Do you blame the media and advertisements for your decisions to hobby?

Just wondering how many of you here actually take responsibility for your own actions, or do you feel that the media and advertising from providers sort of force you to stray? Do you think if all nude photos and videos were wiped out, that you would still cheat? Why or why not?

Explanation: "If providers and porn stars were not half naked on the net, I would be less tempted to cheat. They entice me to act on my libido by what they put out there."

Counter Argument: "If you did not go LOOKING at the damn websites, porn, and any other lustful device, you would not be so tempted to begin with. Blaming websites that flat out tell you not to enter, for your own actions is about as stupid as blaming McDonalds for making you fat, because you can't just drive past the place and have some SELF control."

Do you blame your wife/husband for your choices as well? I can get the "reasoning" behind why 'some' see providers, but not the justification. If your wife/husband refuses sex, that still does not force you to go get it somewhere else. You can still CHOOSE not to, so are we all codependents here incapable of making a decision because of what someone else does or does not do for us?

Here we go....

There are a number of reasons why I think I hobby around. Some of these being---

Attractiveness of the provider - those photos definitely play a role.

Opportunity - when I'm home, don't need to cheat. My spouse and I take care of eachother when I'm home. But when, I'm out traveliing on business, I have more free time to do this and my libido does not help the situation.

Risk Taking - Definitely a sense of adventure is involved...something new and sweet is involved and I don't mind taking a risk

Sexual Desire - definitely have a high drive and this is a defiite reason for me. But it's also the provider who ultimately stirs the desires within.

I don't blame the media or anyone else for my hobbying; I am just a horny bastard!!! I've been that way all my life (well ever since my first sexual experience) and I love women and I probably have some kind of screwed up imbalance or something bc as soon as I am done with an experience I am thinking about the next one. I am never really satisfied long term sexually. I am always thinking my last session could of been better somehow if I would of just done something different. Or maybe I will have some awesome encounter the next time that will be so great that I will never have to hobby again(haha like that is going too happen). Anyway I do it bc I crave the whole experience from deciding who I want to see, the anticipation of who I am going to met and the actually act. It's like a drug addict feels I think; I don't do drugs!!! I guess I am sexually screwed up and the media has nothing to do with I am always chasing that next sexual fix. That is why I do it!!!!!

Hell I was checking out Sears & Roebuck catalogs for bras before I even knew why. The right girl can get me excited even if she is wearing a Burka. I have gone after the same type girl my entire life so I have no one to blame but myself.

Do you think if all nude photos and videos were wiped out, that you would still cheat? Originally Posted by London Rayne

It seems this question is only intended for those in relationships? Or is there also a variation for the single gents?

Sure, temptation would still apply those who are single if we are only talking about urges or even addictions. I was just reading an article about how the need for sex with as many partners as possible was somehow ingrained in men from birth, as in it was Biological. So, if that were really accurate vs. a rationalization and more about self control, then why do only SOME people feel the need for many partners whilst others don't? If it were truly such an animal instinct that we were not even able to control as was stated, then that would apply to ALL men, not just some. So, I call bs lol.

Many people argue that sex is a need vs. a want, and I strongly disagree. If that were the case, those who are celibate, handicapped and incapable of even being aroused, would drop dead after a year. Has yet to happen. I do believe the reason many can in fact control their urges has to do with what they allow in their eyes and ears though, so I do think media plays a huge part. I don't "blame" the media or provocative advertisements, because it's not their fault we looked at it..is it? I have a good friend who has been married and faithful for over 20 years, and we often talk about how he does it. His answer is the same every time, "I guard what goes in my eyes, ears, and mind and when I feel myself lusting after a woman, I immediately picture her as she once was...an innocent child, and someone I would never touch."


I am one who believes in monogamy and am capable of it, but I also can't live with a person lol. I don't feel the urge to "cheat" but I certainly do want to beat the hell out of him, when I am in a relationship where that person can't be secure unless he is up my ass all the time. I am fiercely independent as my ATF calls it.

Thanks for the honest answers thus far.

Water flows through areas of least resistance. So does pussy and money.


Jim

I do this simply because it is cheaper than a relationship at this time and I am also not ready to try to get into a relationship yet. If I had an SO I would not hobby unless it was something she liked also. While the sex is fun the intimacy or closeness I get with providers that I can get to know is what I want. Since I have a limited hobby budget going for the pussy of the day would probably not satisfy me.

As shown above I do this because of what I want and not because some lady posted an ad.

London, the love of females was ingrained in me from my earliest memories. I don't need advertising to excite me. Without societal controls I would have hit on countless women. I was raised to respect women, but look at areas where society has broken down and see how women have been dehumanized, and the odd thing is that they accept it as the norm.

I was put in many situations when married to my second wife where I deserved a trophy. The urge is always there, but another part of you takes over and rationalizes the consequences of taking the action you so dearly want to take. I finally took the plunge with a big boobed 20 year old who worked for me, and we are still in contact 30 years later.

I can see why so many people missed you when you were apparently gone. You're a hoot!

There is virtually no doubt that there's a biological need in men to have as many partners as possible. Just as there's a biological need in women to find the best genes to pass on to their children, as well as the best partner to make sure their progeny survive.

It doesn't matter if consciously we don't want to have kids. The reptilian part of our brains doesn't give a shit. So for men, we naturally want multiple partners, while women are attracted to men who have resources at their disposal, or are physically attractive, or have some musical skill, or they dominate other men, or, best of all, seem to have a number of women attracted to them, or something else that gets the blood flowing on some primal level. If you need some citations, I'd be glad to do a google search for them, but only if you're really interested. Of course, there are plenty of folks who don't believe in natural selection (hell, in Texas, we don't even want it in our science textbooks!), so for anyone who shares that opinion, there's nothing to say.

Now, there's all kinds of primal feelings we don't exercise in polite society. I can't tell you how many times in my life I've wanted to go Cain over somebody's Abel, especially if there's some kind of predatory behavior going on, but the fact is we've agreed to give up many of our primal urges because of our commitment to live in a society. It doesn't mean I don't challenge people. I do. I just don't gut them like I'd prefer.

I know on a personal level I have always been monogamous. It doesn't mean I'm not attracted to women of all kinds of shapes and sizes. I am. All the time. I'm attracted by physical features. I'm attracted by mental acuity, creativity, biting humor, flirtatiousness, you name it. However, I have a phrase I use for people who are in committed relationships, and they want to stay in committed relationships, or they're in a personal situation where the stakes of being outside a monogamous relationship are so extraordinarily high, that to pursue it means the end of their life as they know it. Think generals, politicians, etc..

The 'no' comes before the 'no.'

That's true for women as well as men.

Don't put yourself in a situation where you're alone with someone you're attracted to. You know when you're doing it. It's exciting. This woman makes you feel vibrant and alive. This man makes you feel special and beautiful. If you take that next step and put yourself in a situation that allows intimacy, the chance you're going to step away slips into nothingness.

As far as the decision to hobby, I'm just grateful the opportunity is there. My whole life has been spent not even considering it an option for a variety of reasons. There were no sexually oriented businesses I felt comfortable in, and it was something known about me among my peers. Just this past year my mind has been opened to it as a healthy outlet, but it has nothing to do with advertisements and media, and much more to do with my personal circumstances, and willingness to have a completely different outlook.

What I do know is that the women who choose it as a pursuit are providing a tremendous service, and I will always be appreciative of each and every one of you.

Thanks for the thread. I look forward to seeing more responses.

Thanks for that FlectiNonFrangi. I am going to have to call you FNF, because that username is a bitch to spell even when I am looking at it lol.

"ProudofTexax" well...your username says it all now does it not bwahahaha. Thanks for that thorough, and well articulated post. I agree, that we must protect what we have or it will become something we no longer value. I don't know how guys do it to be honest. If I had a fat, aging wife or husband at home, and all I did was stare at photos of hot, naked 19 year olds, I would imagine the attraction for my mate would be less and less...so, I don't do that when I am in a relationship. It's been a hot minute.

When I was married.... I would watch TV and want to have sex. I would look up at a fast food menu and want to have sex. When I was waiting for my oil to be changed I wanted to have sex. When I was getting a speeding ticket all I could think about is having sex.

Everything is pretty much the same NOW.... I'm just not married! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I got to go!

PS: Do I blame the media? Hell no, I blame little SL!

London,

I think you are giving us guys to much credit. We aren't that complicated, we eat when we are hungry, sleep when we are tired and fuck when we are horny.

It's so simple to keep us pacified... When we are hungry, feed us. Whenever we get horny, fuck us. And when we get tired, from eating and fucking, stop asking us questions and turn the lights off and shut the door so we can recharge to be a knight in shining armor all over again the next day.

Interesting read on the previous posts…

As for me, there is no one except me that is responsible, or accountable, for the choices I make. Now, there are influences into why I do certain things, but I am, ultimately, responsible for my choices that I expect to be held accountable for making. As I am single, I do not cheat by being here, and when I decide to have a real girlfriend which is not the fantasy one a provider may be, I won’t be on this site. However, in between any civie relationships, yep, I will be here and looking but not necessarily looking to engage as I find the interaction on this site to be enough for now.

As for the media, eh, it matters not what crap they produce, or claim, as I am my own man. I could have cared less what Bridget Bardot, Bo Derek or Cindy Crawford were doing in, or out, of their cloths, so the media has always had zero impact on my choices. As for porn, that has never actually been of interest to me except when I first saw it as a teenager. I was always one that wanted to be doing the things that guys and dolls do while enjoying themselves instead of being a spectator, so porn has zero influence on me, and always has after my first exposure to it.

As for when I was married, well, I am the one that screwed up by screwing providers. I will write that what I lacked at home was no justification to cheat, but for a long time I deluded myself into thinking it was ok because ex-wifey would not do the things, or show the attention, I needed. Does that make it right to cheat on your spouse? No, adultery is wrong and will always be wrong although there are many here who would argue otherwise. I consider those who argue it is cool for them to cheat, that they are just using their actions as a mere convenience for them to escape from right versus wrong in regards to their relationship with their spouse. Only those in a self-induced delusion can justify adultery, and that goes for both providers and hobbyist since when you have sex with someone who is married, you are an adulterer. When I got divorced, and ditched the self-delusion I was in, I realized I did not need what I thought I needed while finding what I did not think I needed, I desperately needed. Today, I am grateful for where I am, and whom I am, regardless of my past.

There are two good reasons why I am here instead chasing the civie girls. The first is because I have a well-defined life outside of this board that keeps me exceedingly busy while the second is due to my detestation of having to deal with clingy, crazy civilian women. For me, it is far easier to play the P4P game than to invest in a civie who may just be the next crazy bitch that causes all sorts of issues for me, and is someone that I cannot simply drop like a provider. For me, one caveat of P4P world is that it has messed up how I set my expectations of, as well as general interaction with, females in any romantic pursuit. Once I decide I have had it with the BS found in the P4P realm, which is not far off, I will leave and seek my quiet place for a time to detox from this scene before entering into a civilian dating relationship.

So London, you asked remember...

For me, it was not about girls at first. The feel of pleasure when ejaculating is a natural high. I remember when I was just a kid-- probably between 6-8 yo. I ejaculated by pure accident. I didn't go looking for it. Hell, I didn't know what it was. I just liked the feeling. Also about this same time, I would get erections. I didn't know what it was or why it was happening. It just did. Ever since, the feeling of ejaculation has been equated as being pleasurable. Heck as a kid, I didn't even know what it was for. It just felt good. Then when I was 11 or 12, I found out what it was all about. I found out that I was suppose "to do it" with a girl, but only after we were married. Of course, this drove my curiosity underground. I discovered (like Flect) the girls underwear section of the Sears and JC Penny's catalogs. I "graduated" to the MILF section of the catalogs and soon enough to Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler. It never started out as wanting to cheat. The feeling was just so good and the variety of women countless.