Hobby Phones, Secure Browsing, secret email accounts....If you sense your spouse is "looking"

For those of you in a relationship.....

If you get the sense that your spouse is looking/digging etc....

Are you staying or bailing?

Personally.... I can truthfully look my partner in the eye and tell her that if she ever feels the need to try to dig into what I'm doing on my computer, or who I am calling or texting that she should just leave.

I do not like my privacy invaded.

Can she trust me? Absolutely not but for me that is not the issue.

Do you stay with a suspicious partner? Why? Doesn't it increase the stress way beyond manageable?

I agree 100% with this. I've been the suspicious partner.. it's not fun. And I've been on the other side of the table... also not fun. I agree with you, if you feel like something is off, and you can't handle that, save yourself the aggravation. My intuition is highly tuned so I trust it. Besides, when you go looking for stuff, you are guaranteed to find it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging anyone for catting around as I used to be a philanderer, but I guess I don't understand why anyone would stay in a relationship when they feel the need to participate in unapproved extracurricular activities (sexual or otherwise). Life is too short for the kind of stress brought about by worrying when you're going to get caught. I suppose that's why I'm a happy hobbyist. Carry on.

x2 if you have to hide your phone perhaps you shouldn't be in the relationship causing you to hide. Just move on.

If they get suspicious its probably because I screwed up and gave her a reason to be. Unless she's just naturally paranoid and jealous and digging into your business but I don't like those type of women. Were mine to get temporarily suspicious I'd dial back the hobbying for a bit and turn on the charm. Then I'd implement more precautions

Personally I always take the proper precautions to keep this world separate. Were anyone to dig they would not find anything unless I didn't follow my own operational security. I don't do anything major but private browsing, password protected hobby phone, cloud file storage, and secret email just about cover most issues. Well that and the ability to funnel cash to the hobby fund and have a plausible reason for being somewhere you're not usually at.

If my SO were the paranoid type I'd jack up the precautions a notch or two. I'd probably start using a set of hobby clothes I kept at the gym/office and took to the cleaner separately so no possible lingering smells, use a VPN for browsing, and start using Windows in a non-admin user account so no spy programs could be installed without the admin password.


Really I treat it just like criminals who largely get caught because they screw up somewhere. Don't screw up, don't act any differently, admit nothing, tell no one, compartmentalize this side of your life.

You guys saying just be open and honest or leave clearly don't get it, but that's ok, I hope you guys find that kickass polyamorous woman! And feel free to tell your boss all about this site, I bet you'll get a raise.

For those of you in a relationship.....

If you get the sense that your spouse is looking/digging etc....

Are you staying or bailing?

Personally.... I can truthfully look my partner in the eye and tell her that if she ever feels the need to try to dig into what I'm doing on my computer, or who I am calling or texting that she should just leave.

I do not like my privacy invaded.

Can she trust me? Absolutely not but for me that is not the issue.

Do you stay with a suspicious partner? Why? Doesn't it increase the stress way beyond manageable? Originally Posted by Whispers

IF I was in a relationship and I got that gut feeling something was wrong first I will ask I wont dig unless you have given me a reason to..other wise I will ask you straight out the first time and give benefit of the doubt but if you act like you are hiding something and that feeling doesn't leave me I am out....

On the other hand if I am with some one who cant trust me Im out..when I do love I love openly and with everything I dont hide anything I am a full open book.if thats not enough I am out

Do you stay with a suspicious partner?
NO

Why?
Hell has no fury like a woman who thinks she has been scorned.

Doesn't it increase the stress way beyond manageable?
Yes and No way to live.

Do you stay with a suspicious partner?
NO

Why?
Hell has no fury like a woman who thinks she has been scorned.

Doesn't it increase the stress way beyond manageable?
Yes and No way to live.

Originally Posted by universalenergy

I agree but I also like to look at things from all angles


If I may flip the question: she/he is suspicious but doesnt know why she/he just feels it..but the other one is being very bad beyond what was verbally ok..( some s/o's are actually ok with the other one hobbying as they know the difference between love and sex and what is what at the end of the day but thats a whole other thread ) Can you blame them for looking...you knowingly put yourself in a beyond manageable stress level situation

My sperm donor used to go crazy when I would look thru his phone but I seriously couldnt help myself because I would find the craziest shit but snooping is very unhealthy anyways.

I'd only want to be in a relationship where there was trust on both ends and there was no need to hide anything. I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel the need to go behind their back. Then it's obviously not the right relationship for me.

I have always welcomed my stuff open for SO's. I have always made it clear that if they feel the need to look and find something, and its something they didn't want to see.. Then they shouldn't have done it. Don't go snooping unless you're prepared fo find something!!

With that being said.. I tend to be very discreet and like a game of chesss always stay a few steps ahead. It's "evil" I know, but its the way the game works, lol.

Much like Dexter.....you should live this life by a code....haha