There was an interesting convo on chat this morning about what attracts hobbyists to providers. There seemed to be a lot of disagreement on exactly how the various factors work out from guy to guy, but it seems like these were the main ones:
Looks - mostly body type and face
Money - how much she thinks her time is worth
Services - what she does and how good she is at it
Personality - too big to define like 1 thru 3, but things like sense of humor, intelligence, interests, etc
Age - seems to intersect heavily with looks and personality, but still its own factor
One guy was trying to make the point that the numbers don't lie, and so if you consider who is getting the most appointments it shows that the chemical reaction for most hobbyists starts with looks. Will you really spend much time looking at a showcase and reviews if you don't like what you see?
It could be argued that money is second since most of us don't have large sums of disposable income, yet it seems most of us have a range that flexes with the other factors in play. If you have more money at your disposal, maybe service or personality might even jump to #2. Yet personality is very hard to get a handle on unless you spend time communicating with someone before any appointment is ever made. That's easier with some providers, but not even a possibility with others.
While some might argue for a different order in their own cases, I have to agree that the numbers don't lie. And while I am tempted to be seen as the nicest hobbyist on the planet, and so might want to deny that the general rule applies to me too, I have to admit that it does apply to me. However, personality is so important to me that it has a lot of power to bend and stretch the other factors. Even so, a big beautiful woman is not my type. I am not going to spend my money for her time. I know plenty of bbws that I would take to dinner and a movie in a heartbeat, would enjoy discussing deep topics with, or would trust with my darkest secrets. But I am not going to spend my hobby money on them.
I'm really sorry if that's painful for some to read, especially those I consider chat friends and would like to know better. Today I realized in chat that some providers feel like the kid in school that most others wanted to be sweet to and be friends with, but not date. A lot of us hobbyists remember that feeling. I do. And what I remember is that it was a lot more frustrating and disappointing to be led on than to simply be told the truth.
Something I find interesting about this dynamic is the game of hobbyists and providers building up illusions for each other. For example, I wonder if the providers want the illusion of being sexually attractive and desirable as badly as a lot of hobbyists might think they do. Or are we just fooling ourselves in not realizing that most of them see right through the BS we don't even see in ourselves? If that's the case, then, despite our desire to be nice and kind, isn't it really insulting to providers when we pretend we're sexually attracted and willing to do business with them? I'm not talking about playful flirting, but something more misleading than that. And, to be fair, the game works both ways.
I'm not trying to stir up any shit here, or insist that anyone see things differently than they do. Let's all be nice - honestly nice, or nicely honest, or something like that. I'm just interested in how people experience these things from their own perspectives, so feel free to chime in. Some might say I over-think things
, and that's true to some extent, but this kind of stuff just fascinates me.
