texting the atf

So my favorite hurt herself and is out for awhile. I texted to see if she was doing better, and she thought I wanted an appointment (I really was concerned about her wellbeing – I like her). She texted back that it would be awhile before she is ready. So I went with that and texted a series to her to cheer her up. Here they are. I will call her Dulcinea, and the Motel used is Castle Grimaldi. 8:00 is our usual meet time. Here they are so far, starting with me asking if she is doing better, and her texting back she can’t do it now. There were sent sporadically over 3 days. She texted back LMAO, which I think is Chinese, probably from one of the tattoos you kids wear.

Ok, Nevermind, not important. You, me 8:00, Castel Grimaldi, be there. You can just lay there – I’ll manage. No need to thank me.


You know, I am still waiting at Castel Grimaldi. I might have to charge YOU for this visit.


Alright! I will wait 2 hours more and then I am going home! 3 hours I mean.


Went In the wrong drive – been at the wrong motel.


Day 2 – the Dulcinea vigil. They all want me gone, but I’m staying. Can live off the land.


Update – no pizza delivery here! Must rethink strategy. Which one is Dulcinea anyway? That cute redhead? Must think. Weak from hunger. Passing out.


Alive! Passed out on floor of car, find old jelly donut under seat. Life is good! Colors so bright, vibrant! Will wander earth doing good!


Extended search for more donuts turns up clotted Kleenex and old gum. Both taste terrible. Life sucks.


Hotel management wants me out of parking lot. They can’t make me move – I am a rock! They don’t know who they are dealing with!


Ouch!!! For an old woman, the manager hits hard! Since she is a midget, my knees and ankles took a beating. Midget might be fun – will see if she's available.


Ouch!! OK! Little people! Won’t say midget again. She has a baseball bat – run away!


Climbed a tree – safe for now. Only 5 feet off ground, but she can’t reach – really short! Bluejay nest above, squirrel too I think. Cute! Not everything is bad!


Midget destroying my car with bat. Squirrel pelting me with nuts. Jay making precision crapping runs. Does life get any better? Really need to know. Please help.


I hear manager coming – she has chain saw! I threw up a little in my mouth, and am glad I wore Depends. Had this pair on over a week – they hold a lot! Sometimes leak though. If that happens a few more times, I will probably remember to change more often. On other hand, that was the shortest meeting ever at work the other day.



I exit tree. Manager is so short she is slow – like outrunning a zombie. I go to office – she is running full speed after me. I go behind desk and use her phone to call cab. Watch a little TV. I check-in couple waiting and tell them there is a deluxe fruit and nut basket in the room, and if they forgot to put it there, complain to manager. Ha! That will teach her.

What in the fuck did I just read...What the fuck are depends. Sir if you are not trolling your grand kids need to get you in check.

On that note

I agree with random.

wtf

Well Ribbs,safe to say you have come out of your shell and decided to favor us with yet another of your infrequent postings.Clearly you have us scratching our heads as to it's meaning, could it be that we have indeed found our replacement for our recently departed plastic man, wait, maybe you are him! Btw bub, I am still waiting for your clarification of the pinoochio nose viagra thing from one of your previous gibberings!

I found the post to be humorous. Not LOL but perhaps a couple small chuckles.

I am going give this the benefit of the doubt and go with it as a level of such genius that mortal men, such as myself, cannot hope to glimpse it.

genius Originally Posted by Ceremony

I'm leaning that way too

dude! you seriously need to post more.

So I took some flack for this thread, and I have to admit I felt bad about it. I thought people would get a kick out of it, but mostly they didn't. Then I realized that I wrote these texts specifically for my ATF provider who was injured and in pain. I wanted to brighten her day, and get her mind off her injuries. And the texts did just that - she sent many replies saying they made her laugh and she couldn't wait for the next one. So I can't feel too bad about making someone's life a little better - especially someone I like who makes my life better. So I decided to man up and take the flack because this just wasn't the right venue and the rest of you really have no reason to appreciate what I did. I am sorry to all of you that didn't like the post, and I will make a valiant effort to make future posts a bit more palatable to the average reader and something that strikes a chord in your life. So with that I could use some help from all of you - I have a difficult question I have been struggling with.

I am sure you have all been through this. You are fucking a chicken, and you lose your grip just as you come. The explosive release cannons the chicken across the room, when it bowls over the urn containing your grandads ashes, and slams into the wall killing the chicken and making a large divot.

So the question is this: is it ok to still eat the chicken even though it is covered with gramp's ashes as long as you wash it thoroughly? Please reply with info from eminent philosophers, ethicists, and food critics.

Thanks for your assistance.

I'm leaning that way too Originally Posted by Chica Chaser

I think it's confirmed now

Both posts are absolutely funny, and of course God forbid anything is posted that is funny. If they were Ment for your atf and she got a kick out of them good, I did as well, it's all about reading between the lines I guess.
Either way, like has been said before keep posting man, it is pretty entertaining!

As for your latest post, I don't think it's kosher eating grandpas ashes, even if you may wipe them off, chock this up to shit happens and go buy another chicken to choke!

well then