by sight. To a point this may be true. However to truly capture a man's attention, there is a delicate dance.

[snipped for brevity]

Now this is not saying if you keep texting or calling asking questions I am not going to get annoyed. I have after all given you the opportunity to spend a half hour in person asking questions and finding out if there is a connection. Originally Posted by Sarah Renee

I thought this post was amazing, and should be bookmarked by providers as a good model for how to pull this off.

Interesting stuff for sure

I used to not do so well at the communicating part, but I've gotten a lot better over the years. The problem I used to have is that I would never put myself in others shoes to see how rude I was being during some of my communication with others. I now do so, and with better results.

Kudos to you Gemma. It takes a lot of guts to admit things like that to ones self. Self analysis is a tricky thing because if you're honest, you might not like what you find. One of my many flaws is I don't listen, I wait to talk.

Kudos to you Gemma. It takes a lot of guts to admit things like that to ones self. Self analysis is a tricky thing because if you're honest, you might not like what you find. One of my many flaws is I don't listen, I wait to talk. Originally Posted by salo

And kudos to you for admitting one of the biggest flaws most people have... I used to tell folks:

"Make the shift from speaker to listener complete, and you'll be amazed how much you improve your communication with folks"

Most folks don't listen, they are waiting for their turn to talk, if you watch them, they'll lean forward when you pause and open their mouths expectantly, things like that... and its really really off putting.

If I had one bit of advice to give... I'd point them to your post! Providers should ALWAYS be listening, so they can better understand. (we all should... like you said )

Gemma has gotten MUCH better at it, and she's awesome, so I share your compliments to her!

This post was a bit eye opening for me. I'm usually really nice to gentlemen, but I never put myself in their shoes!

Thank you for posting this, Jack! Definitely a good post worth a read.

I thought this post was amazing, and should be bookmarked by providers as a good model for how to pull this off.

Interesting stuff for sure Originally Posted by JackJohnson

A lot of what I do is simple marketing that puts my brand (me) out there. I don't have the spinner body, the perky boobs, the tight little ass. BUT, I do have the ability to take 31 years of experience in the industry and create a desire to see me that most just can't explain.

There have been guys tell me that I am not the usual "type" they turn to, but there is just something about me. They had to know for themselves.

I am also finding out here recently, there are several who have flat out told me they will not review me. When asked why...They don't want to have to wait to get on the schedule. One client even went to the extent to say, "If I review you, the rest will know you are worth every penny. I want to be able to get in when I want to see you. I know it is not fair of me, but I am not writing a review. You need to stay special."

Trust me, I wanted to scream! It isn't fair, but at the same time I am so flattered, I just smiled.

It is all part of the dance we share to make this industry thrive. Thank you to all who have given me the chance to share the dance with them.

To those I have yet to dance with....WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Come on! I don't bite! At least invest 30 minutes and have lunch with me to see for yourself who is behind the keyboard.

XOXOX

Sarah Renee

This post has been fascinating, and as a writer myself, I really appreciate Sarah's input. Definitely puts her on my radar for my next trip to Wichita.

As someone who is an admitted infrequent hobbyist and doesn't write reviews, I sometimes find it difficult to even get the lines of communication open. I understand the need for safety and discretion, obviously. Because of that, I have always tried to put myself in the provider's proverbial shoes. She doesn't know me from Adam, she has no idea if I am who I say I am, etc. So if someone doesn't want to see me because I don't have reviews or premium access, I totally understand.

I kind of wonder if I did a few reviews how much that would really help me out. I suppose even if I had, say, five total reviews but they were all from a year ago, that's better than nothing. (Sorry I'm just thinking out loud here.) A lot of providers ask for "recent references" and I just don't want to write a review every month. Sometimes I go months without hobbying.

Reviews are just something I'm not sure I'm comfortable doing, and if that makes a provider uncomfortable to see me, then of course I completely understand that. No hard feelings.

And now I'm realizing that I'm possibly hijacking the thread here, and I totally don't mean to do so.

TL;DR Yes, communication is important, but so are safety and discretion.

This post has been fascinating, and as a writer myself, I really appreciate Sarah's input. Definitely puts her on my radar for my next trip to Wichita.

As someone who is an admitted infrequent hobbyist and doesn't write reviews, I sometimes find it difficult to even get the lines of communication open. I understand the need for safety and discretion, obviously. Because of that, I have always tried to put myself in the provider's proverbial shoes. She doesn't know me from Adam, she has no idea if I am who I say I am, etc. So if someone doesn't want to see me because I don't have reviews or premium access, I totally understand.

I kind of wonder if I did a few reviews how much that would really help me out. I suppose even if I had, say, five total reviews but they were all from a year ago, that's better than nothing. (Sorry I'm just thinking out loud here.) A lot of providers ask for "recent references" and I just don't want to write a review every month. Sometimes I go months without hobbying.

Reviews are just something I'm not sure I'm comfortable doing, and if that makes a provider uncomfortable to see me, then of course I completely understand that. No hard feelings.

And now I'm realizing that I'm possibly hijacking the thread here, and I totally don't mean to do so.

TL;DR Yes, communication is important, but so are safety and discretion. Originally Posted by crmp0007

I can only speak for myself, however for me I look at the reviews you have written to get a feel for what you look for, as well as a little inside into you as a person.

While there is a great need for safety and discretion, every single one of us should be also concerned with the chemistry between to people. I understand this is not a committed relationship or even time with someone you will eventually marry, BUT it is an illusion of just that if you are seeking a true GFE.

I was talking with a hobbyist early today and the conversation came up about what is a true GFE. I have been blessed to be able to work with the old timers who have since passed on. They way it was been explained to me (please correct me if I am wrong) is a true GFE isn't just the activities that take part during a date. It starts from the first contact and does not end until the hobbyist chooses to no longer see the provider.

Because of this belief, I need there to be a chemistry for the very best to come out of me naturally. This is when the hobbyist will unlock the secrets to make a session go far beyond anything he could fathom.