One Liners

What are you favorite one liners, here's a few of mine:

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

LAP

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't

7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.

A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Men are more logical, women are more emotional

I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Women will never be equal to men untill they walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Your poor planning is not my emergency.

Perceptions & expectations will make or break any relationship.

If you want to plead the cause for diversity, remember that it must include tolerance.

If I'm talking too much, just shove your **** in my mouth.


hmmm That last one distracted me so I have to come back when I can think again.

I think I saw it on someones profile...

"It aint gonna suck itself"

rgvpapi, that was my avatar. " It ain't gonna suck itself " thinking of changing it back...

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

It is better to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty damn good.

I have never seen a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall dead, frozen from it's bough, without ever feeling sorry for itself.

Without whiskey, the Irish would have taken over the world.

Never do anything you feel uncomfortable explaining afterward to the paramedics.

Never explain. Your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't care.

"How 'bout a little less talking and more SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Peter Griffin from Family Guy

Peter Griffin kills me.

"The only time she opens her mouth is to change feet..."

"I never knew he was a drunk until I caught him sober one day."



and my favorite_____________




"They ruined a good horse's ass when they put teeth in your mouth!!.."